Episode 2x18 - "The Righteous Brothers"
Director: Chuck Martin
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:01 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
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but to keep them all together.
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Michael Bluth was working at home when he noticed something unusual.
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That can't be good.
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Okay, I checked underneath, and there is a problem.
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- You know this isn't a real house? - It's a model house.
00:32 - 00:34
Well, the drain pipes aren't hooked up. Just empty under the house.
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- Plus, there's a lot ofblue paint down there. - And some pieces of denim?
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- Yeah. - We've got a guy like that here.
00:41 - 00:43
Well, that's why your living room is sinking.
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And I think the city's gonna have to red-tag it.
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The city is sending out an inspector.
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They're gonna be crawling over every inch of this place. You're going to need to leave.
00:50 - 00:53
Where the hell do you want me to go? Back to your mother's?
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I believe there's a freeloading loser in my bed.
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Buster just lost a hand. He's going through a lot.
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I'm talking about Oscar.
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Oh, yes. Your brother. I can see why that would bug you.
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In fact, Oscar had stayed with Lucille primarily to reconnect with Buster...
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- whom he secretly believed to be his natural son. - Hey, Uncle.
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I feel so responsible for that.
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Oscar had gotten injured on a shoddy device George Sr. Had invented...
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- when he forgot Buster was wearing a prosthetic hand. - Buster! The Cornballer!
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- It's my father's fault! - My fault?
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I was trying to keep you from burning yourself, you idiot!
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I mean, yes, yes. George Sr. Sure rushed this to market.
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The only reason she likes him is he has hair.
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And the only reason he has any is because he's never had any stress.
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Yeah? Well, you could save me a lot of stress if you just turned yourself in.
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No, never. I can't go back to the joint. No, I cannot go back there.
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- Hey, man!
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Yeah!
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- It's a hell-hole. - I finally got the court to try you in absentia.
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Which means we're not supposed to have any idea where you are.
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So you don't have to go to prison, but you can't stay here.
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Remember that French movie we tried to sneak into once- Dangerous Cousins?
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No, l-Why? Did we-
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I don't remember that, no.
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George Michael remembered very well.
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In fact, he currently had a copy of the DVD hidden in his sock drawer.
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Kind of.
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Why do you ask?
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It wasn't great, and Maeby knew it.
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The studio at which she'd finagled a job had hoped to avoid controversy...
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Shut up and kiss me!
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- Where is everybody? - They've been fired.
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And you gotta fix this, or you're gonna be fired too.
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- Cut it down if you have to. - But it's only 71 minutes long.
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And it's only, like, 63 minutes long. So bring Ann.
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No, that's not her kind of thing.
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I mean, if it maintains any of the complex eroticism of the French original anyway.
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I like the way they think.
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And later, at the office, Michael had another surprise.
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This can't be good.
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"Michael, it saddens me greatly to say to you...
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"that I can no longer work at the Bluth Company.
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- You've been a great boss"- - I'm sorry, Tobias. Do you work here?
03:24 - 03:27
Do I work- I developed an eating disorder being your assistant, Michael.
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I never saw you at the desk.
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Well, excuse me if I was too busy on my knees in front of the toilet, Michael.
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"and invited me to audition in Las Vegas.
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Also, I've developed some issues with food"-
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I'm sorry to interrupt one more time. Is this the real Blue Man Group this time?
03:46 - 03:49
Tobias had recently been asked to address a group of depressed men...
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who had been described over the phone as blue.
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I feel like a- idiot.
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Fortunately, I found a wonderful circle of men to get me through that.
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Oh, before I forget, your old secretary, Kitty Sanchez, called...
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and wanted to meet with you.
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- I penciled her in for 4:00 today. - Why didn't you tell me?
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Oh, this is my fault too?
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Everything- No. No! I will not let this make me eat!
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So get this. Tomorrow I gotta go on record and say I don't know where Dad is.
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And now Kitty Sanchez wants to meet with me.
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And meetings with Kitty had never ended well.
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- Say good-bye to these. - Spring break! Whoo!
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- Perhaps this'll jog your memory. - Oh! They're crooked!
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Plus, Dad will not leave the attic, which means he's gonna get caught...
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which means I'm gonna get caught for hiding him.
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Well, why don't you get Gob to do your dirty work for you?
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Shall I knock Dad out and chain him to a pipe somewhere?
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Or should I risk another herpes outbreak with Kitty?
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- Which is it this time? - Definitely not one of those two things.
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But are you upset about something, Gob?
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I made you a thank-you gift last week about which you haven't said word one.
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Come on. You asked me for $5,000...
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so that you could invest in a Franklin CD.
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Now, I assumed that you were talking about the mutual fund...
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and not a compact disc of you singing to your hand.
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Gob had recently made a recording ofhis ventriloquism act.
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"Franklin Comes Alive." Take one.
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He hoped it would break down racial barriers and maybe be a crossover hit.
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It ain't easy bein' white
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It ain't easy bein' brown
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All this pressure to be bright
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I got childrens all over town
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Sometimes- Hey, where'd the guy go?
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I tried to express something to you in a couple of those numbers...
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and maybe, just maybe, heal this country a little bit.
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But you, you didn't even bother to listen to it.
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I did listen to it. L-l-l-I am listening to it. Gob. Hey.
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Maybe the reason I didn't say anything is 'cause I didn't want to embarrass you.
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It's my favorite, favorite record.
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Well, then you- you- up.
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Because I am so embarrassed.
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It's a good CD. It's a really good CD.
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- I can't believe that you love it. - I love it so much.
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Oh, God. Oh, God, look at us.
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Crying like a couple of girls.
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Aw, you're the only one crying. But I love the music.
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- And the card with your face on it? - And the healing.
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Home run!
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We'll do your dirty work for you, Mikey.
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- You leave the rough stuff to Franklin and me. - Now I gotta listen to that CD.
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- Hi, Dad. - Right.
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You remember Franklin.
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- Hey, Franklin. - My man!
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- How 'bout some tongue? - Wha- Oh-
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But Franklin didn't want to kiss at all.
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Gob had soaked the puppet's mouth in ether.
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And downstairs, Tobias shared his good news with Lindsay.
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"...once in a lifetime."
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Tobias, I am not uprooting my life and moving to Vegas.
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Maybe this is a sign that our relationship isn't working, and we should split again.
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Wait a second. I thought we were split up, and this would bring us back together.
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Well, maybe the fact that we don't know if we're together or not...
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is a sign that we should split again.
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Or stay split up.
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Okay, forget about Vegas. We'll stay here and get back together.
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Or stay together and either rekindle or fan this fire.
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And soon, Gob was on his way to dump his father on the police station steps.
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Do you forgive me?
07:28 - 07:29
And he decided to let himself off the hook using his ventriloquist skills.
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I cherish you, Gob. Come here and give me a kiss.
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I'm driving, Dad. Now!
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It was weird.
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And that's when Gob noticed the CD and card that he'd made for Michael.
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It's not even open. Michael!
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Meanwhile, Michael's meeting with Kitty wasn't as distressing as he'd thought.
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The program has changed my life. And I have a sponsor now. He's famous.
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- That's great. - I can't tell you who he is.
08:01 - 08:03
But let's just say that he was on Night Court.
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- Well, you look great. - I can tell you who it's not.
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It's not Bull. It's not Harry Anderson.
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- I got it. - He's white.
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I know who it is.
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What happens is, when I don't have a man in my life, I tend to go a little crazy.
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- Mm-hmm. - But I'm keeping it together now.
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And I wanted to tell you I'm not gonna try to hurt you guys anymore.
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- Don't suppose I can get that in writing. - You did try to blow me up.
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- Sorry about that. - Just don't piss me off again.
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You all right?
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"Oftentimes the heart acts without consulting the head, and thusly"-
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Oh, I see you wasted no time in filling my seat hole.
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Oh, no, no. I just came by so that you could say good-bye to these.
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- Oh, no, no, no, no. - It's the last time you're going to be seeing these.
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How ironic. I just found out I'm staying.
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- Will you take these back? - Okay, let's just all put our tops down.
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Just put 'em on down.
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You're not goin' to Vegas?
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Sadly, my wife said no to my dream.
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So I shall continue to toil through this waking life.
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Wow, you are so real. Why can't I meet someone like you?
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And Michael decided that he better keep Kitty occupied with a man.
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At least until after his meeting.
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Hey, gang, I got an idea. Tobias, why don't you take Kitty out for the afternoon?
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Huh?
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Are you trying to set up your former assistant with your current assistant?
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What a great idea for a Hugh Grant-Julia Roberts type movie.
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I recently heard that the actor, John Larroquette, was looking for a meaty character piece.
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And so, free of obstacles...
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Michael prepared to sign the affidavit...
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maintaining he had no idea where his father was.
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You have not been in contact with him. Are you prepared to do that?
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Officers!
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Michael, these men are here- just a little bit early-
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because we have photographic evidence...
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which discredits the affidavit you just signed.
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Are those balls? 'Cause the last time we were here, they were balls.
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These are not balls. This was taken with a traffic camera.
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It shows you in your car with your father within the last 24 hours.
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I wish they were balls.
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Michael was in police custody...
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after a photo ofhim helping his father escape had turned up.
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Did you see that picture? That's you, right?
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Were you holdin' up a photo of me or somethin'?
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Of course you don't recognize it.
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- It's the card from the CD you didn't even open. - You found that, did you?
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Right between the gearbox and the "pull back from aircraft" lever.
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So this is how you repay me for how I repay you?
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Probably should've told you, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
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Oh, you're so sensitive.
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Just like when you whipped up those tears talking about how much you loved it.
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I will listen to it, I promise. But I'm in a lot of trouble here. Where is Dad?
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I've got him stashed away somewhere safe now.
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- Get him, quickly, otherwise I'm gonna be stuck in here. - Good!
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- I hope you rot in here! - What-
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And guess what else? Dad kissed me.
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How? He looked pretty unconscious in that picture.
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I didn't say he was totally into it.
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And George Michael tried to break up with Ann.
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I can't go out tomorrow night, 'cause there's this movie premiere at-
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It's kinda racy, but-
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Oh, the cousin one? I can't believe it. I was just gonna ask you to go.
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- You want to see that? - No, I want to get the whole church group together.
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We're gonna picket those bastards.
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George Michael had only heard Ann swear once before...
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when hejoined some ofher youth group to protest the home of Marc Cherry...
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executive producer of the hit show Desperate Housewives.
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- It's a satire! - There's nothing funny about fornication!
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The bastard saw us!
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And the promise of another kiss was too enticing to turn down.
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Well, yes. The bastards.
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Oscar, meanwhile, checked in on Buster.
12:03 - 12:07
Buster! Buster! Be careful!
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- It's not a real hand, remember? - I'm so forgetful.
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- I hope you don't get that from me. - Get that from you?
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Do you feel okay?
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Just forget it!
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I wanted to share my Pop Secret with you. Oh, but forget it!
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Pop secret?
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Pop se- Is Oscar my real father?
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Lucille, meanwhile, was on the phone with Michael.
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They're keeping me overnight. Could you tell my son I'm on a business trip?
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- Why can't the girl at work do it? - Tobias?
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I sent him on a date with Kitty to keep her off our backs.
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You better hope Lindsay doesn't find out. She'll be devastated.
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- Find out what? - Your husband's dating Kitty the whore.
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He is? That's- That's horrible.
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Do I know my daughter?
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She only wants what she can't have.
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Since you're devastating people...
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tell Gob I'll be telling the cops it was him in the truck...
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so he'll be joining me here.
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I've got a nice, hard cot with his name on it.
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- You'd do that to your own brother? - I said "cot."
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Where's Mother?
13:10 - 13:12
You lied to me. You said my father was my father, but my uncle is my father.
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My father is my uncle!
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At that moment, the guards played a CD they'd recently confiscated.
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Now I got a special thank you to the brother who made this happen.
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Michael realized that he could never turn his brother in. - Michael!
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- Gob, meanwhile, was having a similar epiphany.
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Barry, it's Gob. Tell Michael not to testify.
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I'm bringing in Dad.
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Franklin.
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You've ruined the act, Gob.
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And Lucille confronted Oscar.
14:16 - 14:17
- You told him you were his father? - I did no such thing!
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- You're high! - You're drunk!
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Not this time. I've had enough of you.
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So say good-bye to these, because it's the last time-
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And Ann in a protest at the theater.
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George Michael? Are you protesting this?
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- This isn't the line? - Yes, he is protesting this.
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He even helped me make the signs.
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Well, only mine and the one that says, "This is a tricky, gray area."
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- What are you guys protesting? - It's a disgusting movie...
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about cousins who are into each other.
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Are there any more seats?
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Yeah. It's the best 52 minutes you'll spend all day.
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Oh, no. We're making it worse.
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Prepare to be swallowed into the depths of hell!
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- I guess that means no kiss? - I'm not really in the mood for a kiss.
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This isn't Marc Cherry's house.
15:02 - 15:04
- Where's your dad? - I don't know. I just got here.
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Oh, that's right. Mother told me he went to jail.
15:14 - 15:16
I'm so mad at her.
15:16 - 15:19
- Guess who I just found out my father is? - Jail?
15:19 - 15:21
Oscar! He didn't mean to tell me, but I figured it out.
15:21 - 15:24
- No, I mean, my dad is in jail? - I wouldn't worry about it. Barry's very good.
15:24 - 15:27
I'm going to take a long shower. I don't even want to smell like Mother anymore.
15:27 - 15:33
I don't think we're supposed to shower right now, Bus-
15:33 - 15:35
- Tobias back yet? - No.
15:35 - 15:36
Oh, my God. He's really out with her.
15:37 - 15:39
- Are you drunk? - Not enough.
15:39 - 15:40
I pushed him right into someone else's skanky, bony arms.
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Well, let me tell you something, George Michael.
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You have to grab love while you have it. Don't let it get away.
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Oh, there you are.
15:49 - 15:50
Oh, Maeby, everything's fine. Your daddy's just out.
15:50 - 15:53
Yeah, we're doing great.
15:53 - 15:55
Mommy's gonna take a bath with a bottle of wine.
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- I don't know if we're supposed to use- - So get this.
15:58 - 16:00
All the press actually made the premiere a hit. There's lines for the next show.
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Thanks, buddy.
16:04 - 16:07
Hey, look at that. We didn't get swallowed up into hell.
16:07 - 16:11
And that's when George Michael finally got close to Maeby...
16:14 - 16:17
who, by the way, might not be his biological cousin.
16:18 - 16:21
Just then, Gob came home to retrieve his father from where he'd stashed him.
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- Dad's gonna be crushed. - You don't have to tell him!
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But Gob was referring to his own father...
16:28 - 16:31
who he had hidden under the house.
16:31 - 16:34
Uh-oh.
16:34 - 16:36
Gob had hidden his father under a house that had just collapsed.
16:38 - 16:42
Children, you're small. Crawl under there.
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- We don't want to go under there. - He's not under there.
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He got away. Thank God.
16:47 - 16:49
But then Gob remembered that this meant Michael would have to go to prison.
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- We- - l-
16:55 - 16:57
And Michael and Barry made their way to the arraignment.
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Gob is bringing your father. Everything is going to work out fine.
17:02 - 17:04
I wish they'd hurry up. But I gotta tell you, I am a little torn.
17:04 - 17:09
My father, he has created a lot of problems for the family...
17:09 - 17:13
and by staying in the attic he was insuring I would go to jail with him, but-
17:13 - 17:17
Well, maybe I'm not so torn.
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- Michael. Barry. - Hey, Gob.
17:21 - 17:23
- Where's Dad? - Great news. Dad wasn't crushed to death.
17:23 - 17:26
- Was there risk of that? - Yes.
17:26 - 17:28
Well, I handcuffed him under the house.
17:28 - 17:29
But he got free- the pipes I chained him to weren't connected to anything.
17:29 - 17:32
- Oh, I'm not prepared for this case. - Are you insane?
17:33 - 17:36
- No "thank you" for trying? - I'm sick of you needing constant validation for screwing up.
17:36 - 17:41
Let me tell you what's gonna happen. I'm gonna tell them it was you in the stair car.
17:41 - 17:46
Well, let me tell you what's gonna happen.
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First, I'm gonna beat the crap out of you, then I'm gonna call an ambulance.
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Then knowing you, I'm gonna have to wait for some kind of an apology.
17:52 - 17:55
Come here!
17:57 - 17:59
As the boys set to once again fighting in front of the courthouse-
18:02 - 18:06
- Stop it! Stop it! - the family began to show up for the arraignment.
18:06 - 18:08
I know you're in the middle of something, but I'm afraid I can't work for you today.
18:09 - 18:13
I'm going to Vegas with Kitty.
18:13 - 18:15
But Lindsay wasn't about to lose her man without a fight.
18:15 - 18:18
Over my dead body!
18:18 - 18:20
Oh, my-
18:20 - 18:22
Hey! Hey! I said- I said enough!
18:22 - 18:27
Now, stop it.
18:27 - 18:28
I am so tired of this family fighting. The anger ends now.
18:29 - 18:33
You're brothers, and brothers stick together no matter what.
18:33 - 18:37
Families stick together.
18:38 - 18:40
I have torn this family apart with my lies and my cowardice...
18:40 - 18:44
but that comes to an end now.
18:44 - 18:47
So I'm turning myself in.
18:47 - 18:49
I don't want you to come and visit me in prison this time.
18:49 - 18:52
'Cause you deserve Oscar now.
18:54 - 18:57
Tobias, I actually fought for you.
19:03 - 19:06
I can't believe it.
19:06 - 19:08
- I'm going to Vegas with Kitty. - Huh?
19:08 - 19:12
Oh, George, I've lost you again.
19:19 - 19:21
Take back Oscar, Mother.
19:22 - 19:24
I think I lost him too.
19:24 - 19:26
In fact, Oscar was on his way out of town...
19:26 - 19:29
when he was approached by George Sr...
19:29 - 19:32
who had just escaped from under the house.
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I want you to turn me in so you can get the reward, take care of the family.
19:34 - 19:38
Why would you do that for me?
19:38 - 19:40
Because we're brothers.
19:40 - 19:42
Later, while George Sr. Was shaving his unconscious brother's head...
19:44 - 19:48
he wondered whether there really was a reward, and ifhe could get it.
19:48 - 19:52
But there was no time, and getting even with his brother was reward enough.
19:52 - 19:57
So it was Oscar who was going to be spending a little time alone in prison.
20:00 - 20:04
I guess Dad finally came through for us. He actually made a sacrifice.
20:04 - 20:07
Although who knows what he's up to.
20:07 - 20:09
We should just stay away from him, let him have a little time alone in prison.
20:10 - 20:13
He is right about one thing, though. We're brothers. We shouldn't be fighting.
20:13 - 20:16
- We cannot afford to lose each other. - I can't.
20:16 - 20:19
- I already lost a brother today. - Franklin?
20:19 - 20:22
Well, I didn't lose him. But he's all puckered and white.
20:22 - 20:24
On the plus side, you can take him to lunch at the club now.
20:25 - 20:27
That's the kind of joke he would have loved.
20:27 - 20:30
Oh, man!
20:30 - 20:32
- Please don't do this.
20:36 - 20:39
- All right.
20:40 - 20:42
On the next season of Arrested Development.
20:44 - 20:47
I burned them on a Cornballer.
20:48 - 20:50
Oscar, robbed of his fingerprints, has difficulty proving his identity...
20:50 - 20:55
My hair's gonna grow back. You'll see.
20:55 - 20:57
Tobias and Kitty go to Vegas...
20:57 - 20:59
- only to find that his dream job has been filled. - You found someone already?
20:59 - 21:02
Just came out of nowhere, this guy.
21:02 - 21:04
And the great thing is, he's never out of character.
21:04 - 21:08
And George Sr. Turns out to be right about the effects of stress.
21:08 - 21:12
What's happening to me? Why won't it grow back?
21:12 - 21:15