Episode 3x5 - "Mr. F"
Director: Arlene Sanford
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:01 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
00:04 - 00:06
but to keep them all together.
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Michael had snuck out of work to see a British film...
00:19 - 00:21
with his British girlfriend, Rita.
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I hate it when they hire Yanks to play Brits.
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You can always tell.
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When they came upon a toy store.
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We should get George Michael one of these.
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Oh, no, that-that-that's not really him.
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Besides, I already got him his big present for his birthday.
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A suit! Dad, it's a Jack Welch.
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I want you to look under the pants.
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Quicken! Premier. Dad, I hope you kept the receipt.
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- You wanna return that? - No, I wanna deduct it.
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Come on, let's get him the train.
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It's... Really, he would only like it for the receipt.
00:53 - 00:55
And this is crazy. I-I really...
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I can't be seeing movies in the afternoon, then going to toy stores.
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I have to work. I'm not even supposed to be here.
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Michael couldn't tear himself away.
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- Could you? - I can't promise it'll be fun.
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Okay, that's, uh, that wa... that was fun.
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Still, the land probably shouldn't have given out beneath us.
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But we got a mole problem.
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A mole problem?
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Yeah, they've undermined this whole hill.
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We won't be able to build on it for a few months. But it's my fault.
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This is exactly why I should have been coming to work. The Japanese backers...
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if they find out about this... that we haven't started building...
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- they might not come through with their investments. - I won't tattle.
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I really fancy you.
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I fancy you too.
01:41 - 01:43
Michael was falling for Rita.
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- Whee! - And Rita was falling for Michael too.
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But that wasn't part of the plan.
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Rita, you've dirt on your face.
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- It's from school. - I called the school, and you weren't there.
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You know, we're here to learn things, not fall in love.
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So what if I have? I've got feelings, all right?
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I'm a woman too! Not some robot you get to tell everything to.
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I'm sick of it! I'm sick of it all!
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Your instructions and your letters!
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And your little missions. And your stupid assignments.
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"You do the math, Rita." Well, no, you do the math.
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- Oh, God. - Do you remember this?
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And the pledge that you made when you were promised it?
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- I said I'd do anything for it. - I want him out of the picture.
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- Can you do that? - I'm a big girl.
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And Michael returned home as well.
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- Hey, what happened to you? - Oh, I got highlights.
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- It'll blend in about a week. - Here. Yeah, I actually meant the collapse.
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It probably has something to do with the 4,000 hair plugs I had in one sitting.
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Well, maybe you oughta see a doctor.
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Yeah, but he's too busy going to the gym to see his friend Frank.
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Oh, we're more than friends. I'm kind of his spotter.
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Missed a spot. Anyway, we should be looking at some big yen coming in from the Japanese.
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And when it does, I'm taking my gym buddy out to dinner.
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I barely even know you.
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- Who's Frank? - I've been wanting to talk to you about that...
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- but it's a little awkward. - Oh, well.
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I've been wanting to have my own awkward talk as well.
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I think we can be more than just gym buddies.
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- You're blowing my mind, Frank. - I'm an agent, and I'd like to work with you.
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Oh. Oh!
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Well, that is great news. Okay, good.
03:36 - 03:38
I'm so glad you went first. Uh, uh what agency are you with?
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Frank said CIA, a government agency that was responsible for this catastrophe.
03:41 - 03:47
But Tobias thought he said CAA, a talent agency that was responsible for this one.
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Frank's in the business, Michael. He's got a big project for me.
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Says it's "top secret." He kind of looks like you. Same size.
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- Same curly hair. - Tobias, maybe you should spend less time...
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focused on your looks, and more time focused on your daughter, okay?
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Her grades are terrible. She's gonna start getting F's.
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Actually, she'd already gotten one...
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as the movie she'd released in her secret life as a studio executive was losing money.
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But Maeby had a way to fix that.
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- We turn it into a ride. - A ride.
04:19 - 04:22
On the studio tour. What used to be the Hell Tunnel...
04:22 - 04:25
now becomes the Tunnel of Love, Indubitably.
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- But didn't some people die in Hell Tunnel? - That is an urban legend.
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Two elderly people got badly scalded...
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when they tried to climb into the lava cauldron, but I've got that covered.
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Just like the poster!
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Grades like those, she's gonna be taking tickets at a movie theater the rest of her life.
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You know what, you're one to talk. You've completely ignored this family...
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since that British bird flew into your life.
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No, I haven't. Well, maybe a little. But, you know, she's amazing.
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- You know, she was in the Olympics? - She wasn't.
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She's that Rita Leeds?
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- Wasn't she on the cover of Newsweek? - No.
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- Yes. - Michael was thinking of this man.
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She even plays the banjo. Although, I do have to spend more time at work.
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I was at the property the Japanese funded today.
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The whole backside has moles.
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That's Frank's problem too.
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Later that day, Michael went into the office to find the rest of his family.
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Well, look who's finally gracing us with his presence.
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- What's the surrogate doing here? - We're meeting with the lawyers.
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So I've hired this guy to be my eyes and ears.
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- You know, Dad, this guy costs us a fortune. - He's worth every penny.
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- Hey, I didn't say that. - Oh, Michael.
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- Mr. Loblaw. - I'll catch you up.
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- The Japanese are coming. - They are?
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Somebody tipped them off that the property wasn't ready for building.
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Which it would have been if Michael hadn't been so busy with his English muffin.
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- Typical. - Delicious.
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- I need a drink. - I'll take an English muffin.
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We'll have to be honest with these Japanese investors.
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They, uh, come from a culture that values honor and respect.
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And Godzilla!
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- Godzirra! - Just sit down.
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- Okay, guys. - Godzirra!
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This needs to stop now!
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Okay, this is exactly what we shouldn't do when they show up.
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Mom! That's enough.
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- What? We're out of vodka. - Sorry.
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I thought you were doing Godzilla.
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- Mom, that's enough. - What? I'm laughing.
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- Oh. - Hey, maybe that's it.
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Maybe we should do to the Japanese what they do in their movies.
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Build a miniature city. Put it outside their window.
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Tell them it's far away. It'll look real if you squint. God knows they're squinters.
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What do you think, Dad? A whole... "Tiny Town."
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- Another brilliant idea, Einstein. - Really?
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- You like to build it with me? - Larry really never knows how to sell the sarcasm.
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- It's a stupid idea. - Uh. I'll build it with you, Gob.
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Oh, great. That's another brilliant idea, Steinberg.
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I agree with Michael. If you take money from these people under false pretenses...
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you'll be committing fraud.
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The government's already watching your father closely.
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They're going through his mail. They want to put your father in prison for good.
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Yeah, Bob's right. We've got to start thinking practically.
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Life is not some cheesy Japanese movie...
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where the hero pulls on a pair of jet pants and...
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flies off the balcony like Astroboy.
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And that's when George Sr. Did a Web search for the words, "Jet pants."
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- Even better. - The bigger problem is, who alerted the Japanese?
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I think you might have a spy. This room, or someone in it...
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might even be wired with a listening device.
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You need to find that leak and plug it.
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Your father said that he was set up by a British syndicate.
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Maybe you should look for somebody English.
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What?
07:43 - 07:44
I think Michael's already plugged our leak.
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- What is that supposed to mean? - You've been spending a lot of time with Rita.
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- And she's "Britishish." - She's a spy.
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- I haven't told Rita anything. - This was not strictly true.
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Let's start with my family's misdemeanors...
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and then push right on through to the lighter treasons.
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The Japanese backers... if they find out that we haven't started building...
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they might not come through with their investments.
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Then he siphoned off the entire pension fund into a dummy corporation...
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filed for bankruptcy, and used... Do you know any other songs?
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- She's a spy! - Rita is not a spy, okay?
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She's a beautiful, elegant woman. It doesn't make any sense.
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- What doesn't make any sense is why she's dating you. - No, that's a good point.
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Actually, my sources tell me that the leak goes by the name "Mr. F."
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Ah, Mister F. Rita's not a man.
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- As far as you know. - And it could be an alias.
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- Alias is a show about a spy! - All right, that's it!
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I finally find someone that I really care about, my family tries to drive us apart.
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It's not gonna work. So you know what? I got a switch for you.
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You guys handle this problem. I am gonna go have some fun.
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Unbelievable. Deserting the family when we most need him.
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- Shameful. - Gob, I'm sending you a package.
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You'll know what to do with it.
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Michael was upset, and he called Rita.
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- Hello? - Hey, I've been thinking.
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I'm going to start working less, and I do want to start having more fun.
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So, I'd like to take you out tomorrow.
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All day, anywhere you want. What do you say?
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Hell Tunnel takes another name. Will it take another life?
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Oh, I say yes.
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Only, I'm going to take you out.
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The next morning, Michael was heading out for his day with Rita.
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- George Michael. - Hey, I love my present, Dad.
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- I'd wear it to school, but who needs a Welch wedge, right? - Yeah.
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- That's when they... - Enough business. In fact, I got you another present.
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It's something I saw yesterday when I was out with Rita.
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- It's time for us to start having some fun. - I don't know.
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"Fun" and "Failure" both start out the same way.
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Let's just go ahead and rip this down, huh?
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And Larry, the surrogate...
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showed up to pick up the jet pack that George Sr. Had sent to the model home.
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What is that, a train set? Look down, Larry.
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- No, not down at your feet. - Left.
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- My left, your right. - What is the matter with this guy?
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- And, let me guess, he's probably... - saying all that too.
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It is a train set! Those Japanese sites.
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- I'm never gonna find my way... - past that hallway sensor.
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Dad, what are you doing here? Is this the package you sent me?
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Tiny Town. This is for Tiny Town, isn't it?
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You did like my idea, didn't you, Dad?
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I think he's in the can.
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Actually, George Sr. was in the kitchen...
10:34 - 10:36
trying to soothe himself with an ice cream sandwich.
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And that's when he discovered a way to possibly slip by the sensors.
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If mother sees this, she will blow a cow.
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- Uh-oh. - Dad?
10:55 - 10:58
- Oh, cool, a train set. - Oh, I've always wanted one of those.
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Maybe we could build our Tiny Town together.
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Do you want to, Dad?
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Buster had always wanted to do the same with Gob.
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Goody! Yeah. I do want to.
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Yea. I do want to. Goody.
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Gob was thrilled, as was Buster.
11:17 - 11:21
Only Larry was disappointed. But he was such a pro you'd never know it.
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And back at the gym, Tobias was finding out more about the project the agent had suggested.
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Come on! What are you gonna tell me? What've you got for me?
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The Japanese investors you told us about are going over to your place today.
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I need you there when they are. We need you to be a mole.
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Oh. Kind of a backer's audition.
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Okay, I get it. All right. Well then, Frank...
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I shall be a bigger, hairier mole than the one on your inner left thigh.
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And later, Michael and Rita were on the Tantamount Studios tour.
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The thing she doesn't understand about bovine spongiform encephalitis is...
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Hold! Hold! The tram. Let's get out of here, folks! Make some room!
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- Make some room! - Look! It's Malcolm in the Middle!
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In the middle of shooting, I guess.
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Oh, that's okay. It's more important to show how we make the show than actually make it.
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!@%$# Tantamount.
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- Hello? - They dropped off the package you sent...
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but I don't think I'm old enough for it.
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Of course you are. I want you to have a little fun. You're not gonna break anything.
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But of course, Michael thought he was talking about the train set.
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Not the extremely dangerous jet pack the boy had just found at the front door.
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- Well, what if I crash it? - That's half the fun.
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And soon the tour arrived at the Tunnel of Love, Indubitably.
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So take the hand of someone you love...
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as we enter the Tunnel of Love, Indubitably.
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...nnel of Hell.
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But Michael was happy to hold the hand of someone he did love.
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And then, he noticed her bracelet.
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Michael had just noticed that Rita was wearing a suspicious bracelet.
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- What does your bracelet say? - Nothing.
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Oh, look. Look, there they are on the bicycle made for two.
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It says Mr. F, doesn't it? Who is he?
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Nobody. I can't tell you!
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Oh, God. He followed us.
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- But why? - Wait a minute. You know that man?
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It's not what you think it is. It's my uncle.
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Is that Mr. F? What does he want?
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He wants you out of the picture.
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- Bloody right I do. - H-Hey!
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- Oh! - You lied to me, Rita!
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You made me turn against my family. But it's over now.
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Oh! Me!@%s are wet.
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And Maeby received a call about the latest lava cauldron accident.
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Already? It's only been an hour.
13:52 - 13:54
I'm gonna lose this job. Maybe I should let Mort take me out to dinner.
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- Maeby? - Okay, I'm definitely gonna lose this job.
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- I can explain. - Rita set me up. She set us all up.
14:00 - 14:03
This beautiful, funny, brilliant woman was a spy. Everybody was right.
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It was too good to be true. And I... am turning her in.
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Let me tell you something else. I would not want to be the next woman who tries to fool me.
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Well, that was a freebie.
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George Michael, meanwhile, was trying to solve a mystery of his own.
14:18 - 14:21
The jet pack...
14:22 - 14:23
had come with an instructional DVD that seemed to confuse more than clarify.
14:24 - 14:29
for a little payoff.
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- Have fun! - Have fun.
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Meanwhile, Gob was bonding with the man he thought his father was controlling.
14:50 - 14:54
- Almost done with the water tower. - Neat-o.
14:54 - 14:58
He was actually somewhere between the linen closet and the guest room.
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I'm really glad that we're doing this together.
15:08 - 15:11
- I've never felt so close to you. - Oh! I feel the same way.
15:11 - 15:15
- He's crying now. - Oh, God, look at us.
15:15 - 15:19
We're like a couple of girls on the last day of camp.
15:19 - 15:21
Right outside the house, Tobias was working with the man he thought was a talent agent.
15:24 - 15:30
- You ready? - Oh, yes. I'm gonna be a great mole.
15:30 - 15:33
Check, two, three. "Let Lilly lick Lionel's lusty leathers.
15:33 - 15:36
- Let Lilly lick Lionel's"... - The levels are fine.
15:36 - 15:38
- All right. - Remember, no one can know it's you.
15:38 - 15:40
- We need to capture George Sr. - Capture George Sr?
15:40 - 15:44
- What... Is that what you hired me to do? - You didn't realize that?
15:44 - 15:47
No. But it does make perfect sense. I have played him before.
15:47 - 15:52
He had, in the poorly narrated reality series, Scandalmakers.
15:52 - 15:56
It's gonna be tough to work that into the character...
15:57 - 15:58
and it's going to fight the costume I rented...
15:59 - 16:01
but I didn't take six weeks of improv classes at the Groundlings for nothing.
16:01 - 16:04
Michael was on the phone to Bob Loblaw.
16:04 - 16:09
I don't even think she's here legally, all right?
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She's taken advantage of me. I-I want you to take care of this.
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Call the CIA, do whatever you have to do.
16:14 - 16:16
Fine, but you take care of your family. I think they're going ahead with this hoax.
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And if money changes hands, you're all going to jail.
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Well, unfortunately the roads are out, so we can't take you up there to see it in person...
16:23 - 16:27
but if you stand absolutely still right there...
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and just squint in-into the light, and behold, Sudden Hill!
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Gob! Don't!
16:34 - 16:37
It actually looked pretty good. Even the financiers thought so.
16:37 - 16:41
Ishiro said, "I am reassured. And they treat us with respect this time."
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Motoyoshi said, "I thought the woman was pretending as a monster...
16:45 - 16:50
but she was just out of vodka."
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Let's go ahead and close the curtains, and not accept any money while we're ahead.
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So, as you can see, any rumor of a mole problem is completely untrue.
16:55 - 17:00
But, unfortunately, this was just as Tobias appeared in his rented mole outfit.
17:00 - 17:04
- I'm a mole! - Not the village!
17:04 - 17:07
Families can come... Ow! Ow!
17:07 - 17:10
- I'm very particular about building codes. - The water tower.
17:10 - 17:14
And this water tower does not pass muster.
17:14 - 17:18
- Lucille! - Who can save our village?
17:18 - 17:19
- Michael! - As it turned out, it was George Michael...
17:19 - 17:23
who had finally gotten his grandfather's jet pack to work.
17:23 - 17:26
Hard to breathe in this thing. It's really hot. I'm sweating all over myself.
17:28 - 17:33
I can't stop this thing!
17:34 - 17:35
- You're blowing my audition! - I ache with embarrassment.
17:35 - 17:39
The Japanese were never to be heard from again.
17:41 - 17:45
Okay, what's going on here?
17:45 - 17:48
Okay, that's no surprise. George Michael?
17:49 - 17:52
Dad, I-I'm sorry. I can't fly it very well, all right?
17:52 - 17:54
I think I would rather have the Welch.
17:54 - 17:56
I didn't buy you that. I bought you the train set, which you guys just destroyed.
17:56 - 18:00
Did you keep the receipt?
18:00 - 18:02
- What is that? - It's feedback. Is someone else wired?
18:03 - 18:07
Oh, that's me. My friend Frank wired me.
18:07 - 18:10
- He wanted me to be a mole. - Our cover's blown.
18:10 - 18:12
Let's get out of here.
18:12 - 18:16
Good-bye, Tobias.
18:16 - 18:18
He wanted you to be a mole?
18:18 - 18:21
Oh, my God. Tobias Fünke.
18:22 - 18:24
You're Mr. F. Which means that man was Rita's uncle. What have I done?
18:24 - 18:28
- I have to get this suit back. - They destroyed our town.
18:28 - 18:31
- But they can't take away our memories. - Oh! I've had...
18:31 - 18:34
- the time of my life. - I think he's being sarcastic, Gob.
18:34 - 18:38
No, I'm not, Mother. I mean lover.
18:38 - 18:42
- I like making love to Mother. - I mean lover!
18:42 - 18:44
- Oh, my God. Buster, is that you? - Yes.
18:45 - 18:48
Gob, it's just I wanted to spend some time with you.
18:48 - 18:51
That's all. And you enjoyed it. You can't deny that.
18:51 - 18:54
I guess you're right.
18:54 - 18:57
Maybe we should spend more time together.
18:57 - 18:59
- Oh, I'd really like that. - It's weird.
18:59 - 19:03
It took some idiot parrot man with a camera in his hat to bring us together.
19:03 - 19:08
But even a pro like Larry has a breaking point.
19:09 - 19:12
Rita.
19:14 - 19:16
- What do you want? I have to pack. - Pack? Where are you going?
19:16 - 19:19
- Someone called the bobbies on us. - No, no.
19:20 - 19:23
- My uncle and I have to go back to big Britain. - Oh, that was me, Rita.
19:23 - 19:25
I am so, so sorry. I didn't know what was going on.
19:26 - 19:29
Why did your uncle threaten me?
19:29 - 19:31
He thought you might be trouble.
19:31 - 19:33
- That was actually very astute of him. - Good-bye, Michael.
19:33 - 19:38
You know, I really did fancy you. I can't stay here now.
19:38 - 19:41
- Marry me. - What?
19:42 - 19:44
Let me marry you.
19:44 - 19:46
You can get a green card, you-you can stay and we can just see if this works, you know?
19:46 - 19:50
It sounds crazy, but this will give us a chance...
19:50 - 19:53
to get away from both of our families and see if this works.
19:53 - 19:56
Might be fun.
19:56 - 19:58
- Really? - Yes.
20:00 - 20:04
Yes, yes, yes!
20:04 - 20:07
But let's go right now, okay? Before my uncle gets out of the shower for some more cigarettes.
20:07 - 20:11
You take that, I gotta leave a note.
20:11 - 20:13
But there was one piece of intelligence that Michael didn't have.
20:20 - 20:24
- Interesting. - Don't even think about it, Jay. She's an MRF.
20:24 - 20:28
- MRF? What's that? - Mentally retarded female.
20:28 - 20:32
- That explains what she's doing with him. - And the hats.
20:32 - 20:36
Oh, my God! She's gonna marry him.
20:41 - 20:44
On the next Arrested Development.
20:44 - 20:47
George Sr., disoriented in the walls, almost makes contact with a new mole.
20:47 - 20:52
Not that one. Wait for it.
20:56 - 20:59
And Michael and Rita start a new life together.
21:02 - 21:05
- What's that? - A prize.
21:05 - 21:08
A lovely, lovely prize.
21:08 - 21:11
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