Episode 2x7 - "Switch Hitter"
Director: Paul Feig
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:02 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
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but to keep them all together.
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Michael Bluth had scheduled a meeting with Stan Sitwell...
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the Bluth Company's chief competitor.
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Why are we having this meeting at home?
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Let him see he's not the only one who builds solid houses, you know?
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I think he'll be pretty impressed, knock on wood.
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In fact, Michael was meeting at home at the behest ofhis fugitive father.
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...knock on wood.
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Don't you find the timing of this meeting a little suspicious?
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Right before we play his company in softball?
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No, no. Our business is in trouble, and I think he sees an opportunity.
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So, I figured the guy's a family man, why not invite him over...
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- let him see us in our element. - I hope you don't mean the whole family...
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- 'cause George Michael's off with Ann. - Ann?
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Hmm. That'll play well with Sitwell. "Where's your son?" "He's out with Ann."
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"Who's Ann?" "Don't ask me, I'm just the boy's father."
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Hey, screw Sitwell! He comes in here telling us...
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how to build our houses, how to raise our kids.
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We know what we're doing. We don't need any help from him.
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Damn it. This thing got pushed in again.
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- Gonna need a butter knife. - That's what I'm talking about.
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George Michael's got these powerful little fingers. He should be here.
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How do you think I feel? He said he would help me on this essay...
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- for The Old Man and the Sea. - I'll help you with that later.
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Oh, great. Okay. So you have to read this, and then explain it...
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and, this is important, say it in my own words, okay?
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Smart, but not too smart. Let's have a four-syllable max.
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Do you wanna say something or should I, Tobias?
01:43 - 01:46
No. I believe in letting children learn from their mistakes, Michael.
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They make a mistake once, they shan't make it twice.
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Oh, here I go!
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Don't worry. It has not fallen into the garage. Knock on wood.
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You gonna want to help me with that?
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No, I can't. I have an audition tomorrow.
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I'm up for a minor, but meaty, role in a feature film.
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- "Confidence Man Two." - Oh, yeah? I didn't see the first Confidence Man.
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No. Confidence Man Two is my character.
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I think I'll drive up today and plot my route to the studio.
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How 'bout I come with you? I could help you prepare.
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Yes, well, it's for a con man, which I don't think you know anything about.
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And besides, don't you have school?
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No. Um- Today is "Help Your Dad Follow His Dream" day.
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Great. We can take the carpool lane.
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- I need ice. - I'm glad Sitwell's coming over.
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Let him see that we're doing fine as a family.
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The only help we need is from each other.
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- And apparently whatever's in that bottle. - Thanks for reminding me.
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- My Teamocil. - Wait a minute. Teamocil?
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Isn't that that supplement that you and Tobias were hocking before the F.D.A. Shut you down?
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In the mid '90s, Tobias formed a folk band...
02:57 - 03:01
to promote a supplement that promised better unity and teamwork.
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- Teamocil - Teamocil may decrease your sex drive.
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- Teamocil - Good job, buddy. - Thanks, friend.
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Since I've been taking this again, I've been getting along great with my husband.
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You're taking it for the side effect, aren't you?
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- Michael. - Oh God.
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Mother, not a good time. I'm having a meeting here.
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- Look at what Buster sent from the army. - It's blacked out.
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Oh, the government. Keep reading.
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"Sergeant Blank is treating me very blank...
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"and it looks like I'll be shipping off to blank in about a blank.
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- I blank you, Mother. Buster." - I've done everything I can.
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I even tried to convince them he's gay, but no one would believe...
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that a woman like me would have a gay son.
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Well, you certainly tried. You guys wore matching outfits till he was 12.
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Even once on a magazine cover...
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that had been mocked within the family for years.
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Lucille, l-I'll say it again. You never know what's going to happen in the army.
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- Remember, Lucille? - No, I don't.
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- Get me a vodka, rocks. - Mom, it's breakfast.
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- And a piece of toast. - Please, Stan Sitwell's coming over.
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That hairless freak is coming here? None ofhis hair is real, you know.
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You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own hair? Come on!
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It's called alopecia, and I'd appreciate it if we could all be sensitive to it, okay?
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He happens to be a very modest and generous man. - Modest and generous?
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Then why is he always waving giant $10 million checks over his head...
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- every time some- - Go ahead, Mom. Finish your thought.
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"Every time some children's hospital needs funding"?
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Nonetheless, we could get a giant checkbook too.
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We're just not that starved for attention.
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And later, Sitwell laid out his plans.
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- Sorry that my son couldn't be here- - Let me guess. Girlfriend.
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You know, it could be worse. He could wanna marry your mother.
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Oh, I'm sorry. Is your family not laughing at that yet?
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Okay. Let me tell you what I'm offering.
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You got a wonderful piece of property here that's going nowhere.
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So what I propose is a co-venture with your Sudden Valley Development.
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The first thing you might wanna change though is the name.
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You know, Sudden Valley conjures up the image of a sinkhole, no?
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I told that to Dad. I told that to my dad.
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I'm thinking- Paradise Gardens.
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I swear to God, I have that written-
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I want you to see so you don't think- I have that written down in my notebook.
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When George Sr. Was in charge...
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he had a habit of shooting down any idea Michael came up with.
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And Sudden Valley just sort of implies that something awful could happen all of a sudden.
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- Plus, it's on a hill. - What are you taking, stupid pills? Come on.
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Save us some money.
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This was a management tool that he used to keep Michael...
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- working for his approval. - That was a hard one to say no to.
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The only thing I ask is out of the 450 homes we build...
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one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city.
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That's great. So the other 449 families live in fear?
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Is that what we're saying? I mean, come on! Where's your decen-
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What the hell just fell off your face?
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- One of this guy's eyebrows fell in the candy beans. - I always carry a spare.
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Well, I hope you also carry a spare bowl of candy beans.
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Gob! I'm very impressed with the offer.
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I'm gonna run it upstairs, see what kind of reaction it gets.
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- Hmm? - So to speak.
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- Michael hoped to impress his father. - I think it sounds pretty good.
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Pretty good? It was horrible. What are you taking, stupid pills again?
06:08 - 06:11
But their old dynamic returned when George Sr. Did.
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Gob was the only one down there who knew how to handle that hairless freak.
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- Thank God we have Gob on our team. - You know, Dad...
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Gob doesn't really do all that much for our team.
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In fact, I think it's time that I get put back in charge.
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Michael, listen to me. Lately, your ideas, they're horrible.
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And Sitwell's just trying to figure out our batting order...
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for the softball game on Saturday, I'm telling you.
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Gob said the same thing, Dad, but l-I doubt that this guy's...
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trying to drop $15 million to find out our batting order.
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Hey. This game goes way, way back.
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It was a fierce rivalry, with George Sr. Using...
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- everything at his disposal to win- - No hair. Hey, we got no hair.
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While Stan Sitwell used the game to raise funds for underprivileged children.
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- Oh, I think one of your orphans is heading towards the street. - Strike three.
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You go down there, and you tell him to go screw himself...
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and apologize to your brother.
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We need him on our side, and we need him happy.
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- Where's Sitwell? - Sorry. I told him to screw off.
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- But get this, he offered me a job. - What?
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Well, I'm not waiting on my brother. I pass.
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- You look surprised. - I'm sorry. I must've put it on too high.
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But you were right. It was a bad offer and you were smart enough not to take it.
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You got gumption. You speak your mind. That means you're good enough to work for me.
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you.
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And I accepted. He's waiting for me outside.
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We're gonna swing by his wigmaker. His "just woke up" hair is finally ready.
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You're really gonna do this?
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It's ready, Mike. They're only gonna hold it for 24 hours.
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Tobias and Maeby, meanwhile, had mapped the route to the audition.
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Well, here we are and home we go...
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with plenty of time to get you to English class.
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Wait. You can't do a U-turn on your dream.
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I say, we get you on the lot and get the Fünke name out there.
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- Start talking you up around the watercoolers. - Maeby, we'll never get on here.
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I mean, behind these walls are the biggest stars in the world.
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America's treasures.
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- Damn it! - Dad, you're auditioning for the part of a confidence man.
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Let's try a little confidence.
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You say confidence man? Hey, I'm up for that part too.
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- Oh. - Good luck to you.
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Good luck to you too.
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As Tobias was gaining self-confidence...
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- Michael was struggling to keep his. - Hi, Dad.
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- Wow, you're president again? - Yes, this is the way it should be.
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What do you think of when you hear the words, "Sudden Valley"?
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Salad dressing, I think. But for some reason, I don't wanna eat it.
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- Right. But "Paradise Gardens." - Yeah. Okay. I can see marinating a chicken in that.
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Um, I'm actually here about the softball game. We need some girls on the team, right?
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Yes, we do. That's a league requirement.
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One that was difficult to meet, given Gob's behavior...
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in the third inning oflast year's game.
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We could stay here, wait for another pop-up.
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- And in the fifth inning. - Come on! Yeah, here we go!
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Oh, and before the game.
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We lost our entire outfield and a couple of court cases.
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Well, you know who would be great and not at all litigious is Ann.
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- Mmm, not Ann. - No?
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'Cause you know this-this game is kind of our thing.
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But Ann's amazing. You know, she could play my position.
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You should be playing the field... there, in right, you know?
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Plus, I got Aunt Lindsay playing this year. I can't very well pull her off the roster.
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Let's make Ann the backup, okay? Very good way to think about her... as a backup.
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- She's gonna be so excited. - Good.
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- Maybe-Maybe now I'll get a kiss. - Okay.
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Oh. I meant from Ann.
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Yes, I know. I just want to get in there first.
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Okay.
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Lindsay, wake up. I need you to play on the softball team this year.
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Lindsay felt the intended effect of Teamocil-
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- a sense of camaraderie. - Count me in, Michael. Happy to help the team.
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- Great news. I'm back. - You just left.
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Yeah, I don't think things are gonna work out with Sitwell.
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I mean, we picked up his sleepy-head wig, everything was cool.
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Next thing I know, he's asking me for a bunch of work ideas.
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So, I thought I'd just quit and go back to being president here.
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I need to do this job, okay? I need to prove that I can do this job.
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- To who? - To... you.
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Michael, I'm your big brother. I'll never be impressed with you.
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- Still. - Anyway, look. You can still do it.
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I just want the office and my stuffs and title.
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What about... if I help you with your work over at Sitwell?
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- You'd do that? - Sure.
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You really want me to succeed at Sitwell.
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Well, I just- Hey. Come on. I really want you to be over at Sitwell.
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Lucille was worried that her son Buster was being sent into battle with the army.
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I feel that we've not brought something up that might be a solution...
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um, to spare my feelings.
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Send you in his place? I called. They don't want you back.
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Oscar had served in Vietnam as a croc spotter on a Swift boat.
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Croc! No, Sorry. Wait. Log.
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Just a log. No, wait. Sorry. Croc!
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It was there that he met a young U.S.O. Dancer named Lucille.
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I prefer an older man.
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- Hey, I'm free after the show. - I said older, Bob, not dead.
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I swore I'd never say his name again, but...
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it's time to call you-know-who.
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"You-know-who"was an army sergeant named Bill Anderson.
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He and Lucille were an item before she left him for Oscar.
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At the studio, Tobias began to create buzz around the watercooler.
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That Fünke is some kind of something.
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Boy, this Fünke is all anybody's ever talking about.
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So sick and tired of hearing about how brilliant that Fünke is.
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Overrated. I'll just move- I'm sorry.
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Okay. We're okay. Okay.
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Meanwhile, Maeby looked for an empty office to call George Michael.
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Where are you? I bought you a day. I can't put this book report off forever.
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Sorry, is this your office?
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No. I'm just sitting behind someone else's desk pretending these are my kids.
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Can you getJude Law in here for a meeting?
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- Oh, I'm just a reader. - A reader?
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- Yeah. - I need a report by tomorrow.
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Before gym-lunch... with Jim... Carrey.
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It's the Grinch guy. You're too young.
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So get this. Sitwell loved my ideas.
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Well, my ideas and I knew it. That's great.
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- You know, Dad never complimented any of those. - Here's the thing.
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- I need more. - There were 34 proposals in there.
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You'd be amazed how fast they come out when you read them all in a row.
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"Thirty-one, bamboo floor upgrades. Cheaper, stronger." I can't read this word.
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"Thirty-two, wireless 'crapability."' That one explains itself.
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- "Thirty-three"- - Gob, that was six-months' worth of work.
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- You can't just blurt them all out at once. - Mr. Bluth.
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- He's coming. I've got to go. - You blew them away.
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Bought you something. Maybe we can play catch sometime.
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Gob's own father had only once played catch with him.
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And it ended as badly as any game of catch could end.
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- White power! - Better yet, maybe we can play ball on Saturday.
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I'll meet you there. I've got a neck hair fitting at 11:00.
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Gob was both angry... and overwhelmed...
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by the approval from this new father figure.
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It was confusing.
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Michael was less torn and went to brag to his father.
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So, apparently my ideas aren't so bad, and that comes from Sitwell himself.
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- You let your ideas go to Sitwell? - Uh, no. I gave them to Gob...
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who, uh, works there now.
13:56 - 14:00
You let Gob go to Sitwell?
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- What'd I tell you? I told you- - "Don't let him go." I know.
14:02 - 14:04
- But my point is that I do all the work, Pop. - He makes all the plays.
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Don't you understand? He was the best softball player in the league.
14:07 - 14:09
Gob was especially gifted at sacrificing his body for the play.
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- Play's at second. Play's at second. - Yeah! Suck on that, Sitwell.
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Although at times, even that wasn't enough.
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Your Tweety Bird dance just cost us a run, you moron.
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Why do you think Sitwell hired him?
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You can't do this. You're gonna lose the game, the company, and you can't do this.
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What are you saying? If I win the game, you're comfortable with me running the company?
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- That's what I'm saying. - I'll win the game.
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And I'll show him that his little plan didn't work, all right?
14:35 - 14:38
- We can build houses. We can win games. - That is what I wanna hear.
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We can win games.
14:42 - 14:46
Lindsay, did that oven vent hit you? Your foot is bleeding.
14:48 - 14:51
My foot is bleeding. - Teamocil may cause numbness of the extremities.
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You're gonna be able to play on our team, right?
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- Why do you think I'm taking Teamocil? - To curb your sex drive.
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That's right. What team are you talking about?
15:01 - 15:03
It may also cause short-term memory loss.
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Okay. Looks like I'm gonna need that female backup player after all.
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- And Ann's really good at softball, huh? - Yeah. She's amazing.
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You know, she's got this low center of gravity. You can't knock her over.
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- Well, I could knock her over. - Dad, I'm telling you, you can't.
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They call her "The Wall," you know?
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Well, that's great. But I could knock her over. I won't, but I could.
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- And Lucille called on an old lover. - William?
15:24 - 15:27
- Yes, ma'am? - You don't remember me?
15:27 - 15:30
General Anderson had done three tours of duty in Vietnam...
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- but the only memory he'd blocked was being left by Lucille. - Oh, God. That touch.
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- Oh, how could I forget? Pat? - Lucille.
15:39 - 15:43
I could never forget that touch.
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Bill, they're shipping my son Buster off. I can't have that happen.
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- I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. - Is there anything I can do?
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Maybe if you... go downtown.
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Oh, I haven't done that in 30 years.
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You make me want to puke, Bluth!
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And so, Buster was pulled out of combat training-
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- Put 'em down and halt! - and put into U.S.O. Training.
16:21 - 16:25
- It jolts, but it's not really doing it right now. - And back at Gob's new office.
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- Michael. - Do you still need those ideas?
16:33 - 16:34
Come on. Are you kidding me? I can't let Sitwell down.
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- L-I'm desperate here. - Then I'll make you a deal.
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- I want you to throw the softball game. - Never!
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- He gave me this. - Course he did. Why do you think he hired you?
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He liked my ideas.
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They were my ideas, and, no, he didn't.
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He wants you for the softball game because he's trying to make our family look foolish.
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I knew you had bad ideas. All right, we'll play him.
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I'll throw that softball game.
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Nobody makes a fool of our family without my help.
17:05 - 17:08
Tobias had talked up the name Fünke, and it was time to audition.
17:13 - 17:17
- What's your name? - Tobias.
17:17 - 17:20
He's too short. Give it to the guard.
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Oh. L- I'm not. L- On camera, I seem much taller.
17:22 - 17:28
And Maeby picked up the reader's report, which had now become her book report.
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- Whatcha got there? - I can't really discuss it.
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If you wanna get it made, I'm the guy who has to see it.
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You're the Fünke everyone's talking about? What are you, like, 15?
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- Marry me. - Everyone thinks I look young too.
17:40 - 17:44
- So who are you thinking about? - Jude Law. Why do you ask?
17:44 - 17:47
Yeah. Go young. Young Guy and the Sea. Big spring-breaker.
17:47 - 17:50
Four C.G.I. The fish. Let's fast-track this one.
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And that's when Maeby realized she had become a successful film executive.
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- It's all waxed up. - All waxed up? What do you mean?
17:57 - 17:59
- I need something. Ajob for my dad. - Yeah, yeah. Sure. Okay.
17:59 - 18:02
Listen to me. Brand new cars don't get waxed!
18:02 - 18:05
That afternoon it was game time...
18:05 - 18:08
and Michael felt confident about a Bluth win.
18:08 - 18:10
Spin, spin, spin.
18:13 - 18:15
Ann wasn't as amazing as George Michael led his father to believe.
18:15 - 18:20
But Gob was playing worse than ever...
18:21 - 18:23
as per his agreement with Michael.
18:23 - 18:26
Your guy can't hit, Sitwell. He's never gonna touch it.
18:34 - 18:37
- Time out. - Time out.
18:37 - 18:39
Gob, are you okay?
18:39 - 18:41
Yeah, just can't hit today. Guess you're really disappointed in me.
18:42 - 18:44
Hey. Everybody has days like this. It's only a game.
18:45 - 18:48
After that list of ideas you gave me, I don't care if you blow the whole season.
18:48 - 18:51
Come here, you.
18:51 - 18:54
Okay. We're good.
18:55 - 18:57
And Gob finally felt that someone believed in him.
18:57 - 19:01
Even though they weren't his ideas.
19:01 - 19:05
And he decided to make Sitwell proud.
19:05 - 19:07
Get on that ball!
19:11 - 19:13
You go!
19:15 - 19:18
You better pull an ankle or something.
19:18 - 19:20
Come on, George Michael! Get that ball in there!
19:20 - 19:22
Then he went headfirst into The Wall.
19:22 - 19:24
- I'm safe. - You're out!
19:24 - 19:26
Out? I was safe! I'm safe!
19:26 - 19:29
- Stop with the Tweety Bird dance, you moron. - Dad?
19:29 - 19:32
He made the call. You're out. What are you doing?
19:32 - 19:35
- Shush, shush, shush. - Dad?
19:35 - 19:37
- He's safe. - What the hell are you doing here?
19:37 - 19:39
I'm taking care of what you screwed up. You blew it again, Michael.
19:39 - 19:42
Let me tell you something. I blew it when I let you start controlling me again.
19:43 - 19:47
I even stooped to cheat here at a softball game.
19:47 - 19:49
You've been talking to each other. How come nobody called me?
19:49 - 19:51
- What's going on there? - I'm just fixing something that's been bugging me.
19:52 - 19:55
He was safe.
19:55 - 19:58
He was. We lost. Get over it.
19:58 - 20:01
Yeah, and Stan Sitwell liked my ideas. He really believed in me.
20:01 - 20:05
- My ideas. - Well.
20:05 - 20:07
And I'm president, whether you like it or not, Dad.
20:07 - 20:10
I don't need your approval anymore.
20:10 - 20:12
- I'm proud of you. - Really?
20:14 - 20:17
Yeah. See ya.
20:17 - 20:19
Michael, I could've sworn I just saw Dad.
20:22 - 20:25
Or not. I think hallucination is one of the side-effects ofTeamocil.
20:25 - 20:28
It isn't.
20:28 - 20:30
- Thanks for making the right call there, Mike. - Yeah.
20:30 - 20:33
- Sorry I didn't blow the game. - No. You did the right thing...
20:33 - 20:36
and you finally got Dad to one of your ball games.
20:36 - 20:39
- Screw him. - Yeah.
20:39 - 20:41
I miss him so much.
20:41 - 20:45
On the next Arrested Development.
20:45 - 20:48
- Maeby gets her father a job. - I gotta fire one of ya.
20:48 - 20:51
Andy Richter! Here are those head shots I was telling you about.
20:51 - 20:54
- Yeah. I gotta go. - It's Tobias Fünke. I told you about the head shots?
20:54 - 20:58
And Buster visits the general.
20:58 - 21:00
I just wanted to thank you for my new job.
21:00 - 21:03
- What's wrong? - I'm shipping out tomorrow.
21:03 - 21:06
- I've got just the thing. - Oh. I haven't felt hands like that in years.
21:07 - 21:12
You are coming to the front.
21:12 - 21:15