Episode 1x9 - "Storming the Castle"
Director: Greg Mottola
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
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and the one son who had no choice...
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but to keep them all together.
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Before going to work, Michael decided to have a little fun.
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I'm doing a little cost-projection analysis for a mini-mall.
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Wow. That's pretty cool you know how to do all that stuff.
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Yeah. Well, maybe your old man is just a little bit cooler than you thought he was.
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Stupid. Stupid chair. Very stupid chair.
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But it's also this stupid model home furniture.
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Maybe I oughta get myself one of those nice leather chairs from work.
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- People can take chairs home from work? - Well, not everybody.
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But I'm the president of the Bluth Company since Dad's in jail.
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It's okay if I take a little something from work, you know?
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Yeah, but isn't that why Grandpa's in jail, because he took things from work?
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You're a good kid, you know that?
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I mean, a chair costs money, so it's like stealing, and you always say...
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Not stealing. Not.
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I'm the one that taught you stealing is bad, all right?
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I'm just saying, you know, if I got a leather chair, okay?
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And I get to lean back... Oh, this one's gonna go.
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Leather chair? So, you're against stealing, but skinning cows is cool with you.
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I'm fine, by the way. Frankly, your concern is getting embarrassing.
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- Since when are you against leather? - You're not even a vegetarian.
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I'm not against the insides. People need meat to survive.
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You are aware they don't remove it from the cow surgically, right?
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Hi, Michael.
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Marta, hi. Hey, it's Marta.
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Hey, Marta, everybody. Great to see you.
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- I was just looking for Gob. - Well, you're his girlfriend.
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Michael wished Marta was his girlfriend.
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A secret he had only shared with Lindsay.
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Actually, we had a big fight. He thought I was belittling his career...
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- but I never would do that. - Neither would I. What career?
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- The magic? - Oh, the tricks. The little tricks.
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- Those are great. - Well, he didn't like my reaction to his new one.
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Real needle. Real apple.
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Real neck.
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ÉI es zombi!
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They're children! How could you do that?
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Oh, sure. First you dump all over it, now you wanna know how it's done.
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- And I wanted to apologize. - Well, he hasn't been here.
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But he said he was staying here. Oh, my God.
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- Maybe he's staying with another woman. - No, no, no. No, no.
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He is staying here. I just haven't seen him here...
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the foyer or the kitchen.
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- Well, that's a relief. - Yeah.
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- Well, tell him to call me when he gets in. - I sure will, Marta.
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- If you remember. - I will remember.
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Yeah. I'll give him the message though. Okay.
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- She's gone. - Yep. Got it.
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- You are too nice. - Oh, come on. What was I supposed to do?
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Tell her that Gob is not staying here? Tell her Gob is screwing around on her?
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God knows where he is? Actually, that-that sounded okay.
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Nah, you'll never be able to do it. You're too good.
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- You're the noble one. - Thank you.
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- The one who never wins. - l-I don't know about that.
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- The loser. The fool. - Hmm?
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She is such a hypocrite. Doesn't it drive you nuts?
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- Crazy. Wait. Who is? Which part? - My mom.
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She pretends to care about all these causes.
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Lindsay had always been celebrated...
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for her wine and cheese charity fund-raisers.
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I mean, now she's anti-leather? Let's see how she feels when her daughter's pro-leather.
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Wanna go shopping with me? I bet you could get something cool.
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In fact, George Michael had been trying to prove to Maeby...
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that he was macho, after an embarrassing brush with her.
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Your legs look exactly like mine, and I just shaved mine.
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So I'm thinking of getting a motorcycle.
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I'm gonna need a leather jacket when I'm on my hog and need to go into a controlled slide.
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There's my little girl. I've got great news. Daddy has the entire day off.
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But you have every day off. You don't have a job.
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Well... I don't need money to hang out with my daughter. Where are you going?
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- We're going shopping. - Oh, no, no. I can't do that.
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The next day, Michael was stopped on his way to work.
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- Get in. - What?
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If you care about your brother, you'll get in this car.
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- Which brother? - Gob.
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Let me be clearer.
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Tell him Rollo wants him to say good-bye to his legs.
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- Michael went looking for Gob. - Mom.
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I'm so glad you're here. I want you to help me break up your brother and his girlfriend.
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Well, I'm all for that. We've just gotta find him first.
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- He's locked on the balcony. - Oh.
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You meant Buster. I thought you were talking about Gob.
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No. I will not have Buster dating my best friend.
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since Buster had announced he'd been dating her.
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Although neither had addressed this, both had given indications of their true feelings.
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- Mom, you're ruining our fort. - I mean, she's been a family friend for years.
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It's just... creepy.
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Hi, buddy. Mom, I think you might be overreacting.
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She changed him as a baby.
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Okay. That-That's about the creepiest thing I've ever heard.
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That's why she didn't look surprised.
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You're the only child who chose a spouse I liked, and she's the one who had to die.
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I know. That's rough for you. Mom, I'm looking for Gob.
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There's some people after him, and I don't know whether it's gambling or what...
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but, um, they wanna break his legs.
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It's a good thing he's already got that little scooter.
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Oh, don't give me that look.
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I happen to be a more caring mother than most.
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- Where's my bed? - I put it in storage.
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I guess you'll just have to decide which Lucille you want to spend your nights with.
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Okay. Before I leave this place for the last time ever, has anyone seen Gob?
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I saw him last night at the Playtime Pizza Theater. On my date.
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Of which I have another one tonight.
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And I'm going to continue dating, Mom.
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Sounds a little bit like "dating Mom."
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- It's starting to feel a little like it. - Hmm.
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Lucille decided she needed the help of Buster's father.
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Unfortunately, after a recent escape attempt...
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George Sr. had been put in solitary confinement.
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Michael went to find his brother at his latest gig.
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- What's up, Mike? - Yeah. What are you doing here?
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Can't get any work, Mike. Magicians' Alliance has blackballed me...
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- from every venue in town. - Hmm.
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Even my own so-called girlfriend doesn't believe in me.
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Well, I don't wanna get into that part of your life anymore.
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Okay. Listen, I just came here to tell you that this guy named Rollo...
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pulled me over and made some threats.
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- What kind of threats? - He said to say good-bye to your legs.
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I don't know whether this guy's a mobster, a loan shark...
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- something equally scary. - A magician.
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I think you're confusing scary with silly. This guy was frightening. He was in a limo.
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No, he's a magician. He replaced me in the Alliance.
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He's the reason I gotta do my act in this hellhole.
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- Why does he wanna break your legs? - He doesn't wanna break my legs.
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- He wants to take my legs. - l-I don't...
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The legs... The bottom half of my saw-the-lady-in-half trick.
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No, not now. I'm showing him how to do the trick.
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Two chicks curl up in a box. We call one the head and one the legs.
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- So that's how they do it. - God, I gotta stop giving these things away.
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The top half there, what do you do about that?
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- I just get a volunteer from the crowd. - Oh, yeah?
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The old top half quit when she found out I was sleeping with the legs.
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I guess word really gets around in there.
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So Rollo wants your legs, but you're cheating on Marta with those legs.
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Would you give me a break, please? The legs are insanely jealous.
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Is that why you haven't seen Marta for the past few days? This is about your love life.
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I can't believe it. Just forget it. I came here to try to help...
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- Hey, I appreciate your time. - Great. Great.
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You know what, Gob?
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Marta is a once-in-a-lifetime woman. She's a treasure.
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And I don't think you're showing her enough respect, okay?
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She doesn't respect my career.
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Okay.
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He's having sex with a woman in his act?
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I gotta tell Marta what's going on.
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First of all, she'll hate you for it. It's called shoot the messenger.
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Secondly, it's not in your nature. I mean, you're like Mr. Morals.
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- You can't even take a desk chair. - Damn it.
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l-I'm a saint, you know? I'm a living saint, and I get absolutely nothing out of it.
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Well, you get a false feeling of superiority.
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I know. That is nice, but this time, it's not enough.
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Why do I always have to be the one that has to set the good example for everyone?
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- Hey, guys. - Oh, that's why.
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- Hey, Mom. - Hey, honey.
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Moo?
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Mmm. Moo, honey.
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You have to be some sort of she hulk to get this.
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- You just gotta really dig. - Well, it's not... enjoy...
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Oh, Maeby, great news. I got my hands on some money.
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I can't say how or when... or where my wedding ring is...
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but, my purse overfloweth as do my high spirits...
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- so a-shopping we must go. - Dad, we already went.
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That's why we're wearing all this leather. I'm really into leather.
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- Tell Mom. - Yes.
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- If you ever need to borrow any money or anything... - No. Thank you, no.
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So Tobias chose to pursue a common interest with his daughter.
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- May I help you? - I hope so. Um, I'm looking for something that says...
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- "Dad likes leather." - Something that says, "leather daddy"?
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Oh, is there such a thing?
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Later that day, Michael got a surprise visit.
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- Marta. What are you doing here? - I was looking for Gob.
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- He said he was working here today. - Oh, yes? Please.
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He said that, huh? Said that he's working, huh? Wow. Here?
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What else did he say? Did he tell you I gave him your message?
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- Not that I'm the messenger, you know? - He told me.
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I don't know what you said to him, but it really turned him around.
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- He said I was a treasure. - She's a treasure.
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And a once-in-a-lifetime woman. - Mm-hmm.
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Listen, Marta, Gob is...
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- a poet. - Mm.
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He's touched. I'm gonna tell him that you stopped by...
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- and, uh, you have a nice day. - Thank you.
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You're such a good brother. Always trying to help him.
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- He showed me the watch you gave him. - The watch?
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I appreciate your time.
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And so, for the first time, Michael set a plan in motion...
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to take something that didn't belong to him.
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You know, I was thinking, I'd like to help you guys out one more time.
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You know what you should do? You should surprise Gob onstage.
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- I know that he's looking for a new assistant. - Really?
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- Mm-hmm. - Could you help me with that?
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- Yes. - You really are a good guy, Michael.
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Well, you can't change who you are.
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Michael went to the popular magic parlor...
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Michael went to the popular magic parlor...
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the Gothic Castle, to ask a favor of Rollo.
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I was wondering if, uh... if you would give my brother a show?
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One more chance to get back in with the Alliance. That's all I ask.
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And-And you will get your legs back.
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How?
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You're asking me to reveal my trick?
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So Michael went to give his brother the good news.
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- Really, tomorrow night? - Yeah. You just gotta make sure you do the sawing in half trick.
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- I don't even have a top half. - Don't worry about that.
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I got someone I want you to use. She's perfect. A great girl. You're doing me a favor.
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- Has she got big cans? - I'll see ya there, Gob.
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- You're a good brother. - You're a horrible brother, Michael.
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Pretty good, huh?
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You're gonna put Marta onstage with the legs?
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It's gonna blow up. Legs get upset. Marta gets upset.
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Marta leaves Gob, and I don't get shot.
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You'll never be able to pull the trigger on this.
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- You can't escape it, Michael. You're the good guy. - Call me what you want.
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- An impotent man-boy? - But it is done. The plan is in motion.
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- This just isn't you. - It's me now. It's the me that can recline.
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- Did that hurt? - No.
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This stuff's kind of hot, isn't it?
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- I hadn't noticed. - Hey, gang.
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Mind if squeeze in here for a moment? Oh!
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Look at us. Who'd wanna mess with any of us, huh?
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- Excuse me. - Yes. Oop.
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- Did you get a job or something? - No. No, I didn't.
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Unless you consider "World's Coolest Daddy" a job.
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If l...
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- Hey, Dad. - Hey, buddy. You're still wearing that jacket, huh?
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- Yeah. I was just going for a new look. - Yeah?
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Trying to introduce some edge to the whole palette.
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- Hmm. Kind of liked you the way you were. - You did?
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Yeah. I mean, we can't really change who we are anyway, right?
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Wish you'd told me that before I threw away my Windbreaker.
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- Oh, you bought a chair. - Uh, no, actually, I borrowed it. Like we talked about.
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Well, I thought we decided that was like stealing.
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Is that where we landed on that?
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As Michael was becoming more selfish...
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his father was choosing a more pious path.
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Which made Buster and Lucille's visit go much differently than planned.
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Why is there a piece of shoe on your head?
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This is a... Well, it's a reminder that the divine presence...
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is always above me.
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Well, more importantly, Buster's been humping the widow Austero.
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- Mom. - Is that true?
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No. We're taking it slow.
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He stays there sometimes until 7:00, 8:00 at night.
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Peanut brittle on his breath. Is she the one who's going to take him to the dentist?
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She already has.
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- What? - "May you live. May you be well. I give you my blessing."
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- Wow! Really? - Are you out of your mind?
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- Just follow the heart that God gave you, hmm? - No touching.
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No...
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Can you get me some of that peanut brittle?
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On the night of the show, the family arrived at the Gothic Castle...
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and in the green room, Michael was preparing Marta for the trick.
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At the bottom of the box. And you two guys are free to talk.
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Okay. Gob, Gob, Gob.
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What is going on? Where's the top half?
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I have to teach her this trick. She's gotta fold her knees.
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It's a fantastic trick. I don't want you to worry though. I've already told her.
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Now where are the legs? Are they running late?
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- So is everyone here? - I think so. I haven't seen Tobias.
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In fact, Tobias had intended to come...
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but had a slight miscommunication with his cabdriver.
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- Where to, mate? - The Gothic Castle.
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- Gothic Asshole? - That's what I said.
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And ended up in the wrong location.
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Oh, I am glad I didn't go with that outfit.
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Yes, hello. I am looking for the magic.
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Danke schön.
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Oh. Hello, Lucille.
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Hello, Lucille. Having a good time with my son?
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- Actually, we're having a wonderful time. - You know, he's damaged goods.
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- He was born with a hole in his heart. - Now listen to me, Lucille.
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- I'm gonna fill that hole, 'cause we're in love. - Oh, please.
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You're no more in love with him than I am.
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Okay. We're all saying some things we're going to regret.
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Meanwhile, Gob was almost ready to begin his show.
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Okay. It's magic time.
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- Hey, good luck out there now. - Listen, I got you something...
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for being such a good guy... not that it's a surprise, you always are.
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Oh, well, uh...
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- My watch. - I want you to have it.
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Well, you've stolen so many things from me over the years.
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This is the first time you've ever given something back.
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I wanna try to be a better brother, like you are to me.
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We're ready for you.
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Gob...
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have a good show out there.
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Ladies and gentlemen, a magician named Gob.
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- Dad? - Hey, George Michael.
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- Where's the leather jacket? - It's like you said... you can't change who you are.
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So what? So I don't have any hair on my arms or legs. So what?
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You know, a leather jacket's not gonna change that.
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You know, I was trying to act like a tough guy, and it's wrong.
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- I'm just a boring, old nice guy like you. - I'm not that nice.
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Dad, if this is about the chair... I've been thinking.
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You deserve it. You know, it's not like you'd ever steal something big.
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Michael was having second thoughts about his plan.
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But then he got some unexpected help.
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Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt. You'd better tell Gob, the legs aren't coming.
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- Oh, my God. - I can't believe the legs would screw him like this.
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This is his one last chance. They'll never let him in the Alliance again.
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You have to do something. This is so important to me and Gob.
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Where am I gonna get a pair of beautiful women's legs on such short notice?
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So, the trick went forward as planned.
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And now, my, hopefully, lovely assistant will join me.
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Wiggle those sexy gams, lady.
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I'm okay with myself. I'm okay with myself.
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Mom, did you see it? I'm back in.
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I've got the career back.
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- Thank you for coming. - And when Lucille noticed...
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how happy Marta had made Gob, she realized how important love was to her children.
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- Mom. - Hello, Buster.
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If you're still mad, I don't care. I'm in love.
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I actually came to ask Lucille something.
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- What? - I was wondering...
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if you'd like to play bridge with me next week?
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I'd absolutely adore it. Oh, Lucille.
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Oh, God. Look at us, Buster.
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We're back together again. Lucille and Lucille.
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You guys are friends again. You can play bridge together.
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Could you just... just separate?
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Michael watched as the brother he swore to stop helping...
20:19 - 20:24
enjoyed the girlfriend he helped him reunite with.
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And so he returned to work, accepting the fact that he was a good guy.
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But not as good as everyone thought.
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This really worked better with the chair.
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On the next Arrested Development.
20:47 - 20:48
The Alliance decides to let Gob back in.
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Tell me, how'd you get two Alliance-approved assistants with such short notice?
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That was just my girlfriend and my nephew.
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Well, you're out.
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- And Tobias gets some good news. - I got a gig.
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