Episode 1x16 - "Altar Egos"
Director: Jay Chandrasekhar
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:01 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
00:04 - 00:07
but to keep them all together.
00:07 - 00:09
The local colleges are on spring break...
00:19 - 00:21
and things are heating up in Newport Beach.
00:21 - 00:24
George Michael was off from school for two weeks...
00:24 - 00:27
and was enjoying spending time with his uncle.
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I'm intercepting some telepathic energy...
00:30 - 00:32
that's telling me it's the eight of diamonds.
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That's amazingly close.
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Gee, I got it wrong. Well.
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I guess you won the shirt off my back.
00:41 - 00:44
- Okay, that's amazing. - It's the queen of diamonds.
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No, no, no. I had... But if that had been the actual card...
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I'm pretty sure I'd be almost too blown away.
00:52 - 00:55
You know, it's a new trick, so I'm still kind of tweaking my nipples...
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- The presentation was great. - Hey. Whoa!
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What's going on here, huh? George Michael, you should get to school.
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No, we're off for two weeks. Gob's teaching me some new tricks.
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Spring break! It's my favorite holiday.
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Nothing gets me more excited.
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I can see that. You might wanna button that shirt up.
01:11 - 01:13
No, I'm good. Anyway, listen, Michael.
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I need the yacht.
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I kind of made a commitment.
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One year earlier, Gob had appeared...
01:21 - 01:23
on a youth-oriented music network...
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Newport Beach."
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Now that I've gotten your attention...
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I'd like to announce that one year from today...
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I shall make that beautiful yacht disappear.
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Wow. He's amazing.
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He hasn't done it, and you're holding a four of spades in your hand.
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I don't care. I'm loving the ride, you know?
01:45 - 01:47
- How are you gonna do it? - Well, you've got two weeks off.
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Maybe we'll meet a couple young coeds along the way.
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- How young is too young for you? - That's not gonna happen, okay?
01:56 - 02:00
There's not gonna be any coeds. There certainly isn't gonna be any magic.
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It is a path to a lonely life where people mock you.
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- And you don't even realize it. - Michael, I'm a magi...
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I see what you did.
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You're not dressed yet? I thought you were working for me today at the office.
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You guys stay open during spring break?
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We're not Orthodox. But don't worry about it.
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Kitty's coming back, and it's just in time.
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Although she's caused nothing but problems since she's worked for me.
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Kitty, isn't that your phone?
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No, I'm on the phone with your dad. That one's your line.
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Kitty, these are not the files I asked for.
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Oh, then I don't know what I shredded.
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Have you had a chance to type up that report yet?
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- No, I have been Googling your father. - So I've heard.
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She's been out for two weeks with this chest thing...
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but she's had no problems cashing the checks I've been sending her.
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Speaking of which, have we gotten anything from Nana?
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Buster got a perforated heart and Gob got that receding hairline...
02:58 - 03:01
but you and I pretty much dodged the bullet.
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No, I meant in the mail. She usually sends checks for Maeby's birthday.
03:03 - 03:06
There's been cash coming in? Have you been holding out on me?
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No. No, I've been investing it.
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- Better at spending it. - Okay, I tell you what.
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I'll take you down to see Nana if you split the money with me 60/40.
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- 55/55. - Deal.
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Sounds like you guys are getting more than you think.
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We should go now before your dad gets back.
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- No need going halfsies with him too. - Right.
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In fact, Tobias had gone to prison...
03:31 - 03:34
to research the role of Frightened Inmate #2 for a film.
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This came at a bad time for George Sr...
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I sold you for a pack of cigarettes.
03:46 - 03:50
But didn't you come here to research the nature of fear?
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I can't think of a better teacher than White Power Bill.
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He's like a master's course unto himself.
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So you think I'm a coward.
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There's only one man I've ever called "coward".
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That's Brian Doyle-Murray.
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No.
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What I'm calling you...
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is a television actor.
04:12 - 04:14
Ouch.
04:14 - 04:16
And so, Tobias remained in prison...
04:16 - 04:18
as Lindsay and Maeby arrived at Nana's.
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Remember, she's a very old woman.
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We're going to get in, get the cash and get out.
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Is this who I think it is?
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Nana!
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Unfortunately, the woman who now lived there was not their Nana.
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A fact that took Lindsay and Maeby an hour and a half to ascertain.
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Go! Go! It's not her! Drop the photo album!
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- We're not in the photo album! - Drop the pie!
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And Michael arrived at work to find Kitty.
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Hey, Kitty, how are you feeling?
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Much better. Man, I was really stuffed up there!
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Up here, Michael. Up here.
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Why'd you have to get sick now? What was the rush?
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In fact, it was the previous year's spring break...
05:01 - 05:03
that was responsible for Kitty's rush...
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when the makers of the popular video series...
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Girls With Low Self-Esteem, chose not to include her.
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Okay, we got all the good stuffhere.
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Let's just say I'm looking forward to a more successful spring break.
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- "Break"? You were just out. - That was my sick leave.
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- This is vacation. - No, you're not going on vacation.
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Oh, yes, I absolutely am!
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If you need me, I will be at Senor Tadpoles...
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- having a margarita made in my mouth. - No, no. Hey.
05:32 - 05:34
Kitty, there will be no margarita in your mouth.
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Oh, yes, there absolutely will be a margarita in my mouth!
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Spring break!
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- Up here, Michael. Up here. - Put the shirt back down and keep on moving.
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You're fired.
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I work for your father. You don't have the hiring and firing power.
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I absolutely do, and you're fired.
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I don't think your father is gonna be very happy about this.
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But take a good look, 'cause it's the last time!
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That's the seventh nipple I've seen today.
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And Michael was called to the prison.
06:07 - 06:09
What are you doing firing Kitty? You can't fire Kitty.
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- First of all, you don't have hiring and firing power. - I do.
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- And I had to. She's crazy. - That's why you don't fire her.
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You don't fire crazy. You never fire crazy.
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Dad, she's incompetent. She's completely unprofessional.
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Look, she just came back from sick leave, uh, with these...
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Oh, my God, you paid for those, didn't you?
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You got carried away. Hell, I've been so corrupted by my power...
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that I even enjoyed firing my own twin brother.
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You should have seen his face when he was begging me not to.
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Well, he's my twin brother. I can show you.
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It was funny. But, you know...
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Kitty had access to all kinds of information.
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God knows what she poked her nose into.
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There's enough evidence on this boat to put me away.
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The only real thing I have...
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Oh, God, there's nothing to hold on to down there.
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- You're like a boy. - What's wrong with you?
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All these books are cooked!
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- I'm sorry. I gotta do my job. - And I gotta get out of prison.
07:11 - 07:14
Next time someone threatens me, I may not have a son-in-law to offer.
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I can't come in here all the t... "Offer"?
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I may not have a son-in-law to offer me counseling.
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You know, he should have stayed a shrink. He's very gifted, you know.
07:22 - 07:25
In fact, Tobias had even produced a videotape...
07:26 - 07:30
but its brief success was due to its misleading name.
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Once this was discovered, all but 10 of the videos were returned.
07:34 - 07:38
Hire Kitty back, okay? For the company. No, no.
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For me, Michael.
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- It is kind of a funny face. - Oh, come on, now.
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There's just absolutely no purse that will go with this outfit.
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You've got a little pocket there, Annyong.
08:00 - 08:02
Annyong.
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That's not getting old.
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- Where's Nana? - I sent her on a wonderful cruise.
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You just missed a wonderful call from her.
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She just came back from a wonderful costume party that the captain threw.
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She gained 10 pounds... there's so much food on that boat.
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She's up to 74!
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It's wonderful, just wonderful.
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In fact, Lucille's mother had been dead for six months.
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She tried pesto for the first time.
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Can you believe that?
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Ninety-two years old, and she never tried pesto.
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Lucille feared that the family would come after the inheritance if they found out.
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Was she on the phone, Annyong?
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Annyong.
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Emery board.
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Isn't he great? And he goes with everything.
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Meanwhile, Gob was adjusting to a new companion ofhis own.
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That's not the end of the trick. There's a big surprise coming.
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Take your T-shirt off, please.
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What? Oh, you changed the trick. It's a different trick.
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If I roll up this T-shirt, put it in this hat...
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Gob! Hey, George Michael.
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Hang on. We're in the middle of something.
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If you'll be so kind as to expose your breast, please.
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No, no, no, no, no, no! Hey, what the hell are you doing?
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Dad, it's misdirection. You're supposed to keep your eye on the shirt in the hat.
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Get downstairs right now. Come on.
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- Buddy, what are you doing here? - I'm dying to see how he makes this yacht disappear.
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He's not going to make the yacht disappear. I told him that.
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It's driving me crazy. It's like a mind puzzle, an awesome mind puzzle.
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Michael looked at his son and saw...
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that he truly was inspired by his uncle...
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that perhaps the boy actually admired him.
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I gotta get you out of here. You're gonna come work with me at the office.
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Go wait in the stair car.
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Hey, I want you to explain something to me. I'm out looking for Kitty...
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and I find my son in the middle of a Girls With Low Self-Esteem video.
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Don't worry. He's gonna be covered with a blue dot. He approached me.
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And as for Kitty, I think you're crazy to have fired her.
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Who knows what kind of information she has?
10:01 - 10:03
He's my brother, and he's never even said "Good job."
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I just want him to love me, you know?
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Wow, you get really girlie after, huh?
10:09 - 10:13
Yeah, she definitely knows way too much. Well, go get her. It's the holidays.
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- I'm sure she's down at Senor Tadpoles. - Right.
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Having a cocktail made in her mouth. All right.
10:19 - 10:21
I'm gonna go take care of that. In the meantime, stay away from my son.
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Wow, Michael, I'm really hurt.
10:25 - 10:27
It's family. What's more important than family, Michael?
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- This yacht? - Of course not, Gob.
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You'd make the deal? Because I'd sign off on that right now.
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I stay away from your son,: you let me use the yacht.
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The holidays really brings out the best in you.
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Well...
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Meanwhile, Tobias found his experience as a therapist...
10:42 - 10:45
was helping him deal with his new cell mate.
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Yes, but where does the hate come from, Bill?
10:47 - 10:49
- What causes it? - TheJews, I guess.
10:49 - 10:53
Sure. But I think you need to look deeper.
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I think these are issues of self-esteem.
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I know what it's like. I know how it feels...
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who doesn't respect you.
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"Anyhoo," we have very little time...
11:04 - 11:06
before this, uh, 4:00 pounding you promised me.
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that I think you hate White Power Bill.
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- I hate you! - You hate White Power Bill.
11:15 - 11:19
- I hate the government! - You hate White Power Bill.
11:19 - 11:22
I hate my father! - Recreation. All prisoners, one hour.
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Go get 'em.
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I hate White Power Bill.
11:33 - 11:35
I got a prisoner down! Prisoner down!
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- You killed him. - Well, l...
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Like Dorothy. The Wicked Witch is dead.
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All hail Dorothy!
11:45 - 11:48
And at an elegant restaurant, Michael asked Kitty to come back.
11:48 - 11:53
Who are you asking back, Michael? Me? Or these?
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I want you all back. I want the whole gang. Okay? Please, Kitty?
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I'm trying real hard here, you know.
12:01 - 12:04
Can we just make believe that none of this ever happened and just start fresh?
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Michael, of course I'll come back.
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'Cause I never really left...
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because we both know that you can't fire people.
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No, I did fire you, and now I'm hiring you back.
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You don't have authority over me.
12:17 - 12:19
- They don't have nachos here. - You know what? Why don't we forget it?
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Because I've been trying to be very, very generous to you...
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and you don't respect me, so I'm firing you, okay?
12:24 - 12:27
- You are fired. - All right, Michael.
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But I know where things are and you don't...
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and you are asking for a whole world of trouble.
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If you're threatening me, you're gonna be very sorry.
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- Are you threatening me? - Yeah, that's a threat. I'm threatening you.
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Did you hear that everyone? Michael Bluth is threatening me!
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I've gotta get out of here. I'm a part of the story.
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I can't be a part of the story. I can't be a part of the story.
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Say good-bye to your company, Michael.
12:53 - 12:57
- And say good-bye to these. - No, no, no, no, no, no.
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'Cause it's the last time.
12:59 - 13:01
A woman shows all during a fracas at a local restaurant, sources say.
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George Michael was working harder than ever over his spring break...
13:13 - 13:16
filling in for the now twice-fired Kitty.
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Look at us working together. You get the hang of this...
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and this could be your summer.
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I don't know, Dad. I really wanted to see Gob's magic show and...
13:24 - 13:26
No, you don't. Isn't this much more fun, working with your Dad?
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- It's just, there was some other... - You gonna get that?
13:30 - 13:32
- Thanks, Laura. - Good afternoon. Bluth Company.
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Talk you off? Talk you off what, Pop-Pop?
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George Michael. I thought you were, um...
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When's that voice gonna drop? Where's Kitty?
13:44 - 13:47
I think Dad fired her again. He wants to talk to you.
13:47 - 13:50
I don't wanna talk to him. I made my decision, and that's that.
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Oh, you heard? Yeah. All right.
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- What did he say? - If I clean it up, it's not really a sentence.
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And so, George Sr. made another call.
14:05 - 14:08
Kitty's on the loose. I need you to make something disappear for me.
14:08 - 14:12
just some books in that cooler marked "Maddas."
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- Great. - George Sr. hung up...
14:15 - 14:18
confident that his problems would finally be taken care of.
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Hey, LittleJustice.
14:21 - 14:23
You, uh, painted your shoes red.
14:23 - 14:26
Call me the Tin Man. I'm a Friend of Dorothy's now.
14:26 - 14:29
- And she wants to see you. - And back at the office...
14:29 - 14:33
Lindsay arrived with her daughter and her mounting suspicions.
14:33 - 14:37
Mom says she sent Nana on a cruise.
14:37 - 14:39
You're still on this? How much was in those birthday cards?
14:40 - 14:41
It's not about the money, Michael. It's about Nana.
14:42 - 14:44
I think Mom sent her to a nursing home...
14:44 - 14:46
some gray, windowless room... against her will.
14:46 - 14:49
- So what was it like out there today? - Nice. Sunny.
14:49 - 14:53
Wow.
14:53 - 14:55
So, how do you think Gob's gonna make this yacht disappear?
14:55 - 14:57
Well, I'll be working here, so I guess I'll never know.
14:57 - 15:00
The only real way to find out how it's done...
15:00 - 15:02
is to sneak on the boat while he does it.
15:02 - 15:04
But if he makes it disappear, won't everyone see me standing there?
15:04 - 15:07
Let's just sit quietly and consider how ridiculous that statement was.
15:07 - 15:13
Anyways, if it was me, that's what I would do.
15:15 - 15:17
I wanna check out Mom's financial activity.
15:17 - 15:19
Call her banks, maybe run a hospital search.
15:19 - 15:21
It's gonna mean a lot of hard work, but I'll put somebody on it.
15:22 - 15:24
George Michael.
15:24 - 15:27
Where is George Michael?
15:27 - 15:29
In fact, at Maeby's suggestion...
15:29 - 15:31
George Michael was off to visit his Uncle Gob.
15:31 - 15:34
Hi, Uncle Gob. I came by to see...
15:34 - 15:36
if you need any help with your magic show.
15:36 - 15:38
- Great. - I think it's so great that you're doing this.
15:38 - 15:41
- I'm prepping right now. - How'd you get my Dad's permission?
15:42 - 15:45
Suddenly, Gob remembered the promise he had made...
15:45 - 15:47
to stay away from Michael's son.
15:47 - 15:49
None of your damn business. Get the hell out of here.
15:49 - 15:52
- What? - You don't have the magic in you!
15:52 - 15:54
You never did! You don't have it here!
15:54 - 15:56
So take a look. It's the last time you're gonna see these.
15:57 - 16:00
- Sorry, kid, more than you'll ever... - What?
16:03 - 16:05
Beat it! - As Gob was forced to send away someone he loved...
16:05 - 16:10
- You'll be missed. - George Sr. was forced to visit...
16:10 - 16:12
someone he had once tried to shove out of a moving car.
16:13 - 16:16
- Welcome. - You're Dorothy?
16:18 - 16:20
I thought the two of us could talk, man-on-man.
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I'm afraid I'm serious.
16:25 - 16:28
I bought you.
16:28 - 16:30
- Remember to let it steep for five minutes. - Oh, dear God.
16:32 - 16:35
I've been in this family for 16 years...
16:35 - 16:37
and I don't think we've ever had a conversation.
16:37 - 16:39
- I'm not gonna discuss this. - You hate me.
16:39 - 16:41
Yeah, I do hate you. You took my daughter...
16:42 - 16:44
my precious little girl... and moved her away...
16:44 - 16:47
and now I'm here, and I am afraid I will never get her back.
16:47 - 16:50
Afraid. You're afraid.
16:50 - 16:53
Fear has turned into hate.
16:53 - 16:55
So Frightened Inmate #2 isn't frightened at all.
16:55 - 16:59
He's angry. He's a crabby old coot...
16:59 - 17:03
just like everyone.
17:05 - 17:07
Get your... hands off of me.
17:07 - 17:09
Shh. Don't be scared.
17:10 - 17:12
And on the beach, the show was beginning.
17:20 - 17:23
Any magician can make the queen of diamonds disappear...
17:29 - 17:34
but what about a whole boat?
17:34 - 17:37
Mom, have you seen George Michael?
18:01 - 18:04
We just got here. I couldn't find my keys.
18:04 - 18:07
- I can never find anything in here. - We love you!
18:07 - 18:09
Where once there was a yacht, now there is naught!
18:10 - 18:15
- All right. So how'd you do it? - Michael, a magician never reveals his...
18:26 - 18:31
I sunk it! I sunk the yacht!
18:31 - 18:33
At least I think I sunk it. I mean, I blew it up, and I don't see it anywhere.
18:33 - 18:37
My heart was in my throat when that curtain came down and...
18:37 - 18:40
- You sank the yacht? - Shh!
18:40 - 18:41
- You sank the yacht? - Shh!
18:41 - 18:42
- You sunk a $700,000 yacht? - $900,000 worth of insurance on it.
18:42 - 18:45
And got rid of the evidence. How about a "good job"?
18:45 - 18:49
Seeing a window of opportunity, Lucille made a startling announcement.
18:49 - 18:52
- Nana was on that yacht! - What?
18:52 - 18:55
- You killed Nana! - She's lying!
18:55 - 18:58
Nana wasn't on that yacht. She's fine.
18:58 - 19:00
She's been dead for six months. - Lindsay had learned this information...
19:00 - 19:03
- For about six months. - when she spoke to the family's personal banker.
19:03 - 19:06
Later, fearing that Lindsay was onto her...
19:06 - 19:08
Lucille went to the bank herself.
19:08 - 19:10
There must be somewhere I can put this money where it can't be touched.
19:10 - 19:14
I suppose you could keep it in your purse.
19:14 - 19:16
Very funny, but I'm not carrying a purse.
19:16 - 19:19
Where's the money, Mom? I want the money.
19:19 - 19:21
You can't have it. It's in a trust fund for Annyong.
19:21 - 19:25
- Annyong. - No one can touch it but me...
19:25 - 19:27
and I retain control of it until he's 18.
19:27 - 19:30
I don't know what's more offensive... the fact you didn't tell us...
19:30 - 19:32
about our grandmother's death or that you sunk a $ 700,000 yacht!
19:32 - 19:36
Stop lecturing me. I just lost my mother.
19:36 - 19:39
I'm so glad George Michael wasn't here to see any of this.
19:39 - 19:41
Maeby, where is George Michael?
19:41 - 19:44
Um, well, if he's not here, I'd just have to say he's probably on the yacht.
19:44 - 19:49
On the yacht?
19:49 - 19:51
In fact, George Michael had boarded the yacht.
19:51 - 19:53
But when he saw the evidence of Gob's lifestyle...
19:53 - 19:57
he realized that this perhaps was not the life he wanted.
19:57 - 20:00
While Kitty went in search of retribution...
20:00 - 20:03
in the form of the files in the cooler.
20:03 - 20:06
George Michael's a good kid. I'm sure he's at the office.
20:06 - 20:09
Right. I told him to stay away from you.
20:09 - 20:11
- I told you to stay away from him! - I tried. I told him to get out.
20:11 - 20:15
Bluth Company. George Michael speaking, not Kitty.
20:15 - 20:17
- Thank God you're there. - I don't need a real spring break.
20:17 - 20:20
I really think I am much better off here alone in this office.
20:20 - 20:24
Michael realized what he had done to his son...
20:24 - 20:27
so he came up with a solution.
20:27 - 20:29
- You're fired. - Really?
20:29 - 20:31
Can you fire people?
20:32 - 20:34
Yeah. Go have a spring break.
20:34 - 20:36
Thanks, Dad.
20:36 - 20:38
Are you sure you're gonna be okay without Kitty?
20:39 - 20:40
Don't you worry. She'll turn up.
20:40 - 20:43
On the next Arrested Development.
20:50 - 20:53
Lupe makes a startling discovery.
20:53 - 20:56
Oh, so that makes Annyong 18.
20:56 - 21:00
And Michael finds himself in the middle of the search...
21:00 - 21:02
for a missing Kitty.
21:03 - 21:05
that you threatened Kitty the last time she was seen.
21:06 - 21:08
How does anybody even remember this?
21:08 - 21:11
- She showed her knobs in the steakhouse, sir. - She...
21:11 - 21:15