Episode 1x17 - "Justice Is Blind"
Director: Jay Chandrasekhar
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
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and the one son who had no choice...
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but to keep them all together.
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Michael Bluth and his family had gathered at the courthouse...
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to discuss George Sr.'s upcoming trial.
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Do not ask me how I did it...
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they offered us a plea bargain.
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Really? There's a chance we don't have to go to trial?
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Absolutely, and I say we take it...
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because we will never get an offer this good again.
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- Wow. - Great. What's the offer?
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Well, I didn't read it. I just got it yesterday.
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F.Y.I., I'm trying to get back into the dating world.
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Hey, you're not one of those silly men that's dressed like a woman, are you?
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No, baby. I'm the real thing.
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I don't understand how a person can put their sex life in front of their work.
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He's a man, Michael. He needs a woman.
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Can we get back to work, folks?
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We've only got 24 hours to respond...
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and no matter what this is, it is better than going to trial.
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Your father's not here. I'll speak for him.
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He loves it. He's crazy about the plea.
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He's dying to get out of that prison and be with a woman again.
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In fact, George Sr. had a woman in his life...
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Cindi Lightballoon, a fan ofhis Caged Wisdom video series...
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with whom he'd had fleeting physical contact.
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That morning however, she had some startling news for him.
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I'm a mole.
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Well, you know, God doesn't care how big your teeth are.
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Yes, you could go to a dentist. You could... Whoo.
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You could grind off about... I don't know... 30%, maybe more. Yeah, I wouldn't miss it.
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No, no, no. I mean, I'm an undercover government agent.
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I was sent here to investigate you.
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Up until last week, my being in love with you was just an act.
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- Hmm. - But now I want to be with you.
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And I know you can beat this case they have against you.
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I know this for a fact.
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I want to fight this thing. I can beat it. I know it for a fact.
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- We're taking the plea. - Lucille, we're not taking a plea.
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We don't even know what the plea is yet.
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Is that a shot at me? 'Cause that makes me want to read it less.
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- You have another one of these? - Yes, I do.
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- We'll both read it. - You're going to read that?
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- Yeah. - It's pretty thick.
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He thinks he's a lawyer 'cause he played one in 10th grade.
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In order to satisfy an English requirement...
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Michael appeared in the drama club's production...
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of an original play, The Trial of Captain Hook.
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- I don't remember that. - Well, you left during my solo.
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And I'm surprised my twin sister can remember that...
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considering she was repeating the ninth grade at the time.
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- I don't remember that. - Big surprise, Mom.
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It's not like you ever took an interest in our lives.
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Honestly, if I ever did to Maeby what you-
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Lindsay recalled that earlier that day...
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she had received a letter from the high school about her own daughter.
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And so later, Lindsay and Tobias tried a more hands-on approach to parenting.
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We would like you to tutor our daughter.
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Now, of course, we're having a bit of a cash-flow problem...
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but I assure you...
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if you bring our little girl's grades up...
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I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream...
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you'll be the envy of everyJerry and Jane on the block.
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We're the only house on the block.
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Perhaps we should get somebody else.
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Michael, meanwhile, had gone to the bar across the street from the courthouse...
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to read the plea offer.
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"Not to exceed five years, but no less than three."
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- So what do you think? - I don't know.
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I'm so mad at Barry I can't even focus. That guy's out dating?
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- I mean, I'd love to be dating, but l... - Can't relax?
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No. I don't have time for a relationship. This is important.
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No one said anything about a relationship, Michael.
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If you'd slept with more than four women, you'd know that.
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- I have, Gob. - More than five?
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Let's say "five". This is a courthouse bar, Michael.
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These are professional, aggressive women...
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who are looking for nothing more than a one-night stand.
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No real names, no promises.
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I'm not a one-night stand kind of guy. I don't like lying to women.
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These are lawyers... that's Latin for "liar."
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I can't believe I'm still reading the same sentence.
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How can something be "no less than three" if it exceeds six?
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I mean, six is still more than three, right?
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Yeah, and it's still more than five.
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- Oh! Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. - It's okay.
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- I'm falling all over you. - Let me move down.
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I'm just working on this plea.
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If you're pleading with me to have a drink with you, you can stop begging.
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No, no. It's a...
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It's a plea for this case that I'm... I'm sorry... you want a drink.
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Well, I didn't come here for the view.
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- I'll have a vodka martini. - I'll tell him.
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- So, another lawyer, huh? - Vodka martini!
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I'm Maggie Lizer, as in "Maggie lies her ass off."
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One person laughed at that once, and I don't know why I keep trying it.
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- No, it's good. Yeah. - What kind of law do you practice?
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Maritime. Maritime law. Lawyers of the sea.
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Oh. Submarine chaser.
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What's your name?
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- Chareth. - Chareth.
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Oh. So then what's your last name?
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- Cute story... - Cutestory?
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Yes. Chareth Cutestory.
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- That's an interesting name. - Is it?
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So here's the test that I failed.
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Oh, okay. Yeah, I see the problem right away.
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You, uh... You got all the answers wrong.
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You know you, you even got your name wrong here. It says, "S. Fünke."
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Yeah, well, see, what they want you to do...
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is put an "S" if you're single, an "M" if you're married.
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I mean, most of us are all single, but it's a whole government thing, so...
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Yeah. Okay. The first thing you want to do when you're dealing with fractions...
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Yeah. So I'm gonna go, okay?
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Yeah. So I'm gonna go, okay?
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So just fill in all the right answers here, and I'll see where I went wrong.
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And you're getting paid for this right?
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There was talk of ice cream, but not exactly on my terms.
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Wow! Where did you get all that? Do you have a job or something?
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No, but you do.
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Now, look. Don't feel guilty.
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I don't really need tutoring anyways, okay?
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- Enjoy the 200 bucks. - Oh, there... there's six 20s here.
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- That's right. - Right.
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After an evening of drinking, Michael, being the sensible one...
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offered to give Maggie a ride home.
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Oh-ho!
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The next morning, Michael was wondering...
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how to end his first one-night stand.
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- Coffee? - Hi. Yes, please. Thank you. That's great.
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But you know what? I am going to have to read that plea soon, okay? 'Cause it's a big case.
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But I promise later I will call...
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Michael struggled to follow Gob's instruction tojust walk away.
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I'll... I'll... I'll call, okay? All right?
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- Hey. Who's this? - Oh, that's Justice.
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- Hi, Justice. - Hi, Justice. Is he as handsome as he smells?
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I didn't... I didn't know that you had a dog.
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- How else am I gonna get to work? - You ride a dog to work?
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You are funny. Let me see that smile.
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Well, it's tough with your hands in the way.
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- Say when. - Okay.
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And suddenly, Michael recalled some non sequiturs from the night before.
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So, tell me something personal about yourself.
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Uh, well, I have an irreversible case of ocular retinoblastoma.
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Hey. I thought we said no more law talk.
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I really can't see anybody right now.
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Oh, well, I can't see anybody ever.
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- I'm blind. - I'm wasted.
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Michael realized that the woman he was attempting to never see again was blind...
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and he was overcome with guilt.
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- When... can we go out again? - Really?
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I thought you were, like, just into this one-night stand kind of thing.
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Come on. I took a blind woman home with no intention of dating her again?
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Please!
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George Sr. was continuing to exploit his relationship with Cindi.
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What... What evidence does the government have...
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on old wise George, by the way?
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Oh, I hate it when you call yourself old!
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- You're new to me! - Oh, that's... that's nice.
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Do they have a... a file or tapes?
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Oh, what's the use? You're married.
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- Yeah. Let me ask you... - We'll never be together.
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- Let me ask you a question. - Let's just go back to what we do best.
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- Okay. - Tweak me.
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- George! - Lucille!
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Hi. Uh, this is not what it looks like.
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It looks like you're tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence.
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- Yep. Yeah, that's it. - Is this why you wanted to fight this thing?
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So you could run off with this great redwood of a whore?
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Listen to me. She is a fan of mine.
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She has seen everything I've done. You understand? Everything.
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Well, so have I...
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and I'm not going to put up with it anymore.
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- Okay. - You'll be hearing from Barry.
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All right. Hon? Honey? Hon?
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- Oh, God. I'm a home-wrecker. - Oh, no.
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- I never wanted to be that person. - No, no.
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No. No, Cindi, it's... Cindi?
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Michael came home upset that his one-night stand wasn't over.
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You should have stayed with me last night.
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You could have seen me get some major action from a major blonde...
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who just majored in marine biology, if you know what I mean.
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I don't know what you mean. I can't imagine what that means.
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- I actually had a pretty interesting night myself. - Really?
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- What'd you do, read the plea? - No, I didn't have a chance to. I went home with someone.
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- What's wrong with her? - Nothing's wrong with her.
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- She's blind. - Are you serious?
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I didn't know at the time. And now I've got to take her and her dog to the park.
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You've got work to do. You've got to read that plea.
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I know. That's what I was trying to do last night when you put me up to all this.
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- No, I didn't. - Yes, you did.
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I told you to walk away. I told you to give a fake name.
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I did. Thanks very much. I'm Chareth Cutestory, a pirate lawyer.
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- It was airtight. - Boy, you had to work hard to bag this blind girl, huh?
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- I certainly can't take advantage of her now, knowing what I know. - What? No.
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Michael, you can! Don't you...
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You've just won the gold medal at the sexual Special Olympics!
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She can't ever find you again. Don't you see that you're so lucky?
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- God! How do you not s... - What's the matter with you?
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- Didn't you "bag" some woman you're never going to see again? - Well, I screwed up.
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I broke a couple of my own rules last night.
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She knows that I'm Gob Bluth...
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and we got married and I just...
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- What? - Well, she was a darer.
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She's one of those girls who just dares you to do things.
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- You married her? - I needed a dare!
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What had started as an innocent flirtation...
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had turned into a series of escalating challenges.
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Unfortunately, the evening was draining...
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and the one thing they never dared each other to do was consummate the marriage.
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Well, guess it's time to seal the deal.
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Oh, wait! What time is it? Oh, God! "Seal the deal."
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My seal deal! I gotta get to Sea Land.
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I'm selling five of their sickest seals to a third-world zoo.
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- Did you say seals? - Yes! I told you four hours ago, I sell seals!
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God! Do you ever listen to what I say?
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I'm sorry I don't memorize every word that comes out of your mouth.
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Sometimes I just like to think... think my thoughts.
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We'll talk about this when I get home.
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It was hot.
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Boy, the lengths you'll go to sleep with a woman.
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- But he really didn't. - Yes, I did.
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And later, Michael arrived for his date.
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- Hey! - I'm so sorry that I'm late.
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- I thought I smelled you coming. - Mm. Yeah, here I am.
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I thought so. Did you smell him?
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- Did you smell the handsome man, Justice? - "Handsome."
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- You don't have any evidence of handsome. - Well, that's true.
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But I can feel handsome.
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- Mmm. - That feels handsomey.
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- Mmm. - That feels handsomey.
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So you didn't get a case of"I just had a one-night stand with a blind girl"-itus?
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No, of course not. One-night stand? Please!
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This is our second date now. And I wanna see...
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And I wanna see you again tonight, so, um...
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if it's a one-night stand, I'm not very good at it.
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But now, listen, aren't you busy with the trial?
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Um, yes, of course. I'm very, very busy. But not too busy for you.
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Not too busy for a little walk right now maybe.
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I'll be your Seeing Eye dog. What do you think?
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- Okay? - Oh. Should we leaveJustice here?
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Um, yes. He'll be fine, won't you, boy? Huh?
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Justice, stay! Stay!
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Describe this to me, Chareth.
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Describe to me how beautiful the park is.
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Oh, I wish you could see it. It's just beautiful.
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There's an elderly couple walking hand in hand.
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- They're having a wonderful time. - Yeah?
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"Already served, not to exceed six years but no less than three..."
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Uh, three years is what I give them...
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and then one of them dies and the other one is not too far behind.
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I can smell right through you, Chareth. You're reading.
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Leash your dog, you...
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- Uh, yes. - Yeah.
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And George Sr. was working on a roadside beautification effort...
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brokered by Warden Stefan Gentles.
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- Inmate Bluth. - Yes, sir?
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I want you to know that last night...
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I watched a very impressive videotape of the title Caged Wisdom.
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I was struck by the dual life of the spiritual man.
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And I did very much enjoy the blooper bonus footage at the end.
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Well, you know, I almost did strangle myself on my own prayer shawl.
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A self-choking for the ages.
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- There's a Shasta can there you seemed to have missed. - Okay.
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- Moments later, Cindi arrived. - Thank you, Warden.
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George! I had to see you.
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I'm sorry I left before. I just felt so awful.
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But I kept thinking about us.
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- Yes. - About our future.
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- Yes, l... - And I know for a fact we can have one.
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Okay. What evidence do they have on me?
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You keep talking about a fact? You keep saying, "I know for a fact."
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- What fact? - Faith.
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I have faith my prayers will free you.
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- Faith is not a fact! - Oh, yes, it is.
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You said so yourself in Caged Wisdom.
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George Sr. had said "Faith is a fact."
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Unfortunately, it was in the Caged Wisdom blooper bonus footage.
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I almost said faith is a fact.
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I am going to trial because you don't understand what a blooper reel is? Guard!
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Back at the high school, George Michael ran into Maeby.
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I got an "A." Check it out.
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Great job. Take some more money.
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Look. I gotta go. I'm going to this fund-raiser for a sick girl, okay?
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This rang false to George Michael...
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who knew that fund-raisers, a passion ofher mother's...
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were something that Maeby would avoid.
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And later, at the courthouse...
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- Good afternoon. - Thank God.
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So did you read the plea? We've got minutes here, not hours.
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I did read it. Most of it. Um, I definitely...
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definitely read this, uh... the first part of this first, uh, section.
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- Uh, no. Did not read it. - Oh, come on, Michael.
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How many times are you going to screw up...
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before the rest of this family sees you for the screwup you are?
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I'm not the lawyer. All right? Why didn't you read it?
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Excuse me. I got busy with my other clients.
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- What other clients? - He doesn't know about the divorce?
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- It's an annulment. - Oh, I looked into that too.
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You can only get an annulment if you haven't consummated the marriage first.
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Well, I guess I'll just stay married then...
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because we all know that I closed that deal, right?
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But he really didn't.
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- He was talking about my divorce. - Your what?
15:43 - 15:46
You and Dad are getting divorced?
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Oh, don't worry, sweetie. No one is fighting over you.
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And don't worry about Barry reading the plea.
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We'll let your father rot in prison.
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Take the plea. We're taking the plea!
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We're going to trial, you're going to lose, and you're going to stay in there.
15:57 - 16:00
- That's enough, Mom. - For him? Nothing's enough.
16:00 - 16:04
You'd think a man locked up in prison would be able to abstain.
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Your father, with his disgusting tweaking!
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I couldn't breast-feed any of you kids because of that man!
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- Aww! - Shh.
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They still look fabulous.
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Lucille, for God's sakes. She was an informant. She was working for the government.
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The only thing I was pumping her for was information, honey.
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An informant. Dad, are you crazy? You're gonna blow this whole case.
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It's blown. It's over. It's dead. Take the plea. Get me out there.
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Lets take the plea, okay? Look. It's so nice and thick.
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Oh, George, I should have never doubted you.
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Even when you slept with my sister, it was for a good reason.
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Got her to stop drinking, didn't it?
16:41 - 16:42
All right, listen. This is all getting a little crazy.
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We cannot accept their conditions if we don't know what their conditions are.
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Do you wanna read it?
16:48 - 16:50
Uh, no. It is thick. Why don't we just take it?
16:50 - 16:53
- I could kiss you on the... - Well, let's... What?
16:53 - 16:56
And so the family gathered in the courtroom...
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to announce their decision.
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All rise. The court is now in session.
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The Honorable Lionel Ping presiding.
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Oh, we've got Ping again.
17:05 - 17:07
Please be seated.
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The prosecution has offered a plea?
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- We have, Your Honor. - We've got Lizer.
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Yes, Maggie was the most feared prosecutor in all of Orange County.
17:17 - 17:21
And, therefore, I would like to bring your attention to Exhibit A.
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Not because she was a particularly adept lawyer...
17:26 - 17:29
but because she won the sympathy not only of thejury and thejudge...
17:29 - 17:32
And was that man in the room, not you, Doctor?
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but often times, the defendants themselves.
17:38 - 17:41
l... I was in that room.
17:41 - 17:44
Is the defense ready to respond?
17:44 - 17:46
- What are you hiding from? - You've got to call this off.
17:46 - 17:49
You gotta get more time. Get more time. She can smell me.
17:49 - 17:51
She smells everything.
17:52 - 17:53
- Objection! - What?
17:57 - 18:00
We haven't read it.
18:00 - 18:03
- It's very long, Your Honor. - Sit down!
18:03 - 18:05
We haven't read it. We're gonna get to it. I'm gonna start right now.
18:05 - 18:08
That's the blind chick you slept with?
18:11 - 18:12
That's the blind chick you slept with?
18:12 - 18:13
Michael, you're in bed with the prosecution?
18:13 - 18:15
It's genius. You can get all the information we need.
18:15 - 18:18
Wait a minute. How do we know it's not a trap? Maybe she's setting you up.
18:18 - 18:21
It's not a setup, okay? She gave me her real name. She said that she was a lawyer.
18:21 - 18:24
I'm the one that lied to her. I gotta go talk to her.
18:25 - 18:27
- No! - No, Michael! You can save this family.
18:27 - 18:29
Please! Do the right thing here.
18:29 - 18:32
String this blind girl along so that Dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society.
18:32 - 18:36
The solution to all our problems is staring you right in the face and it can't even see you.
18:36 - 18:40
I gotta go talk to her.
18:40 - 18:43
Yeah, I better get back to the wife.
18:43 - 18:45
I think I'm going to take a scenic drive down to the City of Industry.
18:45 - 18:50
And George Michael went to the fund-raiser...
18:50 - 18:52
for the sick student Maeby had mentioned...
18:52 - 18:54
but was surprised not to see Maeby there.
18:54 - 18:56
We have been blessed to have in our midst a child who has shown us the meaning of courage.
18:56 - 19:01
Now let's show her the meaning of charity.
19:01 - 19:05
Please welcome... Surely Fünke!
19:05 - 19:08
And that's when George Michael realized...
19:08 - 19:10
Maeby had been making money by pretending to be two twin girls...
19:10 - 19:14
Maeby?
19:14 - 19:16
one of whom was ill.
19:16 - 19:19
Somebody get her a cupcake!
19:19 - 19:21
And Michael went to Maggie's determined to tell the truth.
19:21 - 19:25
What a surprise. Come on in.
19:25 - 19:28
- Hey, I'm in. Hello. Sorry. - Oh. Hey.
19:29 - 19:31
- I thought you were going to be my reader. - Yeah? Oh, you're working?
19:31 - 19:35
Yeah, I got a break. I wasn't prepared, thanks to you.
19:35 - 19:38
Mm.
19:38 - 19:41
What about you? Don't tell me another pirate is still roaming the high seas.
19:41 - 19:45
Uh, hey. You know, let's make a deal.
19:49 - 19:51
You don't have to do this anymore, cause I'm gonna start laughing out loud.
19:51 - 19:53
- Okay. That's gonna help me so much. - All right. Let's go sit down.
19:54 - 19:58
- So, uh, Maggie. - Yeah?
19:58 - 20:00
I am not trying a case.
20:00 - 20:04
- That's fantastic! They settled. Great. - Well...
20:04 - 20:07
Listen, I know I shouldn't do this, but...
20:07 - 20:10
but I am so behind, and I really do feel as if I can trust you.
20:10 - 20:15
Yeah? What is this?
20:15 - 20:17
Well, you ought to know. You can see.
20:17 - 20:20
Maggie!
20:20 - 20:22
- What is it? Seriously. - Well, basically...
20:22 - 20:25
it's an overview of the government's case against the Bluth family.
20:25 - 20:28
It's a summary of absolutely everything we've got.
20:28 - 20:31
And you're just going to give it to me?
20:31 - 20:33
You're a lawyer. What do you think?
20:33 - 20:35
Do we have a case?
20:35 - 20:37
On the next Arrested Development.
20:40 - 20:43
Maeby attempts to deposit her check.
20:43 - 20:45
- Gob adapts to married life. - Unbelievable!
20:47 - 20:49
The seal deal fell through. Three of the seals died on their way to Chad.
20:49 - 20:53
How am I ever gonna find a maritime lawyer?
20:53 - 20:55
- I'm sorry, did you say "seals"? - Yes!
20:55 - 20:57
I trade trained seals for a living.
20:57 - 20:59
- Do you ever listen? - Do you ever stop talking?
20:59 - 21:01
Tobias is sent to break into Maggie's house to steal evidence.
21:01 - 21:05
Only to discover that she's not blind.
21:11 - 21:16