Episode 1x7 - "In God We Trust"
Director: Joe Russo
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:00 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
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but to keep them all together.
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It's Arrested Development.
00:13 - 00:15
Michael Bluth was fed up with his mother's extravagant spending.
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Hey, Mom. Remember we had that conversation about trying to...
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cut back on things that aren't necessities?
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- Like it was yesterday. - It was this morning...
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and now I hear that you've hired a crew for the yacht.
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- I'm selling that yacht. - Michael, you haven't heard why I want it.
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To throw the most lavish party this town has ever seen for my birthday.
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I enjoy bicentennials as much as the next guy, Mom, but we're not doing that.
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My neighbor Lucille Austero is constantly throwing parties for herself.
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- She's having another one in a week. - I'm not going to that.
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Buster had been avoiding Lucille Austero...
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since he accidentally flirted with her while not wearing his glasses.
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And then accidentally bid on her at a charity bachelorette auction.
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- Ten thousand dollars! - Buster.
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And then accidentally entered her apartment, thinking it was his mother's.
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I need you right now.
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Fellas, take a powder.
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Oh, here comes the 10:15 conniption, right on time.
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Honest to God, Buster, it's like every little thing makes you seize up in terror lately.
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I have no idea where you get that from.
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Get away from that stove. You're going to light your hair on fire.
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He's weak.
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Speaking of weak, Mom, what do you got in there, gold bars?
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Protein bars for your father. He's pumping up in prison.
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- No more parties. Okay, Mom? - You're my third least-favorite child.
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I can live with that.
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Michael came home to find his mother's fourth least-favorite child.
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- Heard you're selling the yacht. - Yeah. I had a couple in there this morning.
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Yeah, I know.
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Well, they got the Asian right.
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"Hotties" might be a stretch.
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Well, let's start with the little one.
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- You're not staying on the yacht, are you? - What do you want me to do?
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- Live full-time with Marta? - Or break up with her.
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I'm sure there'd be somebody else out there that would appreciate her.
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In fact, Michael felt that man was himself.
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He had become infatuated with his brother's girlfriend...
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and was having difficulty keeping his love a secret.
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You have 48 hours to vacate the yacht.
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Guys, I've got a great idea. I wanna throw Mom a party.
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Would you... I just told Mom no more parties.
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I know, Michael. That's why this is the perfect opportunity to throw her a surprise party.
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- She'd never suspect it. - Is this her suggestion?
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No. I just think it's important to honor your parents.
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Why don't you start by visiting Dad in jail? You've never even been there.
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Michael, do you have any idea what would happen if I were to visit prison?
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- Hmm. - It would be pandemonium.
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- Mm-hmm. - It'd just give Dad one more reason to think...
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that I've got nothing to offer but my looks.
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Yeah, I got some of that... except he also didn't like my looks.
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Okay, Michael. I will go visit Dad...
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if you drive Mom to the restaurant for the surprise party.
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I'll just pretend that I'm taking her out that evening.
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- Come on. That would never happen. - She can't drive herself.
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- I mean, she's the world's worst driver. - Lindsay was not exaggerating.
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Lucille had recently been featured on Fox's World's Worst Drivers.
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Yeah. I can't believe she got that driver's license renewed.
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She didn't. I dummied her up a new one.
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Not my best work though. She wanted to look 48.
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I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion.
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We ended up checking "Albino" on the form.
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Come on, Michael. Who knows how long our parents are going to be around.
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I gotta tell ya. I was over at her place today, and she looked a little frail.
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She was having trouble even lifting up this bag of groceries.
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All right. We will do the surprise party.
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For Gangy?
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- Yeah, how did you know? - She called and invited us.
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- Okay, so it was her idea. - We don't have to go, do we?
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Come on. This is a Bluth family celebration. It's no place for children.
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And Lindsay went to the prison to visit her father for the first time.
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But didn't get the reception she was expecting.
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I wanna thank you for coming here. It took a lot of guts.
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The reason I'm here today is because I felt that I needed to say something.
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- Oh, okay. - My whole life...
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all you've ever praised me for is my looks.
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- Oh, no. Your looks... - Yes, Dad.
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I mean, it's always been Michael's got the brains...
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Gob's got the charm, Buster's got the...
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- High-fastening pants. - Have you said that?
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No. I'm saying that now.
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So, anyway. Look, if you're wondering why I haven't visited...
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maybe it's because I wanted to be thought of as more than just a beautiful face.
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And a gorgeous head of hair.
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Lindsay was surprised once again that no heads were turned.
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I'm gonna go shopping. I'll be back tomorrow.
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George Michael was finally moving beyond his crush on Maeby...
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George Michael was finally moving beyond his crush on Maeby...
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and felt happy to have a cousin he couldjust see a movie with.
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It was a love between two cousins that the world thought was wrong.
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But it was the world that was wrong.
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- We have got to see this movie. - Excuse me, kids?
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Can I see your I.D.'s?
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And Michael was driving his mother to her surprise party.
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Where on earth are we going?
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I'd be happy to drive if you want me to.
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It's better than sitting here with Buster's stupid rock behind me.
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Buster had recently brought the rock home...
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from an archeological dig, but had yet to find a way to get it out of the car.
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Mom, you've already got two strikes on your record.
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You strike one more person, and it's technically a spree.
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Are we going to the back? Is this what I think it is?
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- Surprise! - And she was surprised...
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- that her family didn't show up. - So this is what my children think of me.
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Where the... was everybody?
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- What are you talking about? - Mom's party. Where were you guys?
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It's the first I've heard about it.
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- What about you? Neiman's? - Prison.
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Then Neiman's. But only because I'm going back to prison, and they've seen me in this.
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Buster? You of all people. Where were you, buddy?
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You barely even leave Mom's apartment.
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In fact, Buster was worried about running into Lucille 2.
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So he never left his mother's apartment.
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Lucille 2 was also supposed to go, but was waiting until she saw Buster emerge.
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Tonight, Mother was humiliated.
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And I wanna throw her another surprise party... a real one.
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One where she's not the one that's yelling "Surprise."
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- Mom yelled "Surprise"? - Yeah. She went from giddy to devastated.
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I mean, it would've been funny if it wasn't so...
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Well, it was kind of funny.
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She couldn't open a jar? What, did a clump of her hair come out in your hands?
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No. It was something that she said at dinner.
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It's dry.
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You know, Mom, I'm sorry you're upset. But, you know...
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if you were nicer, then maybe your kids would take better care of you, you know?
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Or-Or wanna be with you more.
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I've been a horrible mother.
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No, Mom. You're great.
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You've been a great mother.
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- Well, you know she's been a horrible mother, right? - You don't have to tell me.
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But what was I gonna say? All right? So, it's a party.
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I mean, if you're not gonna do it for Mom, do it for me.
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Okay. But I think a party's a little excessive.
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Um, is it okay if I do it for Mom and not you?
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- Yeah. - 'Cause I really like Mom.
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We know.
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The next day, Buster decided it was time to deal with...
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the situation with Lucille Austero.
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I've already got a Lucille in my life.
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I understand. That's healthy.
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I didn't mean to lead you on.
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- Oh, Buster. I feel so foolish. - No.
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Yes. I'm foolish and I'm funny and I'm needy.
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- Am I needy? - No.
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Are you sure I'm not needy? 'Cause I feel needy sometimes.
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You know, we're probably not that different, you and me.
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You and I. Is it "l" or is it "me"?
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- Buster, it's us. - Yes. It is us. Us.
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Under the pretense of driving his mother somewhere else...
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Michael, once again, arrived at the restaurant.
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Michael, did you do this again?
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- Surprise! - And once again, no one showed up.
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Get up.
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I told you. They don't support me.
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I sat down and I told them this was important to me.
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- You did that for me? - I let you drive, didn't I?
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Yes, you did, Michael, and I'm loving it.
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You're a good son. You always do things for others.
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You're the only one holding this family together.
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And you see a lot more than I give you credit for, Mom.
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You're not just concerned with yourself. You care about the family.
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It's an idiot on a scooter at night? It's gotta be Gob.
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- No, Mom. I don't think we should. - A nice little scare.
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Hey, big shot, too busy to go to your mother's party?
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Mom, that is not Gob. Mom! Mom!
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You okay, sir?
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Yeah. I guess. How's my mom? She's so frail.
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I'm fine. I'm fine. I was thrown clear.
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I only care about you.
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- How are you feeling? - Actually, my head does not hurt at all.
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- What did you give me? - Your mother asked me to pump you full of...
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- Children's aspirin. - Okay.
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You know, it's funny. I remember, um, leaving the restaurant.
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And then, uh, I was driving, I guess.
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l-I just... I cannot picture it.
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That's pretty common, actually.
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It's just short-term memory loss from the bump on the back of your head.
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I can't believe I did this. My insurance rates are gonna go through the roof.
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That's not what matters now. Here, get comfortable. Scoot up.
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"Scoot"? Scooter. Was there a scooter involved?
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Oh, dear. I can't believe I did that.
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- I am so sorry. I'll get you some air. - I hardly felt it.
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In fact, actually, uh, I didn't feel it.
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What was that?
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Buster, you remember when we were kissing last night?
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It was a wild, wild ride.
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But is this something we can do?
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Is this something society will allow?
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I don't care what other people think.
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My God, for the first time in years I felt like I was standing on solid ground.
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You know, my panic attacks have decreased.
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I feel confident. I'm feeling proud even.
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I mean, for the first time in my life...
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I'll call Dr. Miller.
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Oh. Excuse me.
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Hello. Oh, my God. I'm getting my gauze.
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You know, I should call George Michael. I'm worried about my son.
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I'm worried about my son. George Michael will be fine with his aunt and uncle.
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I want you resting, not using the phone.
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- Let me take care of you. - You know, you really are more generous than I can remember.
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But that's what a parent does, huh? You put your kid first?
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Rest up, sweetie. You gave me quite a scare.
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Scare. Did somebody say, "Let's give him a sc..."
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What is the matter with me? Clumsy Clara.
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Totally cool. Didn't feel a thing. You know, Mom, I'm crazy about this aspirin.
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I can't believe we give it to children.
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Gob, meanwhile, was being visited by Michael's son, George Michael.
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Michael? George Michael.
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- You've gotta go. - Wait.
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Uncle Gob, is this a bad time?
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No. Are you kidding? So, what's up?
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I, uh, need you to make some fake I.D.'s for me and Maeby.
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- Like a passport? - Yeah, yeah. That'd be great.
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Oh, and, uh, preferably French. I like the way they think.
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Look, I don't want you thinking that your uncle is some sleazy character from the docks.
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- Good morning. - How are you?
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She's an Olympian... hopeful.
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Swimming and some coaching. Yes, I will make the I.D.'s for you.
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But we're gonna have to make this quick. Your dad wants me out of here by noon.
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I wouldn't worry about him. He's staying at Gangy's.
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Yeah, he got in a car accident on the way back from her birthday party.
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- Man, I told him not to let her drive. - No. It was him driving.
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She's taking good care of him too. She won't even let him use the phone.
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- So you're telling me that he can't go anywhere and he's incommunicado? - Right.
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That's when Gob decided to take the yacht to South America for the summer.
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I gotta alert this boat's crew.
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They'll be devastated.
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Lindsay put on her new outfit and returned to prison.
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Back at Lucille's, Michael was still piecing together the accident.
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- Hey, Buster. - Hey, brother.
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- Dr. Miller? - Yeah.
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I just jumped through a plate glass window on a date.
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Oh. Well, women love to laugh.
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It was worth it to be away from Mom's controlling grasp.
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Buster, what's going on? What happened to your head?
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Nothing. Gob was just teaching me how to hit it with a hammer.
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Gob was there.
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Gob was on his scooter.
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I think I wanted to hit Gob.
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Yes. That is exactly what happened. You wanted to give Gob a scare.
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I don't know why.
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I think I do.
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Thanks, Mom.
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George Sr. was once again being visited by his daughter.
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That's it. I don't want... You can't... I don't...
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Please, you gotta stop coming here.
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It is obvious I'm not wearing a bra, right?
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I can't take this anymore. I, um... Uh, I'm paying far too big a price for this.
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Well, what about me? This is the third time I've come here.
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- I haven't even been remotely harassed. - That is not what I'm paying for.
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Have I lost it? Did I ever even have it?
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I'm paying thousands of dollars in Krugerrands.
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- What? - Gold. Krugerrands.
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Your mother snuck 'em in here stuffed in energy bar wrappers...
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to keep me from getting strangled in the shower or worse.
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- Stabbed? - In a way.
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I used them to pay off the other guys.
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To stop them from hollering obscenities at my... my little girl.
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But you keep coming back here, honey, and I'm going broke.
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That's all I ever wanted from you, Daddy.
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For you to spend money on me.
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No touching!
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Gob, I want you to move back on to the yacht.
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The yacht? What makes you think I'd want to now?
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Well, I know that you've been looking for...
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What was that?
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The truth is, I can wait on selling the yacht. It's just money, right?
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Wow. How hard did you hit that steering wheel?
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- I actually hit the back of my head. - The back of your head?
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Yeah. Gob, the accident only happened because...
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I was trying to scare you.
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- Maybe even hurt you. - That doesn't sound like you.
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It sounds like Mom.
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Can we please just lay off Mom for a change?
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She's the one that helped me remember what happened. I'm the bad guy here. Not her.
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And definitely not you, so, would you please just take the yacht?
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I'll think about it.
17:47 - 17:50
South America sounds good.
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But a chance to expose Mom?
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- Turn this skiff around. - We haven't even left the dock.
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But "skiff" is appropriate, right?
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Gob rushed to shore to spare his brother...
18:07 - 18:10
from what he was certain were his mother's machinations.
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- What are you doing? - Hey. Open this door.
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- You've been set up. - Michael!
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There's no way you were trying to hurt me. You don't hate me.
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Mom hates me. You kind of like me.
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- Yeah. I kind of like you. - Yeah.
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- Michael, I need your help. - Coming.
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- Ow! I got hit back there. - Right!
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On the back of the head, which means that you couldn't have hit the steering wheel.
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Mom must have clubbed you with a champagne bottle or something so she could drive.
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- Gob, how'd you figure it out? - It's funny you should ask that...
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No. He didn't figure anything out.
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I probably got hit on the back of the head because of Buster's rock.
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Hey, big shot!
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Which was behind the passenger seat.
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Which means that she picked you up and dragged you over to the driver's seat.
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Mom can't pick me up. She could barely pick up that bag of protein bars.
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Guess what? They weren't protein bars.
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They were gold Krugerrands. And Dad finally paid attention to my intellect.
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- Open this door! - Gob, this is nuts.
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Mother is frail.
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- Stop this nonsense this instant! - You set him up, Mom.
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I was halfway to South America, but I couldn't let you get away with it...
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because we're brothers, Mom, and we kind of like each other.
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- You were going to South America? - I don't think so.
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Mom, you and I were getting along so well. I was thinking so highly of you.
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How could you make me think this was all my fault?
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Because if you knew it was my fault, you would've turned against me.
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And I had finally gotten you on my side. You were sticking up for me.
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l-I don't even remember you ever doing that before.
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I just want my children to love me.
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Stop lying. Stop manipulating. Just be nicer.
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But...
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You're right.
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I'm a horrible mother.
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- No, no, Mom. You're great. - That's crazy talk.
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- You're a fantastic mother. - I can't believe what I'm hearing, Mother.
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Oh, we do. We really love you.
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On the next Arrested Development.
20:23 - 20:25
George Michael and Maeby sneak back into Les Cousins Dangereux.
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Excuse me. You're too young to be holding that ticket.
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- Let's go. - I can't go to jail.
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- Let's just watch cartoons. - Sir, we will not be starting with Les Cousins...
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- until you leave. - Excuse me, but I thought my A.A.R.P. card...
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- was good for one and a guest. - You know what? I knew society would never accept this.
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And they never will. - Michael's insurance takes another hit.
20:45 - 20:50
Ow!
20:53 - 20:57
I was definitely driving that time.
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