Episode 1x21 - "Not Without My Daughter"
Director: Lee Shallat Chemel
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:01 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
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but to keep them all together.
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Michael was heading off to work when his son, George Michael...
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- reminded him of a yearly tradition. - Hey, don't forget me.
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- For what? - It's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
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And unless you had a daughter I don't know about, I'm your girl.
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Michael had first made this joke when George Michael was six.
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Well, she's not my daughter, but it's about as close as I'm gonna get.
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I'm a good little girl.
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It was a joke Michael was starting to grow concerned about...
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- as it had not worn well with age. - Hey, Dad.
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They're out of sanitary napkins in the ladies' washroom.
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Weird kid.
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I don't think this year's such a good idea. You know you're getting older and...
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Yeah, right. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start wearing a bra. Right, Dad?
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- All right, give me one minute. - Really, let's not this year.
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I cannot kill this joke.
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Hey, shouldn't you be getting dressed?
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- Nope. I'm going with my dad to work today. - Hey, peanut butter cup.
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This is work? Watching entertainment news?
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Well, excuse me, Michael, for not raising the perfect daughter that you did.
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I indulged this ritual for years in Boston.
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As a psychotherapist, Tobias was on the forefront of the self-esteem movement.
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There's, like, this longing, this pull.
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I mean, does that make me, you know, like some kind of...
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- Homosexual. - Maeby, please.
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She's right though. You probably are a homosexual.
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So, Maeby, this is what you're gonna do this year? You're gonna watch him watch TV?
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Behind the scenes at Entertainment Tonight.
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Oh, bless her. It's like she knew what I was going to do next.
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It's here! Girls with - Newport Beach.
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From the act I did on the beach over spring break.
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- Any magician... - Gob had done a magic show...
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where he had made the Bluth family yacht... disappear.
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It was spring break, and the act was filmed for the popular video series...
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Girls with Low Self-Esteem.
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This puts me back on top of the old magic career though.
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You're not gonna put that in. There's nudity on that.
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Maeby, why don't you go upstairs and get dressed?
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I must warn you, Michael. She doesn't respond well to strict directives.
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All right.
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- That was odd. - Not really. Kids love boundaries.
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Look at these girls. Is this what you want?
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- Oh, God, no. - 'Cause this could be where your daughter is headed.
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Oh, no, no. I don't want this for Maeby either, no.
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Oh, here it is. Here it is.
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It was a wild time on the beach.
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And if you like magic, look away.
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The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd.
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Douche chill.
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I can't believe they used that part.
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The one part where I screw up.
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It's not like they used the part where I made the yacht disappear.
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Sunk the yacht. Blew it up, sunk it.
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- We sure did. - We? No.
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I gave you permission to use the yacht. You blew it up.
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Yeah, well, if you give someone permission to use a tissue...
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you can't be upset if they blow their nose.
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Right? I mean, right?
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Lindsay, new outfit?
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No, I've had this for years. It's a hand-me-down from Mom.
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- Got a price tag right there. - Is there?
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Oh, I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing.
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Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me.
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Fine. I bought it before we went broke, okay? I just haven't worn it yet.
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- What about the outfit yesterday? - Old Thing gave it to me.
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- Where are you getting all the money? - It's not costing you anything.
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Unless you're stealing or working, I'm pretty sure it is.
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That's right. I stole it.
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In fact, Lindsay, tired of wearing last year's fashions...
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went to an upscale department store and in a moment of desperation...
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- applied for a job. - Can I have a job application please?
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But she was ashamed ofbeing a shopgirl...
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and was relieved when Michael gave her the out.
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Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It's built into the price.
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If I didn't take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing.
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You're telling me that you walked into a store...
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and without anyone noticing took an entire outfit?
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There's no way that you could do sleight ofhand that well.
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- I don't even think that I could do it. - Yeah, I've seen your tape.
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- Lindsay, this is appalling. - What'd you use for misdirection?
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- Misdirection? - Yeah, I mean, if you're so good at magic...
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what'd you have them looking at to divert their attention?
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I don't know... my ass.
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- My ass. You're lying. - No, I'm not.
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- You're gonna take that back. - No, I'm not.
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This has nothing to do with you. You're not my father.
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No, our father is in prison for stealing, remember?
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- Which might not be a bad place for you to get used to. - Michael...
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- I think I'm going to be okay. - Shoplifting?
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- Cool. Can you take me? - No. Hey, not cool. You know what?
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Maeby, you're gonna come with me to work today. You're gonna be my daughter.
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You're gonna have a role model in your life who is honest...
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who doesn't steal, doesn't lie and, I don't know, watch entertainment news.
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Michael, don't worry about it, okay? She's not gonna go with you.
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- Okay. - Great.
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That was odd.
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I'm going to teach you two a little something about hands-on parenting.
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Hey, Dad!
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Do you think this purse goes with this outfit?
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- Where'd my dad go? - Douche chill.
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And so Michael took his niece to Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
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You can just drop me off at the mall.
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You're gonna learn a little something about hard work.
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Hey, Maeby! Maeby!
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Okay, so you can run faster than me. But you can't make me work.
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No one's making you do anything, you know.
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It's just a chance for us to spend some time together. Learn about business.
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You know, you might find that you're good at things you didn't even know about.
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See that? Who knew you were such a good little climber?
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Now listen, let's make this fun, okay?
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We're family.
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What is better than hanging out with family? Hmm?
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Oh... It's my mother.
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- Hi. - She called you, huh?
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I guess I'm not good enough to be her husband.
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What? What's going on?
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Okay. Mother wants someone to go to my soccer game with.
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She don't want other soccer moms think that she a single mother.
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- She old school. - I liked it better when he just said annyong.
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- She old school. - I liked it better when he just said annyong.
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Hey, Mom, why can't Buster pretend to be your escort?
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- That's the way he's got it in all his cartoons. - They already know he's my son.
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I wouldn't go even if you asked. You didn't let me play soccer as a child.
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Why should I have to sit and cheer Annyong? Annyong never cheers me.
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Go, fatty.
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Stop it! He's your little brother!
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Can you not call me with these little things, please?
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The office is a mess. I still haven't replaced Kitty.
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Michael had recently fired his father's longtime assistant, Kitty.
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Did you hear that everyone? Michael Bluth is threatening me!
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- Shh, shh, shh. - It had not been a clean break.
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So, I've got a lot of work to do. Plus, it's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
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- Oh, where is George Michael? - I told him not to come.
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l-I thought it was more important to bring Maeby this...
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Damn it! Can't you just find somebody else, please, to look like your husband?
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In fact, there was someone else who looked like Lucille's husband...
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- his twin brother, Oscar. - Lucille.
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- And although she knew it was wrong to play with his heart... - Oscar, it's Lucille.
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she really didn't want to go to the soccer game alone.
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I need you.
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And back at the model home...
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three of the Bluth men struggled with their manliness.
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You know, I make jokes about being a daughter for my dad.
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I know I'm a man. It's his insecurity, not mine.
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There's no security at that store. That's how she was able to shoplift.
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They probably don't have a regular security guard.
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Well, of course I could get a job as a security guard.
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I mean, if I have to have a job to impress my daughter.
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If she needs something that butch.
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Yeah. I can hang out with my uncles. Three men. What's butcher than that?
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- I'm going to the mall. - Me too.
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Yeah, maybe a new pair of shoes will cheer me up.
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And now I'm filling out an expense report...
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so I can sleep well at night knowing that I have been honest.
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You're not asleep.
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- I was. - You were not.
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I would like to see if you could go one day without telling a lie.
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just one whole day without being like your mom.
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- What's in it for me if I do? - You'll win my respect.
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- Good night. - And 50 bucks.
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Fine. I'll do it if you do it.
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- That-a-girl. This is gonna be fun. - I win.
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- We're looking for Michael Bluth? - That's me.
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- I'm Michael Bluth. - I'm Officer Taylor. That is Officer Carter.
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Our daughters, Tammy and Moni... Oh, God, where... where did they go?
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- I'm on it. - How can I help you?
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Well, we're here investigating the disappearance of Kitty Sanchez.
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Apparently, you're the last person to see her... alive.
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Or around town or whatever.
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I don't know anything about that. I do know that, uh...
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she was my secretary, uh, but she left.
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Or l-I fired her.
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Did you ever threaten her?
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No, no. God, no. Of course not.
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Michael Bluth is threatening me!
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I did. I threatened her at a restaurant.
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- But, you know... it's a restaurant, so... - Yep.
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Certainly she's been seen since then?
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Not alive.
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Or dead or whatever.
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We'd love to speak with you down at the station.
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Sure. Uh, you know, l-l-I'm happy to cooperate.
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But I really don't know anything more than you know.
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I certainly didn't... didn't kill her and drop her in a back bay.
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- Boy, I hope that's not what happened to her. - I'm sure it isn't.
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Please send Officer Davis and Little Hanna to the back bay.
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So you killed Kitty, huh?
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No, I didn't kill Kitty.
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But I will go down to the station and answer those nice men's questions.
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You know why? Because I have no secrets to hide. Because I'm an honest man.
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And apparently a fun one.
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Let's go see what's going on in the back room.
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Were those the last words Kitty ever heard?
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No. I will not kiss her.
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Hey, hey, guys, what are you doing? It's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
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- Yeah, that's my Caitlin. - Okay.
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There is work to be done. Can we get back to it? Thank you.
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Oh, and has anybody, uh, seen or heard from Kitty lately?
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I think that's her right behind you there.
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- Oh, my God. That is Kitty. - And that's the boat that Uncle Gob blew up.
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Hey, now you have something to tell them at the station.
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Tobias sought out a security position at the nearby mall.
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I do know stage combat if the partner is willing and a bit more petite than I.
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But I have a daughter to impress and I need this job.
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Well, it's gonna be a couple of days before we can get you a gun license...
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so you'll have to use mine.
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Wow!
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Meanwhile, Gob had taken George Michael on a mysterious errand.
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What are we getting? Is it something for a magic trick?
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- In a way. - That's cool.
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You know, it's so great to be hanging out with you.
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There are certain things that I can talk to you about that I can't really with my dad.
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Like, uh, were-were you ever awkward around girls?
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What do you mean? Like if there were three of us and I didn't know where to start?
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No, I think I did pretty well.
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Not a lot of complaints, if you know what I mean.
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At least not from the girl.
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- You're saying I should just be myself? - And he had to drive her home.
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So I think I did pretty good. Pretty damn good.
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- Hey, guy. - Yes, sir?
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How many mice will $13 buy?
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And at the prison, George Sr. had a surprise visit.
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I just wanted to check in and make sure you're aware...
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that your ban on organized sports in this family has been violated.
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Ban on organized sports?
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You know, how you wouldn't let me sign up for anything when I was a kid.
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Is that what you've been thinking all these years? No, no.
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You were... You were just a turd out there, you know?
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You couldn't kick and you couldn't run. You know, you were just a-a turd.
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Prison has destroyed the way you talk.
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If that's what it takes to impress these guys around here, then they are not your friends.
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Anyway, Annyong's playing soccer, but I guess I should just ignore it.
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Look the other way as Mom and Uncle Oscar and Annyong have the perfect little family...
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. Oscar? My brother Oscar?
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- Oscar's been coming around? - No touching!
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No touching. No touching.
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You listen to me. You've got to take care of this Oscar situation.
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You get him out of there, all right?
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You make him wish that he'd never shown that ludicrous head of hair...
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and that nice face of his.
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- I will do it, Dad. - Good. Put her there.
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- No touching! - Oh!
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- No touching! - Oh!
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Her self-esteem is through the roof.
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And Michael arrived at the police station with Maeby.
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I got here as quickly as I could.
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- I didn't know you had a daughter? - I don't.
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I thought you wanted me to call you Daddy?
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Why don't you wait for Daddy in the car?
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- All right. What do we have here? - Gob sunk the yacht.
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The last time Kitty was seen, she was getting onto it. It's on tape.
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- Ooh! Did you see this? - Yep.
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Ooh! Chills. Why do I keep getting these bruises?
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- Barry! - Okay. Until we get all the facts...
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don't say anything that can incriminate you.
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Or me. Just try to keep me out of this.
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- Lie. Both of you. - No, what are you talk... We don't lie in this family.
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- Maeby, why don't you get a soda? - Okay.
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If I lie in front of her, it costs me 50 bucks. I do think that we should lie.
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Meanwhile, Lindsay was at work...
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and starting to getjealous that her daughter was at work with Michael.
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Hello, Michael. I know you think I'm such a horrible mother...
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but I was just seeing how my daughter was doing at work.
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Uh, she's, um, she's making lots of friends already.
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- Can you help me there, please? - It was at this moment...
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that Gob and George Michael arrived at the store.
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Say what you will about America... 13 bucks stills gets you a hell of a lot of mice.
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Who said anything bad about America?
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No. Well, I meant... So what are the mice for?
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Oh. No, that's just for misdirection.
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We'll see who the sleight-of-hand artist is in this family.
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Okay, now when I yell "Mice!" I want you to open this box...
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- and I'm gonna start stuffing some shirts down your pants. - Shirts?
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- Gob, are we shoplifting? - Mice!
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Mice! Call security!
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- Michael, I'm not as bad an influence as you think I am. - Well, you're not a great one.
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You're a criminal, Lindsay. What kind of message does that send?
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Bluth. We're ready to question you now.
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That's what I am, Michael. I'm a shoplifter!
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I've got a whole bag of clothes I shoplifted.
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But Tobias was now a guard.
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And a surprisingly catlike one.
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- Wow. I guess we didn't need the mice. - Freeze...
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While the rest of the Bluths were in police custody...
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Lucille was with her brother-in-law.
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I am blown away that you... that you called me and that we're-we're together.
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And my camper made it all the way up here.
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Do you think it's safe over there? Because I only have a hanger for a lock.
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What are they gonna take, the one can of Comet you've got in there?
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Oh, your tongue is as sharp as your body is still taut.
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What are you doing?
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Oscar, this is a children's soccer game, not Woodstock.
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That was another era, huh? The music and the pot.
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Will you excuse me? I need to go to my camper for just a quick sec.
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Open.
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- Hey, Uncle. - Hey, Buster.
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No, no, no.
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- No, no, no. - No, no, no.
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No! No! No! I came here to say something.
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You do not belong here. My mother's been spoken for.
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You know, I may never have played organized sports, but I am a man.
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- Buster. - And I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
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Okay. But, uh, I never meant to break up your family.
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Your mom called me for a reason. And I don't think she's happy.
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No, she's happy. She's just mean all the time.
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Uh, no, no, no, Uncle, let me get you. I'm a man. Move.
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Michael submitted to the detective's questions.
16:13 - 16:16
You haven't seen any evidence of Ms. Sanchez or where she might have gone?
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I have, uh, no idea. None.
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Are you willing to take a polygraph to that effect?
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- Are you nuts? - Not without a better lawyer.
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You're holding out on us!
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Fantastic. Now Emma's awake.
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- You know what? Let me take care of this. - Please.
16:35 - 16:39
Kitty had evidence against your father, and you didn't want that to come out.
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But now you've got bigger problems, my friend. So why don't we make a deal?
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I give you evidence against my father, and you pretend that I didn't kill Kitty?
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I mean, l-I didn't kill Kitty.
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Hello. Oh, hey, George Michael.
16:57 - 17:00
Uh, I'm sorry. In your pants?
17:00 - 17:03
I'll be right there. Um, my son has an emergency.
17:03 - 17:08
You know, there's a Grover book... I Can't Hold It In.
17:08 - 17:12
Worked for us.
17:12 - 17:15
Buster emerged from Oscar's trailer with a newfound sense of manliness...
17:15 - 17:19
and then received a serendipitous gift.
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Kick it back!
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- If you can kick, fatty. - I'm a man.
17:27 - 17:31
What are you doing? Get off the field!
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Are you crazy?
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And Buster realized he may havejust scared away a man...
18:02 - 18:05
who supported him in the way he'd always hoped his own father would.
18:05 - 18:09
And Michael headed over to the mall.
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- So what the hell is this? - Hey, Dad, I didn't know we were shoplifting, okay?
18:19 - 18:23
Shoplifting? What's the matter with you, Gob?
18:23 - 18:25
What's the matter with me? She's the shoplifter!
18:26 - 18:28
- I wasn't shoplifting, you twit. - Yes, thanks to me.
18:28 - 18:31
No. I work here.
18:31 - 18:33
At least I used to. They fired me because they thought I was helping this idiot shoplift.
18:33 - 18:37
Also, they said I wasn't a very good salesgirl.
18:37 - 18:40
You can't be serious?
18:40 - 18:43
A salesgirl.
18:43 - 18:45
I knew it! I knew you couldn't pull it off.
18:45 - 18:48
There's only one magician in this family and that is me.
18:48 - 18:51
And you got caught by a 13-year-old girl.
18:51 - 18:54
You know, this is why I'm constantly asking you to stay away from my son.
18:54 - 18:57
Yeah, well, it's not like you were there to spend any time with me, Dad.
18:57 - 18:59
Because I'm not daughter enough for you.
18:59 - 19:01
George Michael, um, I'm always there for you, okay?
19:01 - 19:06
It's just you're getting a little too manly for Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
19:06 - 19:09
- Dad, that's what makes it funny. - I also wanted to give Maeby a good role model for a change.
19:09 - 19:14
Yeah, well, I guess, you looking out for her is probably something she could use.
19:14 - 19:18
Where is Maeby?
19:18 - 19:20
Michael realized he had to get to the police station...
19:20 - 19:22
before they got ahold of Maeby, to whom he'd promised $50 to tell the truth.
19:23 - 19:27
I've put a bounty on my own head.
19:27 - 19:29
But Maeby's instincts to lie returned.
19:29 - 19:33
Hey, you can't go in there.
19:33 - 19:35
No, it's okay. I'm Detective Fellows's daughter.
19:35 - 19:38
Oh. Oh, sorry. It's four-three-five. And that opens any door in the building.
19:38 - 19:42
Great. Thanks.
19:42 - 19:44
And it was there that Maeby discovered the key to Michael's freedom.
19:50 - 19:54
Well, I appreciate your honesty.
19:54 - 19:56
Maeby. What-What-What'd she say?
19:56 - 19:58
I said there's a tape of Kitty getting on the boat and that you guys blew it up.
19:58 - 20:01
I told them the truth, like you told me.
20:01 - 20:04
That-a-girl.
20:04 - 20:06
That's right. That's, uh, that's the truth. That's everything that we know.
20:06 - 20:09
You're free to go.
20:11 - 20:13
Great. Here we go.
20:16 - 20:18
- What the hell just happened? - Relax. They got nothing on you.
20:22 - 20:25
They're bluffing. Kitty's alive. I just saw her in the back room.
20:25 - 20:28
They just wanted to get you scared, so you'd testify against Pop-Pop.
20:28 - 20:31
Unbelievable. Oh, that's great.
20:32 - 20:34
You just told them the truth; they let us walk.
20:34 - 20:37
- I guess I owe you 50 bucks, huh? - Yeah. I'd save your money.
20:37 - 20:40
Kitty's got a lot of evidence, and she thinks that you tried to kill her.
20:40 - 20:43
So you're probably going to need a better attorney.
20:43 - 20:46
Lo siento.
20:48 - 20:51
I hate Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
20:51 - 20:55
On the next Arrested Development.
20:55 - 20:58
Tobias loses his securityjob trying to solve the store's mice problem.
20:58 - 21:02
Lindsay, now without a job, goes with her initial instinct.
21:02 - 21:08
Mom, we're gonna be late for practice!
21:08 - 21:10
- And Annyong exacts his revenge. - Where is everybody?
21:10 - 21:13
Heads up, fatty!
21:13 - 21:15