Episode 2x2 - "The One Where They Build a House"
Director: Patty Jenkins
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:01 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
00:04 - 00:06
but to keep them all together.
00:06 - 00:08
Michael Bluth was at home working on a plan to save the company.
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How's this for a business model? We make the company look like it's in the black...
00:22 - 00:26
by starting construction on the phase two development.
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I know what you're thinking, we're not in the black.
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How're we gonna build 30 houses without any money? We don't. We build one-
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then we have a huge ribbon-cutting ceremony while raising funds for the others.
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Michael's father always unveiled his construction projects...
00:37 - 00:41
with a highly publicized ribbon-cutting ceremony.
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He even did so for the prison he built...
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and, somewhat ironically, would later occupy.
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The only difference is this time I get to cut the ribbon. What do you think?
00:49 - 00:53
There's a cream with real diamonds in it.
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I can actually smear diamonds on my face, and it's only $400 a tub.
00:55 - 00:59
That's like, what, like a million diamonds for $400?
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- Mm. - A million- diamonds.
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- Okay. - Is she on you about that diamond cream?
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My husband's jealous because since we decided to have an open marriage...
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I've been doing a little better than he has.
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It is not a competition, Lindsay.
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We are doing this to save our marriage.
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But I should be telling you that I have been meeting my fair share of groupies.
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Or should I say "Bluepies"?
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Tobias had recently auditioned as an understudy...
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for the silent performance art trio, the Blue Man Group.
01:27 - 01:30
He had yet to hear back from them.
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You guys really think you have the guts to go through with this "seeing other people" thing?
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In fact, neither Lindsay nor Tobias did have the guts to go through with it.
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- I already have. - I have too.
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Can I buy you a drink?
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No. - Lindsay, because she'd lost her self-confidence.
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I'd like to buy you a drink. Where's she going?
01:54 - 01:57
Who are you gonna bring to this ribbon-cutting dance?
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It's not a dance, and you don't need a date. Although, George Michael...
02:03 - 02:07
I'd love for you to come with me when I cut the ribbon at the new house.
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Oh, wow. Hey, can I bring Ann?
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Who?
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Ann. You know, she's- she's the girl I'm kinda hanging out with.
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- I haven't met Ann. - Yes, you have.
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- Michael had met Ann. - You let her in.
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See, that's her right over there.
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- Oh, Ann. Yes, yes, yes, yes. - Yeah.
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I know Ann. Hey, you! She's got a little hard-boiled egg going there.
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Oh, it's so cute. She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise...
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and she'll squirt it in her mouth, and then she'll take an egg...
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and kind of- mmm.
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She calls it a mayonn-egg.
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- Are you okay? - I don't feel so good.
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You know, I kind of wanna buy her a diamond.
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- Her? - Ann.
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I know I can't afford it, but Aunt Lindsay was telling me about this diamond cream.
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George Michael, um, I'm sure that Egg is a very nice person. I just don't want you spending-
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- It's Ann. Her na- - all your money getting her all glittered up for Easter.
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You know? More importantly, I want us to do this together.
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Kinda like a father-son sort of thing, you know?
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And since Pop-Pop is no longer president, we get to do it.
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- I thought Gob was president. - Yeah, and I don't have any problem with that.
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In fact, since Michael's father escaped from prison...
03:14 - 03:17
his brother Gob had been made president, albeit in name only.
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Which is why Michael was surprised when he got to work the next day.
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- You're still in my office. - Gosh, Michael, I am kind of the president.
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And I have no problem with that. But it is just a title, remember?
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Just doing this to appease the stockholders, while they scrutinize me for Dad's crimes.
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Hey, Dad may have illegally built some homes in Iraq, which is kinda not cool.
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I know, but that's why I've got a business model...
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that I think is going to restore the image of our company.
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We're going to build a second model home.
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That's great. Can I announce it to the board?
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Gee, it is my business model.
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If you had a business model, then by all means, go in there and do your little dance.
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Tell you what we're gonna do. Rock, paper, scissors for it.
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- No, no, I'm not interested in doing- - One, two, three.
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- Paper covers rock. - It is a rock though. It should beat everything.
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There's not a lot of logic to it. It's like on a boat with "Women and children first."
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Why should they-which, before I forget, I'm buying a company boat.
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Sorry?
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That morning, Gob had gone to a boat show, where he saw something he wanted.
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- Hello. - Hi.
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- What a beauty. - Thank you.
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- I meant you. - Well.
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Gob flirted with her for a while, and finally asked for her number.
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- Let's get some digits. - I'm sorry. I don't give it out without a firm offer.
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Oh, I'll make you a firm offer.
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Unfortunately, she wasn't flirting.
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And here again, please.
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- The Seaward. - You're not getting a boat.
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- One, two, three. - No, not gonna do it.
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- Paper covers rock. - Fine. But rock sinks boat.
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- Michael? - Mom, I'm right in the middle of something.
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- Get rid of the Seaward. - I'll leave when I'm good and ready.
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It's about your Uncle Oscar. I want him to move in with you.
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You're not kicking him out already, are you?
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Michael's uncle had recently moved into Lucille's apartment...
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- and he didn't. - That's what makes it so hot.
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Mother?
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Mother!
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- I heard zoo noises. - It's nothing. Go back to bed.
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So, everybody's still up, huh?
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It's not fair to Buster. He's a nervous wreck right now.
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He's going into the army, for God's sake.
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You volunteered him.
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I knew you were going to throw that in my face.
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Don't worry about it, okay? They're never gonna take him anyway.
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At that moment, Buster was taking his physical at the recruitment center.
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I don't have a hole in my heart. I've never opened my eyes underwater.
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My- Reproductive organ...
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is shaped like- a lobster tail...
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but without its shell, hmm?
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Oh, I guess I have the panic attacks under control.
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Oh, and I'm legally blind at night.
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But Buster had miscalculated the army's current need for personnel.
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Okay, then, let's get you fitted for a uniform.
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What? What?
06:07 - 06:09
Hey, why don't you volunteer Oscar? That would solve both of your problems.
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He'd never cut his hair.
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That hair.
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Listen, Oscar's your problem. I'm taking care of everything else in this family...
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including starting construction on a second model home.
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We're having a ribbon-cutting ceremony.
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We can't have a ribbon-cutting without your father, and he's God knows where.
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George Sr. Was in Mexico...
06:29 - 06:31
with his escape accomplice and ex-secretary, Kitty.
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I keep eating so many eggs. It must be my unconscious desire to have a baby.
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Oh, my God. Can you even imagine how cute the combination of the two of us would be?
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I mean, we're all out of "prophylacticos" anyway.
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Somebody used the last two on his feet to walk across the bathroom floor.
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But he was growing tired of their confined intimacy.
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- I've made a huge mistake. - Hey, it's me.
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- Dad? - Yeah. Listen, I gotta make this quick.
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You're the only one who can save the family, but you gotta keep the company strong...
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because I'm gonna need some of that money later.
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I will, Dad. It's funny, after all these years of...
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- you making fun of me for the magic shows and- - Gob!
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Oh, for God's- I called to talk to Michael, you horse's-
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- Gob was hurt. - Bye, Pop.
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Hey, whoa, whoa, was that Dad?
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Yeah, I had to, uh, jump off.
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You just had Dad on the phone? Where was he?
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No way to tell, really. Portugal.
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- Down South America way. - Well, did he wanna talk to me?
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No, he wanted to talk to the president.
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- I have no problem with that. - Michael was also hurt.
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And George Sr. Was brutally hurt...
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when he was mistaken for his twin brother Oscar.
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Marijuana? No, no.
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That's my brother. "Brothero. Brothero."
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That night, Lindsay headed to the club...
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to try again to meet someone.
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Soon, having struck out again, she spotted a man who looked interesting.
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He had the lean look, effortless hair...
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and dressed-down manner of a movie star.
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- Buy me a drink? - I think the bar's closing.
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I know a place.
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It was at that point that Lindsay had a startling revelation.
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Uh, uh, uh, you get out. Get out. Get out. Out, out, out!
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- No homeless in here! - Homeless? You're homeless?
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You're gross. Oh, God.
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They're taking me in the army. They didn't think there was enough wrong with me.
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Well, did they check everything?
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Yes. They even touched my Charlie Browns. You lied to me.
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- You said I wasn't fit to serve. - Okay, hold on.
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Let's calm down, people.
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Um, I think I know a little bit about avoiding combat duty.
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Now which pinkie do you use less?
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Are you nuts? Do you know what I went through to have this boy?
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Oh, I know where the boy came from.
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Wait. Why were you in the pantry?
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And Lucille realized it was time to end...
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whatever it was she had with Oscar.
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So, I believe it's a good plan.
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The next day, Michael was ready to wow the board with his new business model.
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As I told my brother, the president...
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if we start construction on a second model home...
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we can be cutting this ribbon within two months.
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I said, "That's why you're no longer president."
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Two weeks. Let's do it in two weeks. Hey!
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I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Can we stop the music?
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I'm not as optimistic that we can get that done.
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Gob, I think we both agree that we would do things your way...
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if you had a business model.
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Do you have a business model, Gob?
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I am so happy that you asked me that, Michael...
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because I just happen to have a business model right here.
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Solid as a rock
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Meet Starla, the new Bluth Company business model...
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for our phase two campaign.
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Solid as a rock.
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We'll see you at the ribbon-cutting in two weeks...
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if my brother doesn't screw it up first.
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- Hey!
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Gob had committed Michael to building a model home in two weeks.
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We can't build a house in two weeks. Also, I'm not sure how "Solid as a Rock"...
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helps people forget the fact that we built houses in Iraq.
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- I love that. - But you probably know best because you're president.
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We don't have to build a real house, Michael.
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Like you said, it's all for appearances anyway. We throw up a couple of walls.
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- We build a fake one. - What are you talking about?
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Nothing on the inside.
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I'll never get a crew to build it. They'd lose their licenses.
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Then you build it yourself, damn it!
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Hey, there she is, my little business model.
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Sorry about that "build it yourself' crap.
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I might take her to the ribbon-cutting.
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- You end up finding a date yet? - No.
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As Michael grew frustrated by his relationship with Gob...
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Lucille tried to end hers with Oscar.
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- I want you out of the house. - Oh, I want you everywhere.
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Oscar, no. I can't have this in my life anymore. I'm a married woman.
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Lucille, you wanna leave? I won't chase after you.
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But before you do, ask yourself, "Where's your husband?"
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Because I am here. I am real. I am flesh and blood.
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And hair.
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Oh, God, that hair.
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What will people say?
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They'll say, "Those people are in love."
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That night, the evening news report said something very different.
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The surprising home video at 10:00.
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And Michael prepared to build a house.
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Two weeks? But what if my date's not available?
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I'm trying to get a last-minute crew together. Your inability to get a man interested...
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- is not at the top of my list. - Oh, I've got a man interested, Michael.
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- What's wrong with him? - There's nothing wrong with him.
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He is homeless.
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Well, I didn't know he was homeless at the time.
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- It was humiliating. - Is this about Gangy's homeless guy?
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- Gangy's homeless guy? - Yeah, it's all over the news.
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Gangy gave C.P.R. To a homeless guy on the beach.
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I've got someone for your crew, Michael. My boyfriend, the homeless guy.
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I wonder if he even has an apartment or-
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- Hello. - Did you see the news?
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Your Uncle Oscar forced himself on me at the beach today...
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- and I didn't have my horn. - Of course.
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It was Uncle Oscar. Mom, you're not having an affair with him, are you?
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You're building a house? I want you to give it to him.
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- It's not a real house. - Perfect. He's not a real man.
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And George Sr. Made his case to the Mexican police.
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My God, I was beaten up here. I'm telling you. I'm George. I'm not Oscar. I'm George.
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- The Cornballer. - SsÃ. The Cornballer.
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George Sr. Had marketed a device called the Cornballer in Mexico...
13:05 - 13:10
after the severe burns it caused led to it being banned in the U.S.
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- Why, did you have one? - SsÃ.
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Lindsay, meanwhile, was having trouble finding her homeless man.
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- He looked like a movie star. - The man looked like a movie star because he was a movie star.
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His name was Tom Jane, and he was making two movies for a major studio.
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which he got to do in exchange for making...
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a rigidly, formulaic popcorn movie.
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- He was living on the streets, researching his role. - Hey, homeless guy.
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- Hey. - I'm not proud of the way...
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I was so grossed out when I found out you were gross before.
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You really thought I was gross, huh?
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Well, at first, I thought you were kind of hot, but I hadn't looked closely enough.
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Listen, I have a construction job for you.
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And if you clean yourself up, who knows? You might actually get a date out of this.
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- Okay. - See ya.
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Okay, we've all made some sacrifices to be here, but we all want the same thing.
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- I wanna live here. - I wanna buy Ann some diamond dust.
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I'm just hoping to get mildly injured, so I can get out of the army.
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Bottom line is we've got two weeks to build a house.
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It doesn't have to be good. It just has to look good.
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I just want my kids back.
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And so, the guys went to work.
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Things didn't go smoothly at first.
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Buster looked for ways to hurt himself.
14:44 - 14:46
But soon the project came together- when Gob stopped by.
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Now we're building a house.
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- Yeah, I'm pretty proud- - So, what do you think? Did I do this or what?
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Seems like your brother did it.
15:03 - 15:05
My brother does what I tell him to do. I'm the president.
15:05 - 15:07
Where's your "P"?
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What? Oh, no, not again.
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I got it.
15:12 - 15:14
Hey, sorry for the "my brother does what I tell him to do" crap...
15:14 - 15:18
but I want this to be perfect for when I cut the ribbon tomorrow.
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You're cutting the ribbon?
15:20 - 15:22
I kinda thought that since I built it...
15:22 - 15:25
- I might go ahead and give it a- - Yeah, okay.
15:25 - 15:27
Can you imagine how that would look to the board?
15:27 - 15:30
The construction worker cutting the ribbon. No, no, that's a job for the president.
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Michael had a problem with that.
15:34 - 15:37
- Gob had taken away something Michael always wanted. - You got the "P."
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Now it was Michael's turn to take something from Gob- Starla.
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And later, Michael set about his plan.
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Gob, do you have Starla's phone number?
15:48 - 15:49
I got a few business things I'd like to go over with the business model.
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Guess who was just over her? Don't, I'll tell you- me.
15:52 - 15:56
- Hmm? - L- the business model.
15:56 - 15:59
Actually, theyjust made out.
15:59 - 16:01
Yeah, she had all kinds of orgasms.
16:01 - 16:04
Imagine that. I finally nailed somebody that you weren't after.
16:04 - 16:07
That's it. I've worked too hard and too long for you to keep getting all the credit.
16:07 - 16:11
whether we're all pretending that you're president or not.
16:13 - 16:16
Yeah, sure. I just wanted-
16:16 - 16:18
- You just wanted what? - I just wanted you to be impressed with me.
16:18 - 16:22
Dad never was. Never said a nice thing about me.
16:22 - 16:26
He called you the other day. He didn't even wanna talk to me.
16:26 - 16:29
Of course he did! He never wants to talk to me. He never has.
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- Cut the ribbon. - Really?
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- Yeah. How about that? - Michael.
16:41 - 16:42
I have no problem with it.
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- All right? Take it easy. Come on. - Thank you.
16:45 - 16:48
The next day, the Bluth family prepared to unveil phase two.
16:50 - 16:54
Have you seen your Uncle Gob around?
16:54 - 16:57
No. And I can't find that diamond dust that Aunt Lindsay bought for me.
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Oh, well, your Aunt Lindsay has probably taken it. She's just a taker.
17:00 - 17:03
This is your chance, huh? With the big ribbon-cutters after all these years?
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Well, actually, I figured, give Gob a chance, you know?
17:06 - 17:08
The guy doesn't get a whole lot of attention in this family.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the Bluth Company, Gob Bluth.
17:11 - 17:16
My brother wasn't optimistic it could be done.
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But I didn't take "wasn't optimistic it could be done"...
17:22 - 17:26
for an answer.
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Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you phase two of the Bluth Company.
17:30 - 17:34
A house truly solid as a rock.
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But as it turns out...
17:42 - 17:44
Michael was right to not be optimistic it could be done.
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And Buster saw the chance to get injured enough...
17:51 - 17:55
to keep him out of the army.
17:55 - 17:57
But instead...
17:59 - 18:03
- got a glimpse inside. - I can't look at that.
18:03 - 18:06
Unfortunately, Tobias had to.
18:06 - 18:08
I got the wrong homeless man. I am sorry. I was looking for Lindsay.
18:08 - 18:11
You lied to me. You both lied to me. I'm goin'to war.
18:11 - 18:15
- Buster, you can't! - Yes, I can.
18:16 - 18:19
I don't agree with your dirty doings here...
18:19 - 18:21
but I will defend with my life your right to do it.
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You planned this all along, didn't you, Michael?
18:26 - 18:28
- No, I didn't. I had no crew. I had no time. - You set me up.
18:28 - 18:31
Gob charged at Michael with the scissors...
18:31 - 18:34
but Michael, as he always did, picked rock-
18:34 - 18:37
- You wanted to make me look foolish! - Put down the scissors.
18:37 - 18:40
- Put 'em down. - Foolish with scissors!
18:40 - 18:42
Which beat scissors.
18:42 - 18:45
Unfortunately, the whole incident was covered by the paper.
18:47 - 18:50
Nobody looks good in this.
18:50 - 18:52
- Especially that little dude. - That's Ann.
18:52 - 18:55
- Who's- - It doesn't matter. Listen.
18:55 - 18:57
You know I didn't set you up, okay? I think the only reason you and I always fight...
18:57 - 19:01
is that since we were little kids, Dad's always played us off each other.
19:01 - 19:04
Dad always said that was your fault.
19:04 - 19:06
Anyway, what we oughta do is make a decision right now...
19:06 - 19:08
not to let Dad get in the middle of our relationship anymore.
19:09 - 19:11
- He's not even in town, and we're fighting. - We're grown men.
19:11 - 19:13
- Yeah, let's just move on. - Look at me. I'm the president of a company now.
19:13 - 19:17
Oh, that's Dad's line. I bet he saw the paper.
19:17 - 19:20
Listen, if you want my respect, you won't answer that, okay?
19:20 - 19:23
It's just gonna cause more problems.
19:23 - 19:25
Hello? They hung up.
19:27 - 19:31
They hung up on me. Hiya, guys.
19:32 - 19:34
I couldn't get the money. I don't know what happened.
19:34 - 19:36
- I'm impressed you hung up. - Did I hang up?
19:36 - 19:38
- I meant to hit speaker. - Oh.
19:38 - 19:40
- You gotta hit the line first. - I'm hitting both at the same time.
19:41 - 19:43
- These are the lines. There's a line here. - But she said-
19:43 - 19:45
- It's line and then- - Hey.
19:45 - 19:47
I don't wanna wait until Dad's dead for us to get along.
19:47 - 19:50
But it was too late...
19:50 - 19:53
within the hour.
19:56 - 19:58
- From now on, we support each other. - We start with a clean slate.
19:58 - 20:01
- Yeah. - We almost did it though, didn't we?
20:01 - 20:04
We almost pulled it off.
20:04 - 20:07
- No, it wasn't even close. - Yeah, a lot of people got hurt.
20:07 - 20:09
- This was very, very bad. - Not great. Not great.
20:09 - 20:12
On the next Arrested Development.
20:12 - 20:15
Lindsay finds out the true identity ofher homeless man.
20:15 - 20:18
Look. You're a really nice chick, but I'm not homeless.
20:19 - 20:23
I'm Tom Jane.
20:23 - 20:25
And even though Lindsay doesn't know who that is...
20:25 - 20:27
hearing that he isn't homeless is good enough for her.
20:27 - 20:29
- Buy me a drink? - You're really sweet, but, no.
20:29 - 20:34
I'm Tom Jane.
20:34 - 20:36
And Lindsay, crushed and alone...
20:36 - 20:38
for the first time misses her husband.
20:38 - 20:41
Tobias.
20:41 - 20:46
Lindsay, I'm-
20:47 - 20:50
Is that George Michael's diamond cream?
20:50 - 20:52
Oh, yes, well, I ran out of blue, and I couldn't find anything else.
20:52 - 20:56
I think my nipples are bleeding though. I don't know if you're supposed to use quite this much.
20:56 - 20:59
- That guy's a jerk. - No, I am.
21:01 - 21:04
No, no, I am.
21:04 - 21:08
Because I think I need to go to the hospital right away...
21:08 - 21:10
and see if I can't get some of this diamond dust vacuumed from out of my lungs.
21:10 - 21:14
This way.
21:15 - 21:16