Episode 2x16 - "Meat the Veals"
Director: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:01 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
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but to keep them all together.
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Michael came home to find his brother-in-law Tobias...
00:19 - 00:22
- who'd been kicked out of the house earlier that week. - How are you?
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Good.
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- Didn't I already see you today? - Not that I know of.
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Michael had seen him earlier that day...
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as Tobias had been posing as an English nanny named Mrs. Featherbottom.
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Who'd like a banger in the mouth?
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Oh, right. I forgot. Here in the States you call it a sausage in the mouth.
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We just call it a sausage. - The family, of course, knew it was Tobias...
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but the house had never been cleaner.
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Hello, young lady. I haven't seen you in a week.
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Oh. Right. That means Mrs. Featherbottom isn't here.
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Which means she didn't iron my blouse...
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which means I don't have anything to wear for my premiere.
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The premier- of Canada.
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He's going out with my gym teacher.
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Maeby was actually referring to the premiere of a film...
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from the studio where she had conned her way into a job.
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Hey, Jeff. Did you get a chance to do coverage on...
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History In Prespective?
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Yeah. I looked that up. It's a ninth grade history textbook.
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Yeah. And if I don't get your report on it, I won't be able to pass.
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On it. Because I have a feeling it's a piece of-
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Unfortunately, thejob was wreaking havoc with her language.
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Maybe we just need a new- housekeeper.
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Okay. I'm sure she would have ironed it for you...
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had you told her about it before she changed out of her bloody work clothes.
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But I am off then.
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I gotta keep him trying. That is the job.
01:48 - 01:51
Michael, what are you doing tomorrow?
01:53 - 01:55
Having my day ruined with whatever you're about to ask me to do.
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It's my wedding anniversary, and Oscar wants to throw me a party.
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He is aware that he's not married to you, right?
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In fact, Oscar had started to perceive that Lucille was pulling away from him.
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Not now. It's my time of the month.
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Not now. I don't want to risk having a baby. It could kill me.
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- So he went to Buster for advice. - I think she misses my brother.
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- My father? - Yes? I mean, yes.
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- Maybe I should throw her an anniversary party. - Oh.
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So when he doesn't show, she'll realize that you were the one who was always there for us.
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Well, I was thinking one more party, and then I'd move out.
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But no. I like your plan better.
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The only problem is we know he's- he's around somewhere.
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Well, he didn't return when I lost my hand.
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But you- you not only embrace it...
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but I saw you kissing it while you thought I was sleeping.
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Who knows what goes on in that pot-addled mind ofhis.
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Anyway, it's a party, and I want the whole family there.
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- We're havin' a party? - No.
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Well, I'm sorry if I don't want you doing one of your stupid puppet shows.
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I did that once, Mom. And a lot of people thought it was pretty cool.
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In an effort to hip up his act...
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Gob had briefly introduced a puppet.
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- Can I tell you somethin', my man? - Sure, Franklin.
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You are one cool-
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Speakin' of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar.
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- Get off my wife, you bastard! - Oh, man. What's the matter with you?
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Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear.
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Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
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He also said some things that African-Americany wasn't ready to hear either.
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You know, Mom, we have no idea where Dad is.
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How's he gonna hear about the party?
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Why do you have the baby monitor out?
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- I'm, uh, listening in- - She wants her man back.
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- On my son. - Yo, man. You're gonna get your sorry white ass thrown in jail.
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I said that's enough.
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Michael came up with an excuse he knew his mother would understand.
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I'm listening in on my son.
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I'm a little worried about his girlfriend, Ann.
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My advice, get one of those teddy bears with the cameras in them.
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I had one in Buster's room to make sure he wasn't getting too serious with anyone.
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As it turned out, he got too serious with the teddy bear.
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I'll see you at the anniversary party.
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- Gangy's having an anniversary party? - Seems that way.
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- Is Franklin gonna be there? - See that, Mike? Kids love Franklin.
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I just don't want him to point out my cracker ass in front of Ann.
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Imagine what he'd say about her.
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So you were listening in on George Michael.
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Can you believe what he asked me this morning?
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Do you think my mom's engagement ring is still around?
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Of course it is. Your father would never part with something so precious.
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In fact, Lindsay was currently wearing it on her middle toe, roast beef.
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I'm thinking of asking Ann to get pre-engaged.
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- You are? - Yeah. I feel like God moved her here from Ohio to be with me.
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- Her? - Well, that's the first I've heard of this.
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- Well, then who said "Her?" - Me. That was-That was me.
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But, um, her?
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Look, it's just a pre-engagement. It's exciting.
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You know, it's young love.
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I had it once. A man I loved-
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- Here's young Maeby's blouse. - And then things took a turn somehow.
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Master Bluth. I haven't seen you in a week's time.
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Actually, you tried to put a banger in my mouth this morning.
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Oh, was it this morn- Well, I'm sorry.
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- I'm just so exhausted. - So I'm just gonna talk to my son.
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I'm gonna tell him that I'm against this. I don't like her.
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You know, maybe if you stop judging her, he'd trust you.
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Look, if you say no, you're just gonna drive him right to her.
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Hey, Dad. Can you drive me to Ann's?
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N-N-N-
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- Y-Yes. - Great. I'll wait in the car.
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I don't think that worked.
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Meanwhile, Gob went to check on the one friend who didn't mind having him around.
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Get your loser hand out of my ass.
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- Hello, Son. - Oh, Dad. I thought- Dad?
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This is where you've been hi- Michael.
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I just came back because of your mother.
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She's with my brother on my anniversary.
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But I got an idea from George Michael.
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I need to recommit myself to your mother.
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- Her? - But you gotta get me into that party.
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Then you gotta take me to this church.
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I found this brochure that Ann left behind.
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That's gonna be tough. I'm not really all that invited.
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I got it all worked out, but I need a limousine.
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L- I can do this, Dad. I'm gonna make you proud.
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Never too late to start.
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And Michael drove to Ann's house, where he finally got to meet Ann's parents.
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This is my father, Pastor Terry Veal.
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- Hello. - Oh, Pastor. I didn't know. You didn't tell me.
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- I told you. - No, you didn't.
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People treat you so differently when they find out you're a man of God.
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- Oh, believe me, I know. - Oh, are you a churchgoing man?
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I am.
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Sometimes. Yes. I don't go religiously.
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I mean, I'm not a nut about it.
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Because there is no such thing as a nut when it comes to religion, Pastor.
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I've met a few.
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I'm sure if you look a bit closer you'll find some very earnest people...
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that are just doing their best.
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- What are you doin', Dad? - I'm not sure.
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Why don't you kids run along and let us get to know each other a bit better? Thank you.
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- Maybe I should get my wife. Honey. - Okay.
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This is George Michael's father.
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This is your wife. Didn't- Didn't realize you could remarry.
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- What? - Is this Ann's mother?
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- I'm Mrs. Veal. - I'm sorry. I just-
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I did not expect somebody so young.
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Next you're gonna say how Ann and I can be sisters.
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No, I'd never say that.
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Listen, I'm here because...
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I think my son might be planning on asking your daughter to get pre-engaged.
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- Oh, my gosh. - Oh, my gosh.
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Well, that is something to celebrate.
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Can we open up some sparkling apple cider?
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- No. - Oh, did you want us to go down to the liquor store...
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and get you some liquor?
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No. Don't you think they're a bit too young?
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Oh, we got serious around his age.
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Who can blame you? You gotta lock that down.
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But I'm not quite sure that they're ready.
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Michael, in my experience, there is no recipe for a perfect match.
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It takes the love of two families.
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Well, you haven't met my family.
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And that's when Michael devised a new plan to win the Veals'disapproval.
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You haven't met my family.
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You should meet my family.
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We're gonna be having an anniversary party.
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What a wonderful surprise.
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We would love to witness a celebration of their love.
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That would be a wonderful surprise.
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But he did want a little bit of insurance.
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Hey, Gob. Mom wants Franklin at the party.
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Yeah. What?
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No, no, no. I don't want to talk- Hey, Franklin.
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Lucille was setting up for the anniversary party...
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that she didn't expect her husband to attend.
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- Where's the food? - Sorry. Just stuffing the mushroom.
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You realize that's Tobias, don't you?
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If he's gonna raid my closet, he's gonna work for it.
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- What happened to his ankle? - Tobias had attempted an entrance...
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that he hoped would enchant his daughter.
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Ohhhh!
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We shan't be telling your mother this, shan't we?
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Maybe you can point out to your mother that your father hasn't arrived yet.
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Hmm. So, my father's not here.
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Maybe he is.
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Ann just called. They had a predawn mass, and then they're gonna go to mass, so-
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Well, Ann's got a great deal of mass.
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Anyway, I hope that the Veals like us.
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Why don't you go top off your Gangy? Thanks.
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Wait a minute. You invited the Veals?
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Only so that they'll disapprove of us.
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I gotta kill this pre-engagement somehow.
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And after Mom's second vodka, and after Buster's second juice box...
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they're gonna forbid Ann from even seeing my son...
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much less taking his ring, and I'm still the good guy.
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So the devout religious family- they're the bad guys?
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You'll understand when Maeby starts getting proposals.
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Actually, Maeby had given two that day.
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I'm sorry. I can't read what you wrote on this buck slip.
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You've got the handwriting of a 15-year-old.
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Fifteen-year-old. Marry me!
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Hey, I'm almost done with that coverage. I can bring it to you tonight.
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Are you still at the Balboa Towers?
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Maeby had used her grandmother's address...
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so as not to arouse suspicion at home.
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This required convincing the guard she was several years younger than her age.
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Boy, you get a lot of mail from that movie studio.
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I write a lot of letters to movie stars.
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- You seem a little old for that. - Babysit me.
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That place seems so old for you.
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I'll send Dr. Epstein your compliments.
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- And may I add, marry me. - Okay.
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And Maeby realized she might be in need of a new deflection.
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Hi, Mrs. Veal. Welcome.
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Mom, this is Ann's mother.
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Are you sure this isn't her sister?
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- What a lovely thing to say. - That's an awful thing to say, Mom. Please.
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I'm so eager to meet your husband.
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Yeah. Dad escaped from prison. Did you not know that?
11:06 - 11:10
In fact, George Sr. Had just been picked up by his son.
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Oh, great. It's stuck. All right. Just stay down and let me handle this.
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Is that Mr. Bluth there?
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He's got us, Dad. Come on out.
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He's talking to you, you idiot. Cover.
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I ain't your daddy!
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How's it goin', brother?
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You want to pop the trunk and roll the windows down, please?
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I'm just messin' with you. Hey, Franklin. How you doin', little man?
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So I'm afraid Ann's with my husband.
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He had a last-minute vow renewal at the chapel.
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A call that was made by George Sr.
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How do we get her to the church? Tell her you're in here?
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No. Cover her eyes and take her to the limo.
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No. Bring her in here, knock her out with this ether, and you stuff her into this garment bag.
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Anyone sees, you do the same. Oh, hi, Tobias.
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Oh.
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Whenever I get a wee bit scared I hum a little tune
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Hum diddle diddly Hum di-do
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You put a handkerchief over her mouth for a couple of seconds.
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No more than two though. 'Cause you could kill her.
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- I don't have a handkerchief. - Fine.
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Put the ether on the puppet's lips. Have the puppet kiss her.
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I ain't kissin' that old bitch.
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That's my wife, you bastard!
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Dad, that's my wrist!
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Hey, man! That's his neck!
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Hey, Gob. Mrs. Veal, this is my brother Gob.
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- Where's your pal Franklin? - Throat's a little sore.
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And wrist. Nice to meet you.
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What a lovely family.
12:42 - 12:44
Does it seem that way? Where's Buster?
12:44 - 12:46
Should help.
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It's really great you did this. I thought you didn't even like Ann.
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But since you do, I thought maybe I could get your opinion.
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I was thinking of giving her, like, a pre-engagement-
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- Ring? - Ah.
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Wow. That catches me off guard, George Michael. I'm not sure about that.
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I don't know if it's-
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I think it's gonna backfire on you.
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I think it could backfire on you because it's gonna seem...
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like you're taking marriage, uh, lightly, you know.
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And you can't. It's very sacred.
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- Sacred. - Yeah. That's it.
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All right. Well, yeah.
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You know, it did kind of feel right to me.
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- But, yeah. I've gotta trust you, right? - Thank you. Thank you.
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Damn. Maybe I should-
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Maybe I should ask if she wants to get pre-pre-engaged. Add another-
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The mere fact that you're laughing about marriage...
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- means that you're not ready, okay? - Wha-
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And Lucille was asked to the kitchen.
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What's so important that you're dragging me away from this miserable party?
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Well, I just had an old friend who wanted to tell you...
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how much I miss you!
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Oh, who let this little black-
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Hey, Brother.
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- Who you callin' brother, you hook-ass- - Mother!
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What the hell kind of puppet does Buster have on his hand?
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Just let me think.
14:04 - 14:06
God, Franklin. Your breath- Oh, God.
14:06 - 14:08
So I'm really getting excited about your proposal.
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Oh, yeah. I'm not gonna do it now.
14:10 - 14:12
Because Ann's mom doesn't approve of our family? Come on.
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It's just some stupid plan your father was trying.
14:15 - 14:17
Plan?
14:17 - 14:19
What plan?
14:20 - 14:21
Well, it's off. Sorry.
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I know that you were excited about it.
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But, uh, you know, in the secular world...
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I feel like they're a bit young.
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You know, l- I didn't want to say anything in front ofTerry, but I agree.
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I mean, perhaps there's someone else they're meant to meet.
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Well, let's- let's just say that in the secular world...
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one finds oneself with their fair share of temptations.
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Not that anyone would ever act-
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Take me.
14:46 - 14:48
- Mrs. Veal. - Take me to your secular world.
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Hey. Hey, listen.
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I can't believe my dad. First he's saying I need to respect the sanctity of marriage...
14:52 - 14:55
then he's making out with her on the balcony.
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- I thought he didn't even like Ann. - No, no. Mrs. Veal.
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Know what else he's not gonna like? I'm getting pre-engaged.
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- God, that's so romantic. - The hell with him.
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Take it. Take the sacred ring.
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Not the snake. That doesn't come off.
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Michael had just been kissed by the mother of his son's girlfriend.
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- Oh, my golly! - Listen.
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- Don't do this. Don't do this. - I can't believe we're making love.
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- What are you talking about? We're not making love. - I want to please you secularly.
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- We're not gonna do this. - But you kept telling me how beautiful I was.
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I was surprised because of Ann.
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- Well- - Why because of Ann?
15:36 - 15:37
Because of an old wives' tale.
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- Oh, I'm so ashamed. - All right. No-
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Mrs. Veal.
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Jolly news, governor. Young master's proposing.
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George Michael? I told him not to. He said he wouldn't.
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Well, this was before he saw you pounding that sweet piece of veal.
15:52 - 15:56
- He saw that? Where is he? - Oh, he left with Lady Lindsay-
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- Tobias, where are they? - It is me. It's Tobias.
16:00 - 16:03
- What happened? - What's going on?
16:06 - 16:08
Gob made me kiss Franklin. I think my father was here.
16:08 - 16:10
Maybe he still is.
16:10 - 16:12
Shut up. What do you mean he was here?
16:12 - 16:14
I think he was dragging my mother out with Gob.
16:14 - 16:17
- Oh, you shut up. - What's goin' on?
16:17 - 16:19
We're tryin'to figure that out. Apparently Pop-Pop kidnapped Gangy...
16:19 - 16:22
and I have no idea where George Michael is- or Lindsay.
16:22 - 16:24
I just saw them drive off. They're gonna go look for Bland.
16:24 - 16:27
- Who's the hottie? - This is Ann's mother.
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Her?
16:30 - 16:31
Does she look old enough to play Topher Grace's mom?
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- Where did you say Ann was? - At the chapel.
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Yeah, we gotta get down there. My son's gonna pre-propose to your daughter.
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Fortunately, Tobias had rented a car to maintain his ruse.
16:40 - 16:44
I had this shipped over from "Blackstool."
16:44 - 16:46
It's what I used to drive the Roger Moores about in.
16:46 - 16:49
And Lucille awoke, half in the bag.
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What am I doing in a Nordstrom bag?
16:52 - 16:54
It's me. I'm taking you to renew our vows.
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- But first- - Uh, Dad-
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- we make love. - The partition doesn't go all the way up, remember?
17:00 - 17:03
No. No. After your vows.
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I want to know you won't run out on me again.
17:06 - 17:09
- I need to know you're in it for keeps. - Just let me see 'em.
17:09 - 17:13
- Seriously, Dad. The radio doesn't work either. - George!
17:13 - 17:17
Gob raced his parents to the church...
17:17 - 17:19
passing George Michael and Lindsay...
17:19 - 17:21
who were soon followed by Mrs. Featherbottom.
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Oh, mercy me!
17:24 - 17:26
I keep forgetting I'm in the colonies.
17:26 - 17:29
Buster was talking to the police when Oscar found a clue.
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They must be going to this church.
17:32 - 17:34
He's going to renew his vows.
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He's my twin brother. I know how he thinks.
17:37 - 17:40
They're at the Church of the Good Shepherd.
17:41 - 17:43
And at the chapel, Pastor Veal was officiating.
17:43 - 17:46
"...to love and honor your spirit and flesh.
17:46 - 17:49
"First the flesh. I will caress and tweak.
17:49 - 17:51
"I will nibble and bite.
17:52 - 17:53
I will blow alternatingly hot and cool."
17:53 - 17:57
Oh, man. I can't wait to get married.
17:57 - 18:00
Ann went to cool down, where George Michael found her.
18:01 - 18:03
Ann, I have something to ask you.
18:03 - 18:05
Well, l- I really like you.
18:05 - 18:07
I guess what l- I want to ask you is, will you one day...
18:07 - 18:10
uh, intend to marry me?
18:11 - 18:12
It would be great to hear back on this before the real hard A.P. Stuff kicks in.
18:12 - 18:16
Let's do it. Now.
18:16 - 18:18
- Let's actually get married. - Right now?
18:18 - 18:21
My father's in there. He can do it as soon as he finishes.
18:21 - 18:23
"I'll always be here for you to rest your ankles upon my shoulders."
18:23 - 18:28
And Michael showed up at the chapel.
18:28 - 18:30
Uh, listen, buddy. Dad?
18:30 - 18:32
Uh, faster, Pastor.
18:32 - 18:34
Stop this! Stop this now!
18:34 - 18:38
Oscar charged at George Sr., finally willing to fight for Lucille.
18:38 - 18:41
But they did think alike...
18:41 - 18:44
and neither could land a blow.
18:44 - 18:47
Dad, do us. We're ready to get married.
18:49 - 18:51
George Michael, don't do this just to get back at me.
18:51 - 18:53
What you saw on the balcony- Uh, Mrs. Veal started kissing me.
18:53 - 18:57
This part of it was news to George Michael.
18:57 - 18:59
Unfortunately, it was also news to Pastor Veal.
18:59 - 19:02
- You kissed my wife? - No. She started kissing me.
19:02 - 19:05
You really should lock that down.
19:05 - 19:07
And Pastor Veal, too, was ready to fight for the woman he loved.
19:07 - 19:11
Ah. Finally. Where have you been?
19:15 - 19:17
The police had been delayed when they thought they'd cornered a kidnapping suspect.
19:17 - 19:20
Put your hands up, or we'll take that as a sign of aggression against us.
19:20 - 19:24
They're not up! He's aggressive!
19:24 - 19:26
- Got a little hot out there. - Well, it's getting pretty hot in here.
19:26 - 19:29
- She's mine! - No. She's mine.
19:29 - 19:33
Oscar, I don't want her. I don't want either of them.
19:33 - 19:35
Oh. Sorry. Where's my brother?
19:35 - 19:37
Look at all the bobbies.
19:37 - 19:40
Oh, no. My wig seems to have run off.
19:40 - 19:43
On George Sr., as it turned out.
19:43 - 19:45
- Who is this guy? - This guy is my husband.
19:47 - 19:51
Terry, I don't know what happened.
19:51 - 19:54
I fell under the spell of that horrible secular family.
19:54 - 19:58
Forgive me.
19:58 - 20:00
Could've used that horrible family stuff about a halfhour ago.
20:00 - 20:03
I hope you notice I didn't run.
20:03 - 20:06
- You fought for me. - What I meant to say is l- I think I broke my ankle.
20:06 - 20:10
Let's alternate hot and cool on that.
20:10 - 20:14
- Guess the wedding's off? - Yeah. That's okay, Dad.
20:16 - 20:19
We were talking, and we think that we were doin' it for the wrong reasons.
20:19 - 20:22
Yeah? You have so much to experience before you make a commitment you're not ready for.
20:22 - 20:26
You need to get to know each other better...
20:26 - 20:28
and then you can be comfortable going all the way with it.
20:28 - 20:31
- Do you mean it? - Yes. This time I'm being honest with you.
20:31 - 20:35
- Thanks, Dad. - Okay.
20:35 - 20:37
It sounds like your father just gave us permission to start doing it.
20:38 - 20:42
You must teach me, George Michael.
20:42 - 20:45
You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh.
20:45 - 20:48
On the next Arrested Development.
20:52 - 20:54
That doesn't bother you.
20:55 - 20:56
Buster finds someone else interested in kissing his hook.
20:57 - 21:00
- Oh, God! - Drug dog's got something. Get him, Bennett!
21:00 - 21:03
So Buster gets a hook replacement.
21:03 - 21:05
They're not gonna let you in at the country club with that.
21:05 - 21:08
I don't want no part of your tight-ass country club...
21:08 - 21:11
you freak bitch!
21:11 - 21:13