Episode 3x8 - "Making a Stand"
Director: Peter Lauer
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:01 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
00:04 - 00:06
but to keep them all together.
00:06 - 00:08
Michael was trying to include his brother in the business...
00:18 - 00:21
at his father's request...
00:21 - 00:24
So, the last couple of months have seen us hemorrhaging money...
00:24 - 00:27
But he was finding himself overwhelmed by the change.
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Is it my turn to speak yet? I've got a good one.
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- We're gonna wait till after lunch for the tricks. - It's not a trick, Michael.
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It's a business opportunity.
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You can turn the music off. I already shot my wad.
00:39 - 00:42
Off.
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No, that's tape. It's a...
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I have got a quick way for us...
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to literally be showered with money.
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That's where the penny thing would have...
00:53 - 00:56
Bonus. Anyway, it involves us making some money...
00:59 - 01:01
with our Mexican friends from Colombia.
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I think they're called Colombians.
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Oh, I forgot. We're being "politically correct."
01:06 - 01:11
Anyway, there's a company there that wants to develop some time-shares with us.
01:11 - 01:14
I told them that we'll sell them our blueprints...
01:14 - 01:16
- for 100 grand. - Gob, we're prohibited...
01:16 - 01:19
from doing any business outside the country while we're under investigation.
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Translation: "Wish I'd thought of that."
01:22 - 01:24
- Nice translating, Dad. - Oh.
01:24 - 01:27
I also had this slogan made up.
01:27 - 01:29
"A Colombian cartel that won't kidnap and kill you."
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Underline "won't," 'cause that makes the competition look like...
01:32 - 01:35
- maybe they... - I'm serious. We're not doing it.
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It's illegal, and, uh, it's also kind of a stupid way to make a quick buck.
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- It's not stupid. You're stupid. - Nice pout, Dad.
01:40 - 01:43
I wasn't calling you stupid. I was calling the idea stupid.
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If you'd spend a little more time learning about the business...
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If I didn't have a live dove in my pants right now...
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I would leap across this table and... You know what? Forget it.
01:53 - 01:57
- Let's go ahead and take five. - Michael was frustrated...
01:57 - 01:59
and returned to his office to find Lindsay.
01:59 - 02:03
Gob is driving me crazy. I finally got rid of him for a little while...
02:03 - 02:05
and Dad put him right back in the business.
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You two have always fought.
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- I think I even have video of that. - You and half of Orange County.
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As children, George Sr. would often provoke the boys to fight one another.
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He's calling you a liar.
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I don't want your cards, Michael.
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He believed it created a competitive spirit...
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which equipped them for the challenges of life.
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Let's keep it in frame.
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He also believed footage of the tussles would be a big hit...
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in the burgeoning home video market.
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He soon franchised the concept with such titles...
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as Boyfights 2...
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A Boyfights Cookout...
02:41 - 02:43
and Backseat Boyfights: The Trip to Uncle Jack’s 70th.
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- How do you think I feel? - You weren't even in the tapes.
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I was talking about my marriage. Are we still talking about the tapes?
02:50 - 02:54
Apparently not. What's going on with your marriage?
02:54 - 02:56
Well, as you know, Bob Loblaw and I have had a secret little thing going.
02:56 - 03:00
- Very secret. He doesn't know. - He has not known of it. That's correct.
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But last night he finally responded to one of my little hints.
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- Why won't you!@%$ me? - Look...
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You're an attractive woman, and you've been dressing like a common whore.
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- Well, I've been trying. - But you asked me to represent you in your divorce.
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- I can't see a client. - Then recommend somebody else.
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Well, our copy boy is very striking...
03:22 - 03:23
but he often has toner on his fingers.
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- I meant another lawyer. - Oh.
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So now I have to tell Tobias we're getting divorced, break the news to Maeby...
03:29 - 03:32
plus fit an eyebrow pluck in there, all before the weekend.
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Perhaps you can talk to Maeby while you're getting your eyebrows plucked.
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It'll look like your eyes are watering 'cause you're sad.
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Later that day Michael went to his parents’ apartment...
03:40 - 03:43
to talk about the problem he was having with Gob.
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- What's going on here? - They're painting the whole building...
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so I'm having the inside done too.
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And that goes into storage, right? Not into your apartment.
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What's Spanish for "I know you speak English"?
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Mom, if you're gonna speak to these guys like this...
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you might want to sleep with one eye open.
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Actually, I'll be sleeping at your place.
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- Paint fumes are deadly. - You know Dad's under house arrest here.
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It'll be nice to get a break from him too.
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Besides, I certainly can't recuperate here.
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- Recuperate? - I didn't want to worry anyone.
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It's a routine procedure... Very common for women my age.
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I see. The apartment's not the only thing getting a face lift, huh?
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Hope you kept your punch cards. You're about due for a free one.
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- We have to pay for the paint. - No, no, no.
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You're not getting a centavo until you finish all the work.
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You guys are both gonna be sleeping with your eyes open.
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Mom, however, will not have a choice.
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Dad, need you to help me get rid of Gob.
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- That ship sailed 35 years ago. - Doesn't know anything about the business.
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Today he suggested that we do an illegal Colombian deal.
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- You said that was legal. - That was your idea?
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- I may have mentioned it. - You told Gob to do it, didn't you?
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Did you just want to get us at each other's throats again...
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- like you used to do with the Boyfights videos? - Boyfights?
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- Luchas de Muchachos. - Oh, sí, Luchas de Muchachos.
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- We had this video. - Sí.
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The tapes were a big hit in Latin America.
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Don't look at me. I had nothing to do with them...
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Except for some of the Baby Buster shorts.
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Maybe I was trying to teach you something.
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Maybe I was trying to teach you how to compete.
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I didn't do it with Buster, and look how he turned out.
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- Is Buster. - Baby Buster.
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"Yo quiero leche. Yo quiero leche de madre."
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Even though I am so old.
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Those tapes made quite an impression on these painters.
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I think I turned out pretty darn well, myself.
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Oh, you just turned out great.
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I used my contacts to get you a job, and you quit.
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The job was at an Iraqi-owned toy store...
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that was hoping to deter shoplifting.
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Okay, I'll just take off this cheap fake hand...
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and we gonna put on this sign.
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Beautiful. You like?
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They only wanted me because I had one hand... and I won't do it!
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- That's not the way Mother is raising me. - Like I won't compete...
05:53 - 05:55
with my older brother anymore, despite the way Father raised me.
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- We'll show you. - Just like I showed Mr. Al-Jibaaly Muhammed a-Abat.
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I stole this sign.
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Of course, I left my hand there also.
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But FAO al-Jibaaly Muhammed a-Abat...
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wasn't the only one having trouble scaring kids.
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So was Hollywood's third-youngest movie studio executive, Maeby Fünke.
06:17 - 06:21
That's the bloodsucker? It looks like Alf. You got a week to fix it.
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This must be the creature that ate our cat.
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- And Michael met up with Gob. - Hey, Gob.
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Why didn't you tell me that Colombian thing was Dad's idea?
06:41 - 06:44
Well, Dad said not to because you don't think I'm smart...
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- and that I should take credit for it. - It was just Dad...
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trying to turn us against each other again, and of course I think you're smart.
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Okay? Hey, what's going on down there? What are you doing?
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You don't want a hungry dove down your pants.
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That's how Tony Wonder lost a nut.
06:57 - 06:59
Look, I know that I don't know about this housing stuff...
06:59 - 07:03
but I've got this Christian girlfriend now...
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and she's trying to get me to be a better man...
07:05 - 07:08
and reconnect with my son...
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and I'm trying to get her to renounce God and!@%$ me...
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and I just want to prove to her that I'm worth it.
07:12 - 07:16
As always, Gob, a mixed bag there...
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but the middle part sounded pretty admirable for a second, so here's what I want to do.
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I want to get you your own banana stand franchise...
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and you can have Steve work at it.
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- You'd do that for me? - Yes. Yeah. You can design your own shack.
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- And choose my own location? - Whatever you want.
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But the most important thing is that we never let Dad...
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- turn us against each other again. - Thanks, Michael.
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If you feel something moving down there, it's just the bird.
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I know it.
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And a few days later...
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Michael got a call from his son.
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- Hey, Dad, did you know Gob started a banana stand? - Yeah, that was my idea.
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I'm trying to get us to be less competitive.
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That's gonna be difficult.
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Plus they have a very aggressive slogan.
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Gob had opened a new frozen banana stand, like...
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twenty feet from the old frozen banana stand.
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What's going on? You just thought you'd put the stand right here?
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Did the research. Do you know that more frozen bananas are sold...
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right here on this boardwalk than anywhere in the OC?
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- Don't call it that. - Also gonna need a check, 'cause I kind of went...
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out of pocket on the new sign... and I need some bananas and some chocolate...
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- from the other branch. - Just take the sign down... Take the whole booth down.
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You're cannibalizing our business.
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You're just scared of a little "competish."
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You guys don't even have bananas, so I'm not too worried.
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In fact, you know what? Me and my son are gonna kick your little shack's ass.
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Dad, it's okay. We can just work together with them, you know?
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That makes sense. I mean, we don't really even know the recipe.
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- You just freeze the banana, and then you stick it... - Don't tell 'em.
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- Stick it in the what? - No, it's okay. We'll figure it out.
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And when we do, we'll have the last laugh.
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We'll be the laughingstock of the boardwalk.
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Meanwhile, Lindsay was preparing for her own competition.
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This is Treat. He'll be representing you.
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He started off as my paralegal, but he's a lawyer now.
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- Well, as of next Monday. - Well, we'll fudge that.
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Lindsay, just do me one favor.
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Don't mention me by name when you talk about your future plans for dating.
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It reflects poorly on me.
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Right, right. The conflict of interest.
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Yeah, that too.
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- Hello, Lindsay. - Tobias. Did you get a lawyer?
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Only the best-looking and best-educated lawyer in the whole OC.
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- Don't call it that. - Okay.
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- Bob Loblaw. How are you? - Bob's representing you?
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He was. One day earlier, Tobias had spoken to him...
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- on the phone. - Whether or not those promises were made explicit.
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You... want me to be explicit?
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Anyway, as it turns out...
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Bob was offering to be my lawyer.
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And that night...
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- Buster arrived with a post-op Lucille. - There she is.
09:58 - 10:02
She wants to know where you want to put her.
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She can take my room.
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She wants to know if I can sleep there too.
10:08 - 10:10
She said that's very important to her.
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All right. I'll meet you up there, Mother.
10:13 - 10:16
You better not lock it! I'll kick it in!
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Oh, by the way. Doctor said no kissing her on the face for one week.
10:23 - 10:26
I was like, "Make it two weeks. See if I care."
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Got a new hand?
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Oh, yeah. I'm trying it out.
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Guess who I ran into at the prosthetic shop while I was waiting for Mother.
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Sorry, no refunds...
10:37 - 10:38
- And that's why you don't take your foot out of its wrapper. - J. Walter Weatherman.
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You're the man who used to scare us as children, and one time as an adult.
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George Sr. had always used him...
10:47 - 10:50
to teach his children lasting lessons.
10:50 - 10:52
They usually involved his prosthetic arm being ripped off.
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And that's why you always leave a note.
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- You're one of George Bluth's kids. - Uh-huh.
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- I guess you'll be scaring children yourself now. - As a matter of fact, I won't.
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to be more than just a one-armed man...
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Even if it means me never taking a job again.
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Almost makes it worth it.
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- Hello. - Listen. I heard...
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that you gave Gob a banana stand.
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They did great. He and Steve took in over $700.
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- They did? - Yeah.
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So I guess the Bluth Company's got a new heir.
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That's when Michael realized it was time to get serious.
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George Michael, do you know where the banana suit is?
11:37 - 11:40
That night, Maeby, displaced by Buster, heard a noise.
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Hello? George Michael?
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I'm thirsty.
11:52 - 11:55
And Maeby knew she had found her bloodsucking creature.
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The next day, Michael took off work to man the banana stand...
12:00 - 12:04
- while his son manned a banana. - How you doin' there, champ?
12:04 - 12:07
- Is my name champ? It's so hot. - Why don't you take five?
12:08 - 12:11
That's not including the five minutes it takes to get out of this thing?
12:11 - 12:13
- You're not getting out of it. - Attention, everyone.
12:13 - 12:15
Why go to a banana stand when we can make your banana stand?
12:15 - 12:20
I give you Barbara and Dee.
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Don't worry. These young beauties have been nowhere near the bananas.
12:26 - 12:29
Dad, are they strippers?
12:29 - 12:31
If I know your uncle, they're at least strippers. I guess we gotta up the ante.
12:31 - 12:34
No, Dad. Then they're just gonna up it and it'll go back and forth all day.
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- If that's what it takes, that's what we're gonna do. - And they did...
12:38 - 12:41
But it was less entertaining than you might imagine...
12:41 - 12:45
no matter what music was put under it.
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It was kind of funny to "Yellow Submarine"...
13:05 - 13:08
but who could afford it?
13:08 - 13:10
So here's what happened at the end.
13:13 - 13:16
- Hey, stop fighting! - Stop it!
13:16 - 13:17
- Hey, stop fighting! - Stop it!
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That's it. They're right, okay? This is insane. We're just "boyfighting" again.
13:18 - 13:21
And for what? A hefty bag full of pesos.
13:21 - 13:24
- You've been taking pesos? - Dad said I should.
13:24 - 13:27
- Dad's involved with this? - Well, he chose the location...
13:27 - 13:30
And the strippers and the sign. Every part of it, really.
13:30 - 13:33
Wait a minute. Don't you see what's happening here?
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Dad's clearly going ahead with the Colombian deal...
13:35 - 13:37
and he's laundering it through your banana shack.
13:37 - 13:39
He pitted us against each other so I'd be too busy to notice.
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Well, you know what? I think it's time for us to teach Dad a lesson.
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Get the person who terrorized us the most in our childhood.
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She's still healing. Let's get J. Walter Weatherman.
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Michael and Gob had decided...
13:57 - 13:59
to teach their father a lesson.
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- We need the number of the one-armed man. - I'm not giving you that.
14:01 - 14:04
You want to use his disability to scare someone.
14:04 - 14:06
That's everything I'm against. Read the button, mister!
14:06 - 14:10
"The only scary thing about...
14:12 - 14:15
a one-armed man trying to scare someone is the fact that"...
14:15 - 14:17
That he feels that his one arm is good for nothing but trying to scare somebody.
14:17 - 14:20
- It's upside down. - Let's see you try to put a button on...
14:20 - 14:22
with this.
14:22 - 14:24
Stop screaming. It's not scary.
14:24 - 14:26
I'm gonna get the number myself, 'cause we're not gonna...
14:26 - 14:28
go through our lives being controlled by this guy.
14:28 - 14:30
What is more pathetic than grown men being scared of their father?
14:30 - 14:32
- I'm thirsty. - Oh, my God!
14:32 - 14:35
This continued for a while.
14:36 - 14:39
And later, Michael and Gob went to put their plan in action.
14:39 - 14:41
I gave the Colombians back their money, and I told them...
14:42 - 14:44
that you had no right to make the deal.
14:44 - 14:46
I have to warn you, though, they didn't sound too happy.
14:46 - 14:48
Let's just hope they don't try to get even by "cir-sum-venting" the law.
14:48 - 14:50
- What is that supposed to mean? - Kidnap or... Michael said it.
14:50 - 14:54
What, are you kidding? I have an ankle monitor.
14:54 - 14:56
I can't even go into the hallway without the cops coming up.
14:56 - 14:58
- Stop it! - Clearly you know what you're doing.
14:59 - 15:00
There's an off chance they might just want to take you, leave the ankle.
15:01 - 15:04
But anyhow... Stall him.
15:04 - 15:06
And Michael went to solicit help for the lesson.
15:06 - 15:09
How would you and some of your friends like to help us...
15:09 - 15:12
teach Mr. Bluth a lesson?
15:12 - 15:14
Maybe pose as Colombians.
15:14 - 15:16
But we are Guatemalan. Won't he know the difference?
15:16 - 15:18
I think anything south of San Diego will be just fine.
15:18 - 15:21
- Orlando was in the Groundlings. - Just classes.
15:21 - 15:24
Is it going to be unscripted, like Curb?
15:24 - 15:27
George Sr., meanwhile, had grown suspicious of his sons.
15:27 - 15:31
What was that with Michael just now?
15:31 - 15:33
He wants to teach you a lesson.
15:33 - 15:36
- What kind of lesson? - J. Walter Weatherman lesson.
15:36 - 15:38
He's gonna fake your kidnapping and helicopter ride to Colombia.
15:39 - 15:41
He's gonna teach me a lesson using my own scare toy?
15:41 - 15:44
Weatherman wouldn't do it. I think Buster turned him.
15:44 - 15:47
Yeah, well, he'll say yes for me.
15:47 - 15:49
We'll go along with his lesson, but we're gonna teach him one of our own...
15:49 - 15:52
But it's gotta be a secret, okay? Between a dad and his...
15:52 - 15:55
His favorite son.
15:55 - 15:58
- Don't worry, Pop. Gob Bluth doesn't cave. - Yeah, you just did for me.
16:01 - 16:06
- Well, you asked me to so I thought... - Okay, go, go, go. It's fine.
16:06 - 16:08
And Lindsay and Tobias were back with the arbitrator.
16:08 - 16:12
As you know, it is very difficult...
16:12 - 16:14
to establish fault in a divorce, but one indicator is fidelity.
16:14 - 16:17
My client has not pursued sex outside of this marriage.
16:17 - 16:21
- Nor in it. - I got this one.
16:21 - 16:23
- Can the same be said for you? - Oh, absolutely.
16:23 - 16:25
- I've done everything to make this marriage work. - That's interesting.
16:25 - 16:28
Can you tell me what your plans are for this evening?
16:28 - 16:30
Uh, I have plans with a friend.
16:31 - 16:33
- A man? What's his name, please? - Don't answer that.
16:33 - 16:36
I withdraw the question. Why don't we stop for the day?
16:36 - 16:39
So Mrs. Fünke...
16:39 - 16:42
can get to her date with her mysterious...
16:42 - 16:44
Mr. Blah-blah-blah.
16:44 - 16:46
At 8:30, unless you want to sit at the bar.
16:46 - 16:49
It was the first time someone took Tobias's side...
16:49 - 16:51
- and he wanted to thank him. - As much as I hate losing Lindsay and everything...
16:52 - 16:55
I feel like I'm making a friend in you...
16:55 - 16:58
so I was wondering if maybe tonight you just want to...
16:58 - 17:00
take in a movie... or a schvitz...
17:00 - 17:02
or just stay in and nest.
17:02 - 17:05
Of course... The Bob Loblaw Law Blog.
17:08 - 17:10
Wow. You, sir, are a mouthful.
17:10 - 17:13
While Tobias was trying to get his mouth around Bob Loblaw...
17:13 - 17:18
Maeby was showing Mort Meyers a monster of her own.
17:18 - 17:21
Oh, that's terrifying.
17:22 - 17:23
Who did that for you, Industrial Light & Magic?
17:24 - 17:26
- Topelson Plastic and Silicone. - Did he do Land of the Dead?
17:26 - 17:29
Yeah. He's been in Beverly Hills for years.
17:29 - 17:31
- Get our makeup people on it. - And George Sr. waited...
17:31 - 17:34
for the fake kidnapping he knew Michael had orchestrated.
17:34 - 17:37
- Don't move! - Hey, well, let's do it.
17:39 - 17:43
Get into the box, old man.
17:43 - 17:45
Oh, blankets. That's... Who thought of that?
17:45 - 17:47
- That is very nice. - Come on, get in the trunk!
17:47 - 17:49
What about... What about my ankle monitor?
17:49 - 17:52
We have an ankle monitor deactivator.
17:52 - 17:54
Oh, good. See, I've been meaning to get one of those.
17:54 - 17:56
I'm not gonna resist you guys because, you know, I don't want you to beat me.
17:56 - 18:00
But the mistreated painters...
18:00 - 18:02
were actually looking forward to that part.
18:02 - 18:04
Oh! Forgot my iPod.
18:04 - 18:07
- Start the helicopter! - And so Michael, believing himself...
18:13 - 18:17
to be aided by Gob, set to work.
18:17 - 18:22
But this too produced less-than-compelling footage.
18:22 - 18:25
And this is how that ended.
18:34 - 18:36
Put on the sound effects. Put on the sound effects.
18:36 - 18:38
CD... CD one. CD one.
18:38 - 18:40
Track two. Track two.
18:40 - 18:43
Put the hostage here by the ottoman.
18:43 - 18:45
Get it out of here. What's it doing in here?
18:45 - 18:47
- Ottoman out. - And George Sr. was released...
18:47 - 18:50
- from his long journey into the living room. - Where am I?
18:50 - 18:53
- Colombia. Where do you think? - And you just missed the last train...
18:53 - 18:57
that will come through the jungle for three days.
18:57 - 18:59
- He's good. - He's a Groundling.
18:59 - 19:01
You have betrayed us, and we will make you pay...
19:01 - 19:03
- and then we will go back for your sons. - My sons? No.
19:03 - 19:06
They too will suffer for your terrible decisions.
19:07 - 19:10
And you should really pay your workers what they deserve...
19:10 - 19:12
not make them have to buy their own supplies.
19:12 - 19:14
Not just the painting. The sanding too.
19:14 - 19:16
Yeah, and the taping is very time-consuming.
19:16 - 19:18
Michael decided his father was ready to learn his lesson.
19:19 - 19:22
- And that is why... - He's got a gun!
19:22 - 19:24
I can't let you do it! Get away!
19:24 - 19:27
Get away. I'll shoot. I will, I will. I'll take you all out.
19:27 - 19:30
- This is all fake. These guys are painters. - I will, I will!
19:30 - 19:33
- Oh, God! My arm. - Dad, you just shot off this guy...
19:33 - 19:38
This guy's arm.
19:38 - 19:40
And that's why you don't teach your father a lesson.
19:40 - 19:44
Who's the stupid one now? Thank you, Gob.
19:44 - 19:48
Gob? You told him? I thought we were a team.
19:48 - 19:51
- It's not fun feeling stupid, is it? - You son of a...
19:51 - 19:55
- Wait a minute. I gotta get my camera. - Get off of me!
19:57 - 19:59
What is all this? What's going on?
19:59 - 20:02
Keep it in frame. You wanna... Cheat out.
20:02 - 20:04
- I will kill you! - I'm gonna kill you.
20:04 - 20:06
- You're going out of frame. - I'll kill you.
20:06 - 20:08
No!
20:09 - 20:10
Oh, my God! Michael!
20:11 - 20:13
Dad... It was an accident. I'm sorry.
20:13 - 20:18
And that's why you don't pit Gob and me against each other.
20:18 - 20:21
- Yes! Yeah! - Gob.
20:21 - 20:24
- You set me up. - That's right.
20:24 - 20:26
- No more "boyfights." - J. Walter Weatherman was in on it too?
20:26 - 20:30
- Right from the very start. - So you did use him.
20:30 - 20:32
Look at this place. Look at my home.
20:33 - 20:36
- Freeze! Drop the gun. - It's okay. We're just trying to teach this guy a lesson.
20:36 - 20:40
- Drop the gun! - Oh, my good hand!
20:40 - 20:44
Buster's good hand just came...
20:44 - 20:46
flying off.
20:46 - 20:48
And that's why you don't use a one-armed person to scare someone.
20:48 - 20:53
On the next Arrested Development.
20:56 - 20:58
Maeby finds a way to scare an entire generation.
20:58 - 21:01
This Christmas, terror has a new face.
21:01 - 21:05
I'm thirsty.
21:05 - 21:08
Gangy.
21:09 - 21:11
We should start production on Gangy Two.
21:11 - 21:13
Well, I know she wanted a skin peel.
21:13 - 21:15