Episode 3x7 - "Prison Break-In"
Director: Robert Berlinger
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:01 - 00:03
and the one son who had no choice...
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but to keep them all together.
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It's Arrested Development.
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Michael Bluth paid an unexpected visit to his mother.
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- You look pretty, Mom. - What do you need?
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- Need? Why do you think I need something? - Well, you're too busy for us.
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No one's seen you. Going on all those dates with Rita.
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- Or should I say playdates? - Michael had recently dated a woman...
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he later found out was mentally challenged.
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We're not seeing each other anymore, but it's... it's for the best.
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I'm actually kind of relieved it's over.
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Actually, Michael had been so devastated by their break-up...
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that he'd even broken out the old guitar.
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- Maybe you should talk to someone. - Like my mom?
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I don't know. Does she play guitar?
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Can't a guy call his mom pretty without it seeming strange?
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Amen. And how about that little piece of tail on her?
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- Cu-ute! - I've opened a door here that I regret.
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Oh, he's just talking about his stupid turtle.
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- Oh. - She has a name, Mother. And it's "Mother."
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Buster had recently brought home a turtle...
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in an incredibly misguided attempt to make his mother jealous.
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You can stay in this box that Uncle-father Oscar left behind.
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- In fact, it was a box of Oscar's legally obtained medical marijuana. - Oh, good.
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- Hey, it's already got grass. - Primo bud. Real sticky weed.
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Although I was getting a little worried because she was moving really slowly last week...
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and then she stopped. Hmm.
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Yeah. Well, in any event I'm here, Mom, because you need me.
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As you know the Bluth Foundation dinner is a week away.
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I am your co-chair, and we don't wanna relive the TBA debacle.
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Years earlier, the Bluths had a hard time...
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agreeing on a cause for their foundation's first fund-raiser.
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"Herpes." "Shrinkage."
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Somebody saw Seinfeld last night.
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"Neck flap." "Ovarian cancer." Gee, I wonder who that was?
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- One more for "neck flap." - Yes.
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Well, I'll be honest. I haven't heard anything that beats herpes.
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So, they sent out invitations with the disease...
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still "to be announced."
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And much to their surprise, the Bluths ended up raising over $25,000...
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to fight TBA.
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And then... and here's the really horrible part...
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they did it again the following year.
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Keep fighting, little guy. With your support of the Bluth Foundation...
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we'll live in a galaxy where TBA does not exist.
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When people at the last gala found out, we almost had a riot on our hands.
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Well, you don't have to worry about anything like that this year, because...
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Warden Gentles is the new co-chair.
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- The guy who ran Dad's prison? - He's here now installing cameras...
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because of all your father's escape attempts.
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Uh, yeah. It looks like I won't be goin' anywhere for a little while. But what do I care, huh?
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I got a beautiful wife. I got a wonderful hobby. Ha! Look at me.
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I'm having the time of my life.
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His hobby was making papier-mâché copies...
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- of his own head. - Before I forget, do you know if these cameras are high def?
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I certainly hope so. It'll help me better understand "George Bluth"...
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the main character of the latest and, I pray, final draft of my screenplay, New Warden.
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- You wrote a screenplay, huh? - I promised myself I wasn't gonna become...
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one of those people who are always going on about their screenplays...
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so I'll just say, I put together a staged reading with some fabulous young actors...
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and it was very well received.
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Warden Gentles had convinced his granddaughter's teacher...
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to mount New Warden as a school play.
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- I understand you've been causing problems. - Nobody sells any coke...
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in this pen without daddy getting a taste.
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Beat him with a pillowcase full of batteries.
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Ward's letting us hold the event in the new wing of the prison.
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After lockdown, everyone's going to spend the night in a cell.
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Are they color or black and white?
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So, Michael, I don't need your help at all... unless you need something from me?
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No. I'm fine. Just thought I could help. Relieved I don't have to.
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But he wasn't relieved. So he went home to complain to his sister, Lindsay.
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Prison's the last thing we want people associating with the Bluth name.
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- Plus, who's gonna want to go? - Wait, this is gonna be at the prison?
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Oh, great. Probably gonna run into that warden.
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- How do you know the warden? - Oh, right.
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Uh, he spoke at my school for a "Startled Straight" assembly.
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Actually, she'd met with him in the hopes...
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of using his prison as a location for a film.
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I think you will find the desert both engrossing... and high grossing.
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So we don't get dessert.
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I guess I have some reading to do.
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Besides I doubt very much Mom's come up with a real disease to have a fund-raiser for.
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I forgot. We have a real disease. I chose it:
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GVH, "Graft Versus Host."
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It's new, it's fatal, and guess who's got it?
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You've heard of bodies rejecting transplants.
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Well, in this case, your transplanted hair is rejecting your body.
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Either you remove your hair graft...
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or the host, you, will get sicker and eventually die.
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- Can you think of any benefits? - Benefits? No. He'll die.
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Oh, oh, yeah. No, I... I get that. But have there ever been any fund-raisers?
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A husband with the headlining disease. Everyone's gonna wanna talk to me.
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- You're making him keep the hair? - Did you see the attention Superman's wife got?
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- Besides, Tobias wants it too. - Oh, she's right.
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Th-This is gonna be great for me, because I am gonna star...
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in the video Gob's making for the gala.
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Oh, yeah. It'll be very uplifting.
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- Oh, here, let me get that for you. - Thank you.
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Oh. Oh, this is gonna hurt. Oh!
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You know what? We're gonna need this from another angle.
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- And you're sure you're okay? - Oh, probably.
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I can't feel anything. How's my hair?
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It's fine. It's sucking the life out of you, Tobias.
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I mean, everything's gone crazy... the gala, Mom and Warden Gentles.
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I mean, what is in it for him? I think he's taking advantage of Mom.
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And did it ever occur to you that maybe Warden Gentles likes her?
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- Likes her what? - No, I... I mean, likes her, like, is attracted to her.
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- Who's the "her" in that sentence? - Mom. Warden Gentles likes Mom.
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- Her? - I'm afraid I'm with Michael on this.
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The guy runs a prison. He can have any piece of ass he wants.
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And if he likes her in that sense, it makes it even worse.
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I don't want Mom mixed up with the sort of creep that would have her as a fetish.
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Oh, Michael, you're just feeling neglected by your mother.
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You wanted to go to this with her, didn't you?
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Hey, I... I don't need to take my mom to a gala, okay?
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Only losers go to those things with their parents.
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- I'm going with my son. - Oh, I may skip that. I don't like galas.
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Actually, he loved galas.
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- All kids do. - Oh, come on. Don't leave your Uncle Tea Bag hangin'.
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- Please don't call yourself that. - What he was having trouble with...
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was looking directly at his dying uncle.
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I can't stand by and watch Mom get hurt. I gotta get down there.
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This is heartbreaking. Gotta get this for the video.
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George Michael, you wanna put your head down there by his drainage shunt?
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Buster, meanwhile, was also feeling abandoned by Mother.
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Mo... Mother! I have no one now.
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But at that very moment, his true father returned.
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Uncle-father Oscar, what are you doing here?
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Well, you know me. I could never leave a little bud behind.
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Oh, a hug. Nice. You haven't seen a little box with a turtle on it, have you?
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Oh, yeah. My turtle was living in it before he ate all the grass and died.
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- He ate all the grass? - Yeah.
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- It's been great catching up. - W-W-Wait, where you going?
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No, I can't stay, because if my brother finds out that I'm here...
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he's gonna try switching places again, and I can't go back to prison.
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- If my father comes in, you can hide in one of Gob's tricks. - I can't.
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- At least you can stay and help me bury my poor turtle. - Or we could cremate it.
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And Maeby was having a harder time finishing Warden Gentle's screenplay than he did.
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How'd you like to read something fun that we could talk about on the way to the prison gala?
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Oh, I'm actually gonna sit that out. I'm just burnt out on prisons lately.
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- Well, this might change your mind. - Is that a screenplay?
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Well, that's what you're gonna tell me.
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And Michael raced to warn his mother of the warden's intentions.
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- Hey! You can't park there. - Oh, sorry.
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- I'm sorry. - No stairs. No parking.
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Sorry.
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Everything looks delicious.
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Oh, One-Eye's a wonderful chef.
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I've had to go to his parole hearings twice and lie through my teeth to keep him here.
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Hi, I just, um...
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Wow. What are you guys doing?
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It's perfectly innocent, but I can see how if our roles were reversed...
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I might have you beaten with a pillowcase full of batteries.
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- I'll give you two a moment. - Thank you.
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I don't know why I always assume that everyone's read my screenplay.
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What is wrong with you? That man is being wonderful to us.
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And that doesn't concern you, Mother? For all you know he could be trying to seduce you.
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- Oh, Michael, you're crazy. - I certainly hope so.
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I'm trying to seduce him.
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- Who's the "I" in that sentence? - Me.
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- You? - Her.
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Michael had just discovered that his mother was interested in another man.
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- Mom wants to sleep with the warden. - What? Oh, God!
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- Great. - Great? The man is old enough to be her contemporary, Lindsay.
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Plus, she's married, okay? She can't be writhing around underneath the covers...
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- What is wrong with you? It's disgusting! God! - Take it easy.
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No, it's just I've always had a thing about Mom and Dad being together.
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- I know that. - I have a sense of propriety, my God.
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- Gob, we've had this conversation. - When?
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- The last time you ended up seeing Mom and Dad go at it. - What? No! God, Michael!
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- I did no such thing. - He did very much that thing...
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when his parents got intimate in a conjugal trailer two years ago.
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But thankfully, he'd found a way to forget that.
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I got a thing of pills in my pocket. I don't suppose I could convince you to grab me one.
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- Luckily, that worked too. - I can't even hear this.
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You may not like it that Mom has needs...
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but it never bothered you when Dad was running around.
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- Well, that was different. - Well, how 'bout when she was sleeping with Uncle Oscar?
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The guy looks just like Dad.
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I don't know. He's family. It seemed very natural they'd be together.
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Who? What? What is natural? Is there new legislation on this now?
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George Michael was concerned about family love after reading Maeby's script...
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- which he took as a subtle message to him from his cousin. - Listen, new fish.
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That bunk was open because the last guy...
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wouldn't do the things that you're going to do.
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- We're going to... do things? - Anything can happen when two people share a cell, coz.
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Um, I'll go... Okay, I'll go with you to the prison.
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George Michael, what I want you to do is run upstairs and run a nice bath for Uncle Tobias.
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And I want you to help him get in the tub. Can you do that for me? Thanks.
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And don't make the water too hot. The scabs come right off.
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Come on, Lindsay. What are we gonna do about Mother? - Honestly, Michael...
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all this "Mother" talk... you're starting to sound a lot like Buster.
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And Michael realized there was somebody else...
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in the family who would care about this.
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Buster's gonna take this so hard. I cannot let my brother get hurt.
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Oh!
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Oh, it's on standby. Got another one in you?
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Buster, meanwhile, was enjoying being with Oscar.
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But Oscar was longing for his sweet freedom.
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Say, you don't have any Sweet Freedom or Tropical Ease or any of the Hawaiian blends, do you?
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Someone's coming.
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Oh, Dad, get in the cage and hide behind the mirror. It'll look empty.
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Oscar never got a chance to hide behind the mirror.
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Although it was not the first time...
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he was knocked out by a powerful lid.
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Hey, Buster, listen. I got some bad news about Mom.
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She's planning on spending the night with another man.
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- Gob? - N-No. Not another brother.
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- Oh. Then why do we care? - What is wrong with everyone?
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Uh, B-Buster, you've got to talk to Mom about this. She can't possibly do it.
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- If Dad finds out, he'll go berserk. - If Dad finds out about what?
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Oh. Well, I guess I've got no choice now. Dad, I-I've got some bad news...
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about Mom and Warden Gentles... dating.
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Oh. Better sit down.
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Okay, what's the news?
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- They're dating. - Oh, yeah. Because she's... she's my wife.
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- Oh, yeah. Damn it! - I'm surprised you're not more upset about this.
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When you first told me, but you see, time... time passes.
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Besides, it's only, uh, dinner in the office. I mean it's not Le Cirque.
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- How'd you know that it was in his office? - Well, wh-where...
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where the hell else are they gonna go at 4:00 in the afternoon?
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It was around 4:00. You already know about this.
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- Come on. - You're up to something, right?
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- No. - You both are. She's workin' the warden.
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- You're makin' fake heads. You're planning an escape. - How dare you?
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I oughta shave your head and make you sit under that camera all night, mister.
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It's unbelievable. You know, I was worried that this guy was gonna take advantage of Mom.
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You both were taking advantage of him. I don't know why I work to keep this family together.
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Michael, can I talk to you for one sec?
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- And that's when George Sr. got a call from Lucille. - Three, two, two, five, two.
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Howdy doody, that's it.
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Now, y-you get back here so you can smuggle me out...
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past the guards before Michael starts blabbing.
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You know what? You can smuggle yourself out.
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You wanna get away from me so bad? You're free.
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But I'm free too, baby.
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I'm staying in the conjugal trailer with the warden tonight.
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Him?
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- Hey, why is there an ambulance out front? - Honey, the car is here.
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Hey, do you need a ride? I mean, you'll have to lie down, but...
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I'm not goin'. The whole thing is a scam. Mom was using that warden to try to get Dad out.
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- She's not trying to seduce him at all. - Oh, no. She is.
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She's spending the night with him. She just called to ask me to bring her...
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a tube of "Vagis-table" paste. Hi, George Michael.
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- You're goin' too, huh? - Yeah. I thought I would, um, just go with Maeby...
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and support her through this whole Graft Versus Host thing.
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And Michael himself was feeling a little like...
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Good. Great. Go. It's a very important cause. So I'll just stay here and read.
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But this, too, would prove challenging as the family had no books.
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Other than those. And that's when Michael got a glimpse...
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into the warden's true intentions with his mother.
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You were just using me to get even with the man who broke out of your prison?
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That escape cost me my promotion.
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And you will pay for the loss of $2,300 a year.
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But you gave me presents. We made love.
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I've given you one last present. Enjoy the chlamydia, Lucille. Ha, ha, ha.
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Take this newly diseased woman to the hole. Ha.
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I wish I'd read The Man Inside Me.
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George Sr. needed to escape...
14:44 - 14:46
but his handmade replica would never fool the cameras.
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So he searched through Gob's magic stuff to find something that might.
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- Well, that was a freebie. - Hey, Gob, I'm glad you're here. I thought you'd be at the gala.
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Yeah, Dad made me move my stuff outta Buster's room.
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But only after hiding himself in the cage...
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to get past the cops at the door.
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- Go. - Mom's being set up. We have to get into that prison.
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- It's after lockdown. - Come on, Gob. You were gonna break out of this place once.
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- I know you can help me break in. - It's not a Jamba Juice, Michael.
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It shouldn't be that hard to break into.
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And Buster returned only to find no evidence of his uncle-father.
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Hey, Father-uncle Dad...
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I was just bringin' some juice for my pet.
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Wait a minute. You're not really smiling.
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I'm Oscar. He did it again.
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I told you he would. I can't go through this again. I can't be caged!
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And Buster realized he needed to give his true father his freedom.
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- Hey! Let's get him! - But it was a freedom that didn't last long.
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And as the prison gala was underway...
15:49 - 15:52
the guys arrived for their break-in...
15:52 - 15:54
with the help of one of George Sr.'s instruments of escape.
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- You think this is gonna work? - It's a jet pack, Michael. What could possibly go wrong?
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- All right. - Now just make sure you tell me before you hit any buttons...
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- Wish I knew the layout of this place. - Way ahead of you, Michael.
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Drew a map of it on my stomach. It's upside down, so it might be a little awkward.
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- It was awkward. - I drew us.
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- I think we're, like, right there. - Hey, guys.
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- If you're gonna party, you wanna bring it inside? - That was a freebie.
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Well, the new facility isn't so bad, huh?
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It's a lot like school, only it's air-conditioned.
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So I guess we can just, uh... just choose a cell to stay overnight in and, uh...
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Oh, great. And you can take me through your thoughts about the screenplay beat by beat.
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Sure. Yeah. "Because anything can happen when two people share a cell, coz."
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It's a line from... from New Warden.
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Oh. Oh! Okay, yeah. I don't know what I was worried about.
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George Michael would ever experience in his life.
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- And the warden was happy too. - What a treat.
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The man who cost me my promotion ends up back in my care.
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And I don't think there's going to be an "I'm Oscar" Web site this time.
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Think this time I'll do a podcast.
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"Graft Versus Host." Sounds like a tennis match...
17:19 - 17:23
between Steffi Graf and Happy Days star Donny "Host."
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- It's "Most." - But it's far deadlier.
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Hello. I'm Gob Bluth.
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As a magician, I can make a lot of things disappear.
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There are some things I can't make disappear...
17:35 - 17:38
no, not that candy ball machine...
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the disease GVH without your help.
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This is Tobias. When Toby first came into the family...
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but that's because we couldn't see what was on the inside.
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But lately, that's all we've been able to see.
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But what was Tobias to do...
17:56 - 17:58
Have his hair plugs removed?
17:59 - 18:01
The doctor says I'd be completely healed if I were to do that.
18:01 - 18:05
- He just needs his hair plugs out? - Doctor says that's the cure.
18:05 - 18:09
- There's a cure? - No way. That horsehair is my ticket back into society.
18:09 - 18:13
You cut it after those idiots at the gala accept me as one of their own.
18:13 - 18:16
We're giving money for this guy to keep his hair transplants?
18:16 - 18:19
I'd rather give to TBA!
18:19 - 18:21
The crowd began to grow unruly.
18:22 - 18:24
We have a riot in the ballroom.
18:24 - 18:27
And, just as the prisoners had proven...
18:27 - 18:30
they could throw a gala as well as the rich...
18:30 - 18:32
so the rich proved they could throw a riot just as well as the prisoners.
18:32 - 18:36
- And Lucille was brought to the conjugal trailer. - Mom.
18:36 - 18:40
- Michael, what are you doing? - I cannot let you go through with this.
18:40 - 18:42
- You can't sleep with him. - Oh, yes I can.
18:43 - 18:45
I'm making up for the heartbreak your father has caused me. He doesn't need me.
18:45 - 18:49
- You don't need me. - Of course I need you, Mom.
18:49 - 18:52
My heart is kind of broken too. I've been kind of denying it lately, but...
18:53 - 18:56
um, you know, it just... I can't... I can't deal with the fact...
18:56 - 18:58
that my family's falling apart, now that I really need you.
18:59 - 19:01
Oh, Michael, honey. I wanna cry so bad...
19:01 - 19:06
but I don't think I can spare the moisture.
19:07 - 19:09
Well, listen. Here's...
19:11 - 19:13
The problem is that, uh, Gentles doesn't really care for you.
19:13 - 19:16
He's just using you to get back at Dad for escaping, at least according to his screenplay.
19:16 - 19:20
- You read it? - Yeah.
19:20 - 19:22
- Did you like the chlamydia thing? I gave him that. - You gave him chlamydia?
19:22 - 19:26
- He had "crabs," and I said, "You're gonna get laughs." - Then what am I doing?
19:26 - 19:30
I mean, if Dad doesn't care, there's... there's no real threat...
19:31 - 19:35
and, I guess, just knock yourself out, huh?
19:35 - 19:37
Where's Gentles? I'll kill him!
19:37 - 19:40
- George? - Dad? - I can't let you do this.
19:40 - 19:42
I can't let what we have... as lousy as it may be at times... be destroyed.
19:42 - 19:48
This is where you escaped to? To prison? For me?
19:48 - 19:51
No one is breaking this family apart. No one.
19:51 - 19:54
You know what? I think I needed to hear that.
19:54 - 19:56
Sorry about the wait. George? If you're here...
19:56 - 20:01
who do we have in the delousing tank?
20:01 - 20:03
- I'm guessing Oscar. - No.
20:03 - 20:06
I cannot take another $2,300 hit.
20:06 - 20:08
I'll tell you what: You let Oscar out, and you give us an hour in here...
20:08 - 20:12
and, uh, we'll call it even.
20:13 - 20:16
Please, Ward?
20:18 - 20:20
I can't say no to the woman who gave me "chlamydia." One hour.
20:20 - 20:26
Are you ready to have some fun?
20:28 - 20:30
- I am so glad I didn't cry. - That I didn't need to hear.
20:30 - 20:35
On the next Arrested Development.
20:37 - 20:40
George Michael gets closer to his family.
20:40 - 20:42
- Lockdown! - That was close, huh, Maeby?
20:42 - 20:47
Oh, she's in the next cell. Looks like we're gonna be bunk buddies all night, coz.
20:47 - 20:51
his unhappiest moment ever.
20:53 - 20:56
Buster tries to forget his recent losses...
20:57 - 21:00
by breaking out the old guitar...
21:01 - 21:04
- and Gob finally faces a phobia he'd faced before. - No! Not here!
21:04 - 21:09
Wait, I've seen this before. Oh, God, I've seen this before!
21:09 - 21:13