Episode 2x17 - "Spring Breakout"
Director: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:01 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
00:04 - 00:06
but to keep them all together.
00:06 - 00:08
It's Arrested Development.
00:14 - 00:15
Michael Bluth had set up a meeting with Cal Cullen...
00:18 - 00:22
owner of one of the largest parcels ofland in Orange County.
00:22 - 00:25
I hope that I can prove to you that we have a very impressive company.
00:25 - 00:28
Well, your family did not come off well on last night's Scandalmakers.
00:28 - 00:32
Scandalmakers was a show...
00:32 - 00:34
that reenacted headline-grabbing stories.
00:34 - 00:37
The latest was about the Bluth family...
00:37 - 00:39
the rights of which had been signed away by Tobias...
00:39 - 00:41
in exchange for the part of George Sr.
00:41 - 00:44
When allegations surfaced he'd illegally built homes in Iraq...
00:44 - 00:48
George Bluth Sr., assisted by his secretary, Kitty...
00:48 - 00:51
escaped the country.
00:51 - 00:53
Due to poor acting, the burden of the story was placed on the narrator.
00:53 - 00:57
Only to be found hiding under one of the homes that he built.
00:57 - 01:01
He was actually found in a hole near the house...
01:01 - 01:03
but this inattention to detail was typical...
01:04 - 01:06
- of the laziness the show's narrator was known for. - I can't survive under the house.
01:06 - 01:09
Perhaps an attic shall I seek.
01:10 - 01:13
Real shoddy narrating. Just pure crap.
01:13 - 01:15
But we're back on track, and we are scandal-free.
01:15 - 01:18
Hey! You start the meeting without me?
01:18 - 01:22
Mother, uh, this is Cal Cullen. You remember my mother, Lucille.
01:22 - 01:26
We're right in the middle of talking...
01:26 - 01:29
about this exciting giveaway spa package to entice buyers.
01:29 - 01:31
You know, he's never taken me anywhere.
01:31 - 01:33
Oh, no. We have to live high and dry.
01:34 - 01:37
Well, you're certainly not dry.
01:37 - 01:39
Michael, I'm not a prude, but it's 1:00 in the afternoon. Is your mother drunk?
01:39 - 01:43
I'd have to get up pretty early to get drunk by 1:00.
01:43 - 01:47
As it turns out, she had gotten up early...
01:47 - 01:49
and had taken pain medication because of a hangover-related headache.
01:49 - 01:53
However, she mistook the "drowsy eye"alcohol warning...
01:53 - 01:57
for a "winking eye"alcohol suggestion.
01:57 - 02:00
Fortunately, she had the good sense not to drive herself to the meeting.
02:00 - 02:04
No. I'll call for a car.
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Unfortunately, this was after a failed attempt to do so.
02:07 - 02:12
Who the hell put-
02:12 - 02:14
Michael, I'm sorry. I cannot do business with you.
02:14 - 02:17
I mean, I couldn't afford to end up on Scandalmakers.
02:17 - 02:20
Oh, you could afford to do anything you want. You're just a big chicken.
02:20 - 02:23
Michael realized it might be time...
02:30 - 02:32
to deal with his mother's apparent problem.
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Okay, that seems as good a place as any to end the meeting.
02:34 - 02:37
No, I'm not doing another intervention with her.
02:41 - 02:43
Last time, I felt terrible for a week.
02:43 - 02:45
One year earlier, the family had tried an intervention.
02:46 - 02:49
- You're pouring a drink? What are you doing? - What if she's mad?
02:49 - 02:52
- Good point. - Perhaps I'll have a little sip of something.
02:52 - 02:55
Guys, what could she do to us?
02:55 - 02:57
Do we have anything single malt?
02:58 - 03:01
And although the intervention didn't work-
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- We think you have a "prollen." - You're a mesh.
03:04 - 03:07
It turned into one of the Bluth family's better parties.
03:07 - 03:10
Well, maybe an intervention is the wrong approach.
03:18 - 03:21
What about rehab? She was just a mess at the meeting.
03:21 - 03:23
Where were you, by the way? I could've used your help with Mom.
03:23 - 03:26
I believe I told you I was gonna be out for the holidays. It's spring break.
03:26 - 03:30
Not that I can enjoy it. My reputation's been ruined...
03:30 - 03:33
by that jerk Phillip Litt, who put my one magic show flub on his DVD.
03:33 - 03:37
Gob had performed a magic act at an earlier spring break...
03:37 - 03:40
to get exposure on the best-selling video series...
03:40 - 03:43
Girls with Low Self-Esteem.
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Or two flubs or whatever.
03:48 - 03:49
There were seven flubs...
03:50 - 03:52
and after the show, he signed a release.
03:52 - 03:54
- You're not gonna use the time that I screwed up, right? - That wasn't part of the act?
03:54 - 03:58
Come on, man. I'd never do anything to embarrass you.
03:58 - 04:01
Please.
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Oh. Uh, you don't know a good bird hospital, do you?
04:04 - 04:08
You're getting all this, right?
04:08 - 04:10
Well, at least the Orange County Register didn't say of your performance...
04:10 - 04:14
"If this is who George Sr. Is, let's hope he remains missing."
04:14 - 04:18
Meanwhile, they loved Dave Attell's risky choice...
04:18 - 04:21
of wearing cutoffs while portraying me.
04:21 - 04:23
In fact, Mr. Attell was portraying...
04:23 - 04:26
Tobias's actual never-nude affliction...
04:26 - 04:28
but this perplexed the Scandalmakers audience...
04:28 - 04:31
due to the unfocused nature of the narrator's explanation.
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No, I think mine's worse. You should've seen what happened to me on the boardwalk today.
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They were laughing at me. Me!
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Those tapes are awful. Women tricked into taking their tops off.
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I have a daughter I don't want corrupted by the media.
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Unbeknownst to Lindsay...
04:50 - 04:51
Maeby was a fairly prominent member of the media...
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as she had secretly conned her way into a job as a film executive.
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She'd go to the guy just 'cause he said she's awesome?
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- You call that dialogue? - Hey, I didn't write it.
05:03 - 05:05
No, but you're gonna fix it. It's a spring break movie. Find out what they sound like.
05:05 - 05:09
Oh, yeah, right. Do you really think I look college-aged?
05:09 - 05:12
I'm not drunk. But I'm willing to be. Hint.
05:12 - 05:15
Oh, Mort, you're gonna be so easy to blackmail. Hint.
05:15 - 05:19
This pig Phillip Litt is out there asking girls to take their tops off.
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- It's an outrage. - Well, of course you feel that way. You're jealous.
05:27 - 05:31
You're a surfboard. But I do agree he is a pig.
05:31 - 05:34
Hey! What the hell was that for?
05:34 - 05:36
Can we stop worrying about girls with low self-esteem...
05:36 - 05:38
and start focusing on sobering up the woman who gave us ours?
05:38 - 05:42
- What do you think about rehab? - She won't go willingly. I can tell you that.
05:42 - 05:46
May I make a suggestion? Get implants. Really.
05:46 - 05:50
Wha- Come on! This stuff is expensive!
05:50 - 05:52
So Michael set out to convince his mother that she needed help.
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Hello? Hello? I have a surprise for you.
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- Did I win the prize? - You won the prize.
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I won the prize! I won the prize! For what?
06:01 - 06:05
We were gonna give one employee a week at the spa.
06:05 - 06:07
We were even gonna put them in the ad, but then I thought...
06:07 - 06:10
"What about Mom? She's elegant. She deserves it."
06:10 - 06:12
I was gonna tell you at the office, but then I thought...
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"No. If I bring her around now, she might vomit on the overhead projector."
06:15 - 06:19
I'm so embarrassed about that. I don't think I was supposed to drink with my medication.
06:19 - 06:23
Actually, it wasn't even her medication.
06:23 - 06:26
Of course, I can't take Oscar to an elegant place.
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His only remaining pair of pants blew apart the other day.
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I was thinking that I would go with you for the week.
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So what? I just stay here alone? I'm not exactly equipped to run this place by myself!
06:35 - 06:39
You can't just leave me here alone!
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Have a great trip.
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But it wouldn't turn out to be a great trip at all.
06:45 - 06:49
As Michael's mother was being held against her will...
06:57 - 07:00
George Sr. Was about to be confronted with a similar problem.
07:00 - 07:04
Kitty. How'd you find me?
07:04 - 07:06
I thought you were dead until I saw Scandalmakers!
07:06 - 07:09
They got so much wrong. But something about your son-in-law's comment...
07:09 - 07:13
"Perhaps an attic shall I seek," had the ring of truth to it.
07:13 - 07:18
Notice it wasn't something the narrator said.
07:18 - 07:20
- You abandoned me in Mexico! - Kitty, honey, l-I know you're mad.
07:20 - 07:25
Stop talking, George. You stop talking!
07:25 - 07:28
I am in charge now. You're coming with me.
07:28 - 07:31
No, I can't. I ca- I have a life here.
07:31 - 07:34
There are people who- who depend on me.
07:34 - 07:37
Fine. But I can't make any promises...
07:37 - 07:40
about what happens to that cooler of evidence I have.
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If I could just have a moment to say good-bye.
07:43 - 07:47
Meanwhile, at the banana stand...
07:49 - 07:51
Maeby was hoping to find some witty banter...
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with which to authenticate her feature film.
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I want the hot chick to serve me.
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What other words would you use to describe me?
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- Um, she's 15, and she's my cousin. - So?
08:01 - 08:03
So you can't touch your cousin- my cousin.
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You know, you don't have to stick around.
08:07 - 08:09
I could just work late tonight. It doesn't matter, 'cause my girlfriend, she's out of town.
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She's actually kind of lucky in the end...
08:13 - 08:15
'cause all these guys would be coming on to her.
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Yeah, you really dodged a bullet there.
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Nearby, Phillip Litt was making his latest video.
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Everybody gather around! Gather around! Ladies, here's the deal.
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We have hats. You have breasts.
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You show your breasts, you get a hat, okay?
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So if anyone wants to get back at Daddy, now's the time.
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- Whoo! Wait. Cut, cut. We got a surfboard in the shot. - Surfboard. Stop tape.
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We're here to stop you from taking advantage of these girls.
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You know what? You're sassy. You're sexy. You speak your mind. There's nothin' hotter.
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- Give her a hat, Barry. - I don't want a hat. I want you to leave these women alone.
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I'm giving them a chance to be idolized...
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which is an opportunity these women are never gonna have again.
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- I want to be ideolized. - Yeah, you do!
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Eileen, stop it. You've got nothing to gain from that.
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That's easy for you to say. You already have a hat.
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Come on, girls!
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This is no way to get your daddies to notice you!
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Nearby, Lindsay's own daddy failed to notice her...
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as he was being taken to a local motel...
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where he refused Kitty's sexual advances.
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You promised me power and a child, and I have neither.
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I'm gonna take care of this problem... on my own.
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You never promise crazy a baby.
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George Sr. Was abandoned and longed for Lucille...
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and Buster felt the same way.
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Upon her knee
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- So fine to be - Whoo-hoo-hoo!
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Mother and boy
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Restless, Buster went to the kitchen...
09:58 - 10:00
to find something to help him sleep...
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- when he came across Lucille's emergency stash of wine- - Motherboy
10:02 - 10:06
which he mistook for a giantjuice box.
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It was the first taste of alcohol Buster had since he was nursing.
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- Mama!
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And Michael, his mother no longer a threat...
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- Thank you so much for your understanding, sir. - met again with Cal Cullen.
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As I mentioned on the phone, she did seek help.
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And it was extremely moving when she finally admitted that she has a problem.
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I'll take care of you, you son of a-
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Shady Pines is a wonderful facility up there on the hill.
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- You know, they used to film Sugarfoot up there. - No?
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- Were you a fan of Sugarfoot? - I loved it.
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Sugarfoot had been off the air...
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12 years before Michael was born.
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Sing the theme song of Sugarfoot along with me.
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- Yes
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Oh, what the hell. You're a good kid.
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Let's make the deal.
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- Oh, great. I've got papers- - Michael!
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Remember me? Perhaps this'll jog your memory.
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- Oh! They're crooked. - I've kidnapped your father, Michael...
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and I have a cooler full of evidence...
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that will bring down this corrupt company.
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Unless your mother meets me today at 4:00 at Señor Tadpole's.
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Spring break. Whoo!
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Dad? - Michael's father had just been kidnapped.
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Hello?
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And then he received a call that his brother had been found drunk.
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No, I'm fine. I'm telling you.
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For the first time, I realize that maybe I am better off without her!
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- Yeah, well, we've gotta bring her back. - Oh, thank God!
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So if we want to get that evidence back, and Dad...
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Kitty is insisting on a meeting with Mom.
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- What can Mom do for her? - I don't know. I've gotta get my hands on that evidence.
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Problem is I just checked her into rehab.
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They're not exactly gonna let me take her to a bar.
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So, Gob, I need you to help me sneak her past the guards.
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Well, gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out at spring break would be Mom.
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- She's better looking than the whores you date. - Don't call my escorts whores.
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- Mom's still got it! - I don't date whores!
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Stop it! Stop it! This objectification of women has to stop!
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- It's just Mom and whores. - No, how would you like it?
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Actually, that's not a bad idea.
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I should turn the tables on men and see how they like being objectified.
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- Men with low self-esteem. Get their clothes off. - That is a great-
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That is a great social statement.
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I shall get the video camera. This is ripe for parody.
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This is ripe!
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Hejust wants to see boys'Linuses. Oh, God.
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Here we go.
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because I brought you here under false pretenses...
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- but I really was worried about you. - Oh, please.
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I've been drinking since before you were born.
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So if alcohol is the reason I'm here, I've got news for you, bub.
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It's the only reason you're here too.
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Hey, you're mean sober too.
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Uh, listen. I need your help.
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Kitty has shown up, and she got ahold of Dad.
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She found him in the attic?
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They had a rerun of Scandalmakers last night. Everybody figured it out.
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She would like to meet you at a bar.
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She says she's got some evidence that could bring the business down if you don't go.
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You're sending me into a bar?
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Are you sure you can trust me to make decisions for myself?
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I just need you to find out what she wants...
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while I check all the local motels for Dad.
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All right. But here's what I want.
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A spa weekend with you. A real one.
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I want to spend spring break with you.
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You have high self-esteem, right?
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Not after being in here. It's a nightmare.
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Michael, Mom. We've gotta go now. I created a diversion.
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And so Lucille was able to meet with Kitty at Señor Tadpole's.
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I want what's due to me- a Bluth son.
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And I know you have the material.
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Kitty was right. Ten years earlier...
14:25 - 14:28
George Sr. Was taking an experimental hair growth drug.
14:28 - 14:31
Fearing damage to his fertility...
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he froze a specimen ofhis reproductive material...
14:34 - 14:36
in case he ever wanted another child.
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Soon, news came out that the drug...
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although somewhat successful...
14:42 - 14:44
wreaked havoc on the central nervous system.
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So what do you need me for? He's not taking the monkey drug anymore.
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- And you're the one who's got him. Not me. - Oh, you know why.
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He won't touch me. He said he doesn't cheat on his wife anymore.
14:58 - 15:01
- He said that? - Drinking contest!
15:01 - 15:03
- He said that? - Drinking contest!
15:03 - 15:05
Tell you what. I'll drink you for it.
15:05 - 15:08
Oh, I heard you don't handle your booze so well anymore.
15:08 - 15:11
So this should be easy for you.
15:11 - 15:13
That one didn't count.
15:16 - 15:19
And Michael met up with Gob to try and find their father.
15:19 - 15:23
I got it. From the banana stand freezer.
15:23 - 15:25
The exact same kind of cooler that's in the photo with Dad.
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- What do we need another cooler for? - Ah, poor Michael.
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You do not think like a magician.
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- Such a "How'd he do dat?" - Uh-huh.
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It's a classic bait and switch. This is a decoy cooler.
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We take it in, switch it with the one from the photo and get out of there.
15:38 - 15:41
Kitty comes back. Everything's normal. It's like we were never there.
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- But Dad's gone. - Long gone. But it buys us all the time in the world.
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I got it back, Mikey. The self-confidence. I am a magician!
15:48 - 15:51
I'm saying, when Kitty comes back, notices Dad's gone...
15:51 - 15:53
first thing she's gonna do is check the cooler, see if the evidence is still there.
15:54 - 15:56
Buys us, like, one second.
15:57 - 15:58
- I am a worthless magician. - Not true.
15:59 - 16:00
- I can't even do one simple trick. - Come on.
16:01 - 16:02
- I'm covered in sweat. Look at me! - It's a great trick.
16:02 - 16:05
- Would've been flawless if you had a decoy Dad too. - Damn it.
16:05 - 16:08
And I used a guy that looked just like him in my last bait and switch.
16:08 - 16:12
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
16:12 - 16:16
- Well, I'm no longer needed here. - No, no, no.
16:17 - 16:19
I think the cooler's actually gonna help us.
16:19 - 16:21
The extra second that it buys us could be the difference.
16:21 - 16:23
Great. Just give me a couple of minutes to catch my breath.
16:23 - 16:26
Lucille, minutes out of rehab...
16:32 - 16:35
was engaging in a drinking contest...
16:35 - 16:38
at the behest ofher son.
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. Let me know when you're ready, dear. - She's mixing!
16:40 - 16:43
While right outside the bar-
16:43 - 16:44
I know what the shape of a banana reminds you of...
16:45 - 16:47
and I know that when I say "nuts," it makes you giggle.
16:47 - 16:49
But do you have any other response...
16:49 - 16:52
to "here's a banana with nuts"?
16:52 - 16:55
Why are we even going after this idiot demographic?
16:58 - 17:01
Don't you get it? They're not even eating these. They just like saying bananas and nuts.
17:01 - 17:04
And I won't- I won't tell you why. That's your father's job.
17:04 - 17:07
Come on! Let's see some bananas and nuts!
17:07 - 17:10
Oh, perhaps we should just pull their pants off.
17:10 - 17:13
Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing? This is where we shoot.
17:13 - 17:16
Yeah, well, you've got competition now, 'cause we're making our own video.
17:16 - 17:18
Will you just get over it! It's nudity.
17:19 - 17:21
Just because you're ashamed of your body doesn't mean everybody should be.
17:21 - 17:24
Oh, really? Well, let's see how you feel about what you're packing.
17:24 - 17:28
You're a- never-nude?
17:28 - 17:31
You're asking girls to take their tops off, and you can't even be naked?
17:31 - 17:35
- I've gotta get this. - Lindsay, I've already got it.
17:35 - 17:40
I'm back into cutoffs. Lindsay?
17:41 - 17:44
I didn't see you at the convention.
17:44 - 17:46
- No, I was in Germany. I teleconferenced in. - Ohhh.
17:46 - 17:49
- Did you go to the seminar on chafing? - Dr. Schoenweiss. Yes.
17:49 - 17:51
This is never gonna work. There's too many people, too many rooms.
17:52 - 17:54
Michael, we can't give up. This is important.
17:55 - 17:57
Believe me. I'd rather be down at the beach having drinks, howling at chicks.
17:57 - 18:01
Dad?
18:02 - 18:04
Oh, my boys. Yes, you- you came for me.
18:06 - 18:09
Yeah, hi, Dad. Uh, Gob's gonna get you out of those handcuffs. Can you do it?
18:09 - 18:13
- One handcuff key coming up. - Great.
18:13 - 18:16
What the hell are you doing?
18:19 - 18:21
Swallowed a key just in case I ended up doing a show.
18:21 - 18:23
Come on. This is disgusting.
18:24 - 18:26
- I'm doing this for you. - This continued for some time...
18:26 - 18:29
while Michael switched out the coolers.
18:29 - 18:31
- Why are you switching out the coolers? - It buys us time, Dad.
18:32 - 18:34
- What? Like a second? - Don't worry about it, okay?
18:34 - 18:36
When I get this evidence out of here, I'm turning it right into the court.
18:36 - 18:39
Are you kidding? I don't care if the evidence gets out there. It gets me off the hook.
18:39 - 18:42
- What are you saying? This exonerates you? - I told you before.
18:43 - 18:45
I was a patsy. I was set up. I am tired of looking guilty.
18:45 - 18:50
Well, that's- that's great.
18:50 - 18:53
Now who's a horrible magician?
18:56 - 18:57
That is a crown, you horse's ass.
18:58 - 19:01
- How does that make you feel? - Awesome.
19:02 - 19:04
And George Michael caught up with Maeby, determined to save her self-esteem.
19:04 - 19:09
Look, I don't want to ruin your fun, but I hate to see guys treat you like this.
19:09 - 19:12
You're better than that. To me, anyway. You're-
19:12 - 19:15
- Awesome? - No, I was gonna say you're-
19:15 - 19:17
you're like this flower, and I know it's springtime...
19:17 - 19:20
but I just- I'd hate to see you get plucked...
19:20 - 19:23
by someone who doesn't even care that you're blossoming.
19:23 - 19:26
That's what I've been waiting to hear.
19:26 - 19:29
Maeby was referring to the dialogue...
19:30 - 19:32
but George Michael had just rediscovered his feelings for his cousin.
19:33 - 19:37
Hi, Ann. It's-It's George Michael Bluth.
19:37 - 19:39
Um, when you get back into town, we should talk.
19:39 - 19:42
Can I get you anything else, ma'am?
19:46 - 19:48
No, thanks. I have to get back to rehab.
19:48 - 19:51
She's in rehab!
19:51 - 19:54
And so George Sr. Was free...
19:54 - 19:58
and Michael and Gob absconded with the evidence.
19:58 - 20:00
One heck of a trick you ended up pullin' in there, Gob.
20:00 - 20:03
Truthfully, that wasn't part of the act.
20:03 - 20:05
I was actually trying to get the key to come out of my mouth.
20:05 - 20:08
That part was very surprising, but I'm talking about how you helped me get Dad out of there.
20:08 - 20:12
Thanks to you, this family could end up being okay.
20:13 - 20:15
And Gob had finally overcome his own low self-esteem.
20:15 - 20:19
Hey, aren't you that magician who always embarrasses himself?
20:19 - 20:23
Not anymore. Not anymore.
20:23 - 20:26
- Gob! - But he lost it...
20:29 - 20:32
along with the exonerating evidence.
20:32 - 20:34
They're laughing, Michael. They're laughing.
20:34 - 20:38
And that's how you narrate a story.
20:39 - 20:42
On the next Arrested Development.
20:42 - 20:45
Lucille gets some disturbing information.
20:45 - 20:47
- Did you get the evidence? - Yes, and then Gob ruined it.
20:47 - 20:51
After all the trouble we went through to switch coolers with the one from the banana stand.
20:51 - 20:55
The one in the freezer? I was storing very important things there.
20:55 - 20:58
And Kitty finds what she's been looking for.
20:59 - 21:03
There was 250 c.c.'s of your father in that banana stand!
21:08 - 21:13
No touching.
21:14 - 21:16