Episode 1x10 - "Pier Pressure"
Director: Joe Russo
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:00 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
00:04 - 00:06
but to keep them all together.
00:06 - 00:08
Michael Bluth was talking to his son about his latest test.
00:20 - 00:24
- A-minus, huh? - Proud of me?
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Very proud... minus.
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Better go hit the books again. Get up there.
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C-minus. "C" M-l-N-E-S.
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- Did you even study? - No, I didn't.
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Wow. How impressive is that?
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The bar for the refrigerator has been lowered, huh?
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Oh, grades are meaningless.
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Maeby's last school didn't even have them.
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Back in Boston...
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Maeby's parents had enrolled her in a progressive school...
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with its own system of evaluation.
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All I'm saying is that you might want to push her a little bit.
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A kid without discipline can get into some pretty tough stuff.
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You think she's gonna suddenly turn to drugs 'cause she got a C-plus?
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Minus. And, yes, I think that, without boundaries, a kid can get into trouble.
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Yeah, sometimes that could mean drugs.
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I think stress is what leads to trouble...
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the kind you put on George Michael, even when he gets an "A."
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Minus. An "A" gets him ice cream. He knows that.
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You're as bad as Dad with his ridiculous lessons.
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George Sr. had used his considerable means...
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to stage intricate scenarios...
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to teach his children what he considered valuable life lessons.
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- I need help. - I'll get my gear.
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Typically, these scenarios would involve a man named J. Walter Weatherman...
01:34 - 01:38
a one-time employee who lost his arm...
01:39 - 01:40
in a Bluth Company construction accident.
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- Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? - We're out of milk.
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I could have got it earlier if someone would have left a note.
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Oh.
01:50 - 01:52
Why? If someone had left a note...
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this-this innocent man would still have his arm.
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Why?
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And that's why you always leave a note.
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Those lessons worked, didn't they? We still leave notes to this day.
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Oh, that's what that was about.
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I thought he was trying to get us off dairy.
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- I need a favor. - What happened to, "Hello. I need a favor"?
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I owe Hot Cops 500 bucks.
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- "Hot Cops"? - It's the stripping agency I used to work for.
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- Cop uniform. - Right.
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I might have been just a little too believable.
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Police! Open up!
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Anyway, they're claiming that I never delivered on the gig.
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- I'm not an A.T.M. - I keep forgetting how hilarious you are.
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- Shh, shh, shh! You're making it worse. - Am I?
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I'm gonna give you the cash, but, in return, I get to ask you for a favor sometime.
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My gut is telling me "No," but my gut is also very hungry.
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All right. I'll do it.
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Michael then left for his mother's apartment...
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where she greeted him with some not-so-surprising news.
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- I need a favor. - We ought to put that on our family crest.
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- Oh, Michael... - Spare me.
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The S.E.C. is making me inventory everything I own.
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They want me to prove no new purchases have been made with company money.
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- And there haven't been, right? - Not after we doctor all these receipts.
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I can't help you, Mom. I've got a job.
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I gotta make some money so you can buy more things and destroy the evidence.
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You're right. I'll ask Lindsay.
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- Hey, Buster. - Hey, Brother.
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- You headed over to your girlfriend's? - Yeah. She's down again.
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Buster's girlfriend, Lucille Austero, suffers from chronic vertigo...
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which she has been trying to fight without the use of medication.
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Her nausea's gotten really bad. It's really been difficult on us.
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It's definitely taking its toll.
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You know you're free to go. It's not like you made a commitment to this woman.
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Well, I didn't make a "commitment."
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- I did refer to it as our nausea. - Mm.
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But you know, that's when we were goin' at it really hot and heavy.
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Well, now it's my nausea.
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Later, Lucille stopped by the model home...
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to enlist her daughter's help cataloging her valuables.
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- I can't. - Why not?
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Because I'm... Don't want to.
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Maybe I don't feel like being criticized around-the-clock.
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I don't criticize you. And if you're worried about criticism...
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sometimes a diet is the best defense.
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- Oh, hey, Gangy. - Hi.
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- D-plus. Sign this. - This is a D-minus.
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- Either way, it's above a "D," right? - Another world-beater.
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And Lindsay realized she needed to take a firmer hand with her daughter.
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- I'm not signing this. - Fine. I will.
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Is "Lindsay" with an "A" or an "E"?
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Okay, I know you got a "crocodile" in spelling, but this has gone too far.
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I hate to say it, but Michael might be right.
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You need to learn a little discipline.
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Hmm. Nope, that doesn't feel right.
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No, no, no. I'm telling you.
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You are now punished. I punish thee.
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Are you serious?
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What could you possibly come up with that would punish me?
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Oh, I have to come up with another thing?
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Oh, Lindsay, before I go, I just have one word for you.
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"Sleeves."
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You're going to spend the day working for your grandmother.
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No. No, that's not the answer, because you...
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What? No! You stupidjerk! Why don't...
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Dumb. Dumb. Dumb, George Michael.
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- Dumb, dumb. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Calm down, you two. It's just a math problem.
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If I fail math, there goes my chance at a good job...
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and a happy life full of hard work, like you always say.
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Maybe I'm pushing you too hard.
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You're all stressed-out. Your eyes are all red.
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Why don't you take the night off. just shut the book.
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Go ahead. just close the book.
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Go ahead.
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Your finger is still in the book.
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George Michael.
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Buster, meanwhile, was still worried about Lucille 2...
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whose condition seemed to be worsening.
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You okay? How's your nausea?
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"Our."
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I mean, our... our nausea.
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He remembered a study he took part in...
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on medical marijuana and its effects on nausea.
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The subject took the drug in the form of a T.H.C. pill.
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Nausea was then induced with a day at the carnival...
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which is what attracted Buster to the experiment in the first place.
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Buster was found two days later...
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trying to eat his way through this enormous plaster donut.
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So Buster went to the toughest, most streetwise kid he knew.
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- Tell your friends. - Hey, Nephew. I was looking for you at your home.
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- Dad told me to take the day off, so I decided to come into work. - Oh.
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I thought maybe you could help me get some weed.
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It's not for me. It's for Lucille 2, my girlfriend.
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She's your girlfriend? Dad said you were her nurse.
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Look, she's sick. This could help her.
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Pillform would actually be fantastic.
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I could put it on a tea biscuit, tell her it's a marshmallow.
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I have no idea where to get something like that. What makes you think I would?
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You work here. This place is pot central, right?
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In the '70s, the boardwalk was the place...
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to buy marijuana in Newport Beach.
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The stand served as a convenient meeting place...
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because of the banana's resemblance to a yellow marijuana cigarette.
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- It had even inspired a song. -? Big yellowjoint The big yellowjoint?
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? I'll meet you down at the big yellowjoint?
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I'm sorry. I can't help you. Why don't you just ask Uncle Gob?
07:57 - 08:00
Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?
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No. No. He'd never do it.
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Besides, he always makes fun of me for dating Lucille.
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- Everybody does. - That's horrible.
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You could tell Gob for me, but you can't tell him it's for me.
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- You can't tell anybody. - I'm working. - George Michael.
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What are you doing here? I thought I told you to take the day off.
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- There's nothing to do. Maeby's at Gangy's. - Find something to do.
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Go make mistakes, get in trouble... be young.
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Yes! I totally agree. Make a mistake.
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Here. Here's 20 bucks. I want you to close up shop and go crazy.
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Go find yourself something to buy that you don't need.
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Absolutely. Here. Take 225 from me.
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? Big yellowjoint Big yellowjoint?
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? I'll meet you down at the big yellowjoint?
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Maeby was working with her grandmother.
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And this is from when your Pop-Pop yelled out, "Oh, Melanie..."
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when he was making love to Gangy.
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This is so much fun. I can't believe my mom thought being here would be a punishment.
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Oh, she thinks I'm too critical. That's another fault of hers.
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Ah, yes.
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The week we had the au pair.
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You know, your mother always wanted this brooch.
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- Really? - Do you want it?
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I do now. That'll show her for trying to punish me.
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Oh. Pretty. It'll distract from the freckles.
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George Michael nervously approached the family yacht...
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Gob had been staying on.
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- Uncle Gob? - When he saw the yacht was empty...
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George Michael... as he'd been trained to do since childhood... left a note.
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Back at the model home...
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Gob showed Michael the note he'd found at the dock.
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- No. This can't be from my son. - It is his handwriting.
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Plus he left me $200.
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$100.
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100. I accidentally said 200. I don't know...
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- This is impossible. Why would he do this? - I know. I was shocked.
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Really, a hundred dollars. You can't get good weed for a hundred bucks.
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Anyway, here you go.
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Now we are even on you paying off that Hot Cops thing.
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- Might just be a few stems... - Get that out of this house. What's the matter with you?
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Maybe you should save the lectures for your son...
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if he can remember them.
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I speak to Lindsay one time about her hippie parenting, and I end up with a hippie.
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- It does seem pretty quick. - For all I know, this has been goin' on forever.
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He's been stressed, his eyes have been red, his grades are dropping.
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- Heard about the A-minus. - I'm gonna go find out what's going on.
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- Hey, what you doin'? - Nothing.
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No? So, listen, your, uh, your Uncle Gob...
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seems to think that he saw you down at the docks today.
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- Was that you? - No, no.
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Maybe it was the other George Michael... the singer-songwriter.
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- Yeah, that makes sense. - Yeah.
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What'd you do with the, um...
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with the money Buster and I gave you to go have fun with?
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I put that in my savings account.
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- Is that right? - Yeah. Save up.
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- Okay. Thanks for being honest. - Yeah.
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He's lying to me. Can you believe that?
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Where the hell is this family's morality?
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I don't know.
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- What... - It's cold out here.
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What do I do now? If I confront him, he's gonna lie to me again.
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- Should I yell at him? - Didn't Dad teach us that we don't yell in this family?
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Tell me before you hit the gas.
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I can't hear you!
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The kids are yelling.
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Tell me before you hit the gas.
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I guess you're saying, "Hit the gas."
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Don't! Wait! No!
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That's why you don't yell.
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Yeah, yelling's not a good way to go.
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I got a better idea.
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You wanna teach George Michael a lesson?
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Yes, I do, and it's gotta stick. He's getting into drugs, Dad, and he's lying to me.
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That doesn't sound like the boy.
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It's my fault. I've been pushing him too hard.
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- It's just... Dumb, dumb. Dumb, Michael. - Hey, hey.
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- Dumb. - Shh, shh, shh. I forgive you.
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I don't want your forgiveness. I want the guy with the one arm and the fake blood.
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- J. Walter Weatherman... how do I get ahold of him? - He's, uh, dead.
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You killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioner running.
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For God's sake. He's not dead. I need to do this soon, tonight.
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Down by the docks... I'm gonna make it like a drug deal went bad.
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Tonight? No. It's Yontif. It's the first night of Yom Kippur.
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Dad, that's just... That's one night, and it's back in September.
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That's okay. You've only been a Jew about two days.
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- Just try to talk to him. - Like you talked to me when I was growing up?
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- I thought you hated those lessons. - I did, but they worked.
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- And they will work again. - Well, I'm done with them, because it was wrong, Michael.
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- Come on. - Your son is a timid, thoughtful boy.
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He's a scholar, like his grandfather.
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What time is it? Oh, almost sundown.
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I have to prepare for the Sabbath.
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- It's Tuesday. - Shh, shh, shh.
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Lindsay went to see how her own attempt at parental discipline was coming along.
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So, having fun?
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- Where'd you get that brooch? - Gangy. Nice, huh?
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That was supposed to be for me. She was my au pair.
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I'm the one who cleared my throat and pointed to the laundry room.
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Ma! You know I wanted that.
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I know, but it's an elephant...
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and I didn't want to invite the comparison.
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Nice.
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In any event, your punishment is over. Come on. Let's go.
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She's not going anywhere. We're having fun.
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- Here, Maeby. Try this on. - I see.
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Fine. I was gonna take her out for ice cream...
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but if you'd rather stay here, well, that's just fine with me.
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We could go get some ice cream, Gangy.
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- That would be fun, right? - I don't think so.
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That chubby little wrist of yours...
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is testing the tensile strength of this bracelet as it is.
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Maeby decided that perhaps she'd had enough ofher grandmother.
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Maeby. Maeby?
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Hey, Gob. It's Michael. I figured out a way for you to repay that favor.
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Dad wouldn't help me teach George Michael the lesson...
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so I need your help and your Hot Cop friends.
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- I wanna fake a drug bust. - Michael, these guys are real dancers.
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They've never done any hot policing.
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They don't even need to be hot. They just need to show up in those uniforms.
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And so, Michael's plan was put into motion.
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- Where have you been? - What?
14:40 - 14:43
I am like a caged animal.
14:43 - 14:45
My old lady's on the floor, man.
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I am not s-ing around.
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Yeah. Gob just called. He's got the stuff at the yacht.
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- Oh, great. Let's go. - No. I think my dad's onto this.
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- I'm out. I'm not... - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on.
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Gob will never give it to me.
15:01 - 15:04
My woman is sick. Please?
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Later that night, Michael made the final arrangements with Gob.
15:13 - 15:17
All right, Gob, is this gonna be believable?
15:17 - 15:19
I want him scared. I love this kid.
15:19 - 15:21
These guys are pros. They're gonna push the tension...
15:22 - 15:23
to the last possible moment before they strip.
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They're not going to strip, are they?
15:25 - 15:28
I told them not to, but I can't promise that their instincts won't kick in.
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- Unbelievable. - Trust me. It's gonna be totally real.
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This kind of thing goes on all the time out here.
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Boats wait offshore, lights are flashed.
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A guy comes over and drops off a bag.
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It's gonna freak the little bastard out.
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Michael went off to hide...
15:43 - 15:45
while Buster and George Michael arrived as planned.
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I really appreciate you doing this for me.
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You're making a very miserable person happy.
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She really feels awful, huh?
15:54 - 15:56
Oh. Oh, I was talking about me.
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But, yeah, she's a mess. Be careful.
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- Uncle Gob? - George Michael.
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- You weren't followed, were you? - No, I don't think so.
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All right, kid.
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Let's deal some drugs.
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What are you doin'?
16:25 - 16:27
Flashing the lights... so the dealer knows what's goin' down.
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Who knows? An hour.
16:39 - 16:41
- Maybe five. - Drug delivery!
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You wanted some marijuana?
16:44 - 16:46
No, not me. My nephew did.
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Show me the money.
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- Show us the pot. - I got it right here.
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- Oh, my God. - Nice, right?
16:59 - 17:02
Okay, you can put your shirt down, Derek. just give him the stuff.
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So. We have a deal.
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We have a deal.
17:15 - 17:17
He's ruining his life!
17:17 - 17:19
- Police officers! Freeze! - What? Oh, no! It's the cops!
17:19 - 17:22
- And a construction worker. - Let's get this party started.
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- Aren't you guys gonna cuff him? - You wanted handcuffs?
17:26 - 17:29
All right. George Michael, I hope you learned your lesson, pal.
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Okay.
17:36 - 17:39
Okay, all right. Thank you. Thank you.
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- What is this? - This is a lesson.
17:43 - 17:45
Maybe I pushed you into this, but...
17:45 - 17:48
I love you too much to see you ruin your life with that crap.
17:48 - 17:50
- But it wasn't for me. - Then who was it for?
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Who? Give me a name.
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- Okay, it was for me. - Yeah.
17:57 - 18:00
I was gonna smoke the marijuana like a cigarette.
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Now you're looking at a nice big, fat punishment.
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I'm sorry. Excuse me. I'm sorry. Ooh! Uh...
18:05 - 18:08
- What are you doing here? - The, uh... The boy was lookin' out for me.
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- What? - It-It's for my girlfriend. She's sick.
18:14 - 18:18
Why don't you just wait it out? She's gonna be gone soon.
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- Oh, that's it. - Hey!
18:21 - 18:23
Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?
18:23 - 18:25
- Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? - Hey! Buster!
18:25 - 18:29
What's the matter with you? Easy.
18:29 - 18:31
Is that true? Why didn't you tell me this?
18:31 - 18:33
You're always telling me to do the right thing... put family first.
18:34 - 18:37
You know, it is unbelievable that you'd ask my son to score you pot.
18:37 - 18:41
Why don't you drive him home, and you and I will talk about this later.
18:41 - 18:43
- Go ahead. Go with Buster. - I'm sorry.
18:43 - 18:46
- Hey, what are you guys doin'? - We got your signal. You flashed the lights.
18:46 - 18:50
We got the drugs. You got the money?
18:50 - 18:52
No, no. No, no, no, no. We're all good.
18:52 - 18:55
We just want the money, You wanna make this ugly?
18:55 - 18:57
We were just teaching the young fellow a lesson. We don't want any trouble with you.
18:57 - 19:00
- Thanks very much. - Do you know who you're dealin' with?
19:00 - 19:03
Drop the boxes! Put your hands in the air.
19:03 - 19:06
- What is this? - We had nothin' to do with this!
19:07 - 19:09
- You set us up! - No, no! These are just strippers!
19:09 - 19:12
- Look how hot they are! - Everybody take a breath!
19:12 - 19:15
Oh, my God! My arm!
19:25 - 19:28
Oh, my God! This guy's arm...
19:28 - 19:30
just came off and landed on the dock.
19:32 - 19:36
Michael realized that his father had, once again...
19:36 - 19:39
taught him an elaborate lesson.
19:39 - 19:41
And that's why you don't teach lessons to your son.
19:41 - 19:45
How could you do that to me?
19:45 - 19:48
I told you he's a good kid. You should try talking to him when you think he's in trouble.
19:48 - 19:51
Don't make the same mistake I did, you know... teaching lessons.
19:51 - 19:55
So you taught me a lesson not to teach lessons?
19:55 - 19:57
It was my last lesson.
19:57 - 20:00
- Back home. - Back from your wonderful time with Gangy?
20:02 - 20:06
Well, actually, it wasn't so wonderful. She can be kinda nasty.
20:06 - 20:10
But I'll tell you somethin'.
20:10 - 20:12
I'm glad you're my mom.
20:12 - 20:16
Oh, um, I got you something.
20:16 - 20:19
- You're giving me this? - You deserve it.
20:19 - 20:21
I can't believe you had to put up with her your whole life.
20:22 - 20:24
Honey, this is so sweet.
20:25 - 20:30
Let's celebrate and go shopping.
20:30 - 20:32
- You knew the whole time, didn't you? - Kind of.
20:32 - 20:36
One of the Hot Cops is my choir teacher.
20:36 - 20:38
I should learn to talk with you a little bit more, huh?
20:45 - 20:47
- I think we're okay. - We are, aren't we?
20:48 - 20:50
You can say anything to me, anything at all.
20:53 - 20:56
Like, say, I had a crush on my own cousin.
20:56 - 20:59
Hey.
21:04 - 21:07
-? Big yellowjoint The big yellowjoint? - All right. We're even.
21:10 - 21:12
? I'll meet you down at the big yellowjoint?
21:12 - 21:16