Episode 1x5 - "Charity Drive"
Director: Greg Mottola
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:01 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
00:04 - 00:06
but to keep them all together.
00:06 - 00:08
Michael Bluth was visiting his father in prison...
00:18 - 00:22
anxious to get to the bottom of some mysterious bookkeeping.
00:22 - 00:24
It just doesn't make any sense, Dad.
00:24 - 00:26
Where did this money come from? Why did it end up in the international accounts file?
00:26 - 00:30
George Sr. was also anxious, but less about the bookkeeping.
00:30 - 00:33
This game is never gonna happen. Half of these guys are still in their cuffs.
00:33 - 00:36
I hate to be a buzzkill, but I'm trying to get you out of here.
00:36 - 00:38
Well, I'm trying to get us out of last place, Michael. We're playing Rahway next week.
00:38 - 00:42
Word has it that they're getting Jose Canseco.
00:42 - 00:45
I'm starting to wonder why I even bother coming.
00:45 - 00:48
- Bluth! Right field! - That is ridiculous.
00:48 - 00:50
- You won't even talk to me! - I'm catcher, or I'm nothing!
00:50 - 00:53
Michael returned to work...
00:55 - 00:57
where his assistant, Kitty, greeted him with some startling news.
00:57 - 01:00
Your wife's on line one.
01:00 - 01:02
Michael's wife had been dead for two years. - My what?
01:02 - 01:05
- Kitty realized her mistake. - I said, your wife is on line one.
01:05 - 01:08
But not immediately.
01:08 - 01:10
Oh! Oh, God.
01:10 - 01:12
I'm sorry. George's wife. Your mother.
01:12 - 01:16
I'm so used to being George's assistant.
01:16 - 01:19
Kitty had been George Sr.'s fiercely loyal assistant for years.
01:19 - 01:22
And Michael suspected that she had the information he needed.
01:27 - 01:30
Hey, Kitty, listen, you wouldn't know...
01:30 - 01:33
if we had any documentation on these international accounts, would you?
01:33 - 01:36
That's actually not any of your business.
01:36 - 01:39
My business. That's not any of my business.
01:40 - 01:43
Hey, Mom.
01:45 - 01:47
Are you aware we've been downgraded to being just pool members at the club now?
01:47 - 01:50
Yeah, it's a real shame what's going on with this family.
01:50 - 01:53
You're stuck by the pool, and Dad's getting picked last for softball.
01:53 - 01:56
Nonetheless, you can free up a little company money to get back our golf privileges.
01:56 - 02:00
No, I can't. Mom, you don't even play golf.
02:00 - 02:02
No, but I use the clubhouse dining room... until I was turned away today.
02:02 - 02:06
It's embarrassing... Take it back!
02:06 - 02:08
If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear!
02:08 - 02:13
You should see the looks I'm getting.
02:14 - 02:17
If you can't free up the cash, have your father call the club president.
02:17 - 02:20
I've got news for you, Mom... I'm not visiting Dad in jail anymore.
02:20 - 02:24
No, I've had it.
02:24 - 02:26
I'm down there every single day trying to do what I can to get this company back on track...
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and he barely even acknowledges me.
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That is disgusting!
02:32 - 02:34
Talk to your father. I will not stand for this!
02:34 - 02:38
Gob!
02:40 - 02:42
Can I, uh... get you to stop doing that?
02:42 - 02:46
I'm just setting up an office.
02:46 - 02:48
Gotta write a strongly worded letter to one Warden James Buck.
02:48 - 02:52
In order to restore his career as an escape artist...
02:52 - 02:55
Gob had recently checked into prison as a publicity stunt.
02:55 - 02:58
And yet the warden had refused to acknowledge the legitimacy of the escape.
03:11 - 03:15
So I am going after this guy with everything I've got...
03:15 - 03:19
art.
03:19 - 03:21
Now we are writing a letter.
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Gob?
03:23 - 03:26
I wish I would've known you were coming. I am a mess.
03:26 - 03:30
Don't know if a call from me would've changed that.
03:30 - 03:32
Do you like my outfit?
03:32 - 03:34
Not as much as I like what's underneath it.
03:34 - 03:37
Gob!
03:37 - 03:39
No, I need your chair. Get up. I've got a letter to write.
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Whoo! You're all business.
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just like your dad.
03:45 - 03:47
My God, she's repulsive.
03:47 - 03:50
Michael realized that Kitty's obvious attraction to Gob...
03:50 - 03:54
could perhaps be of use to him.
03:54 - 03:56
How would you like a touch lamp?
03:56 - 03:58
You're the one who needs therapy!
03:58 - 04:00
Meanwhile, Lindsay and Tobias prepared for their first session with a therapist.
04:00 - 04:03
Yes, Tobias, I want the marriage to work.
04:03 - 04:06
I just don't know if therapy is the answer.
04:06 - 04:08
Because you didn't respect my old career, and you certainly don't respect my new one!
04:08 - 04:11
You don't have a new one!
04:11 - 04:13
Things had been tense since Tobias left his psychiatry practice...
04:13 - 04:17
to pursue an acting career.
04:17 - 04:19
- I have needs, you know. - And how I am not addressing your needs?
04:21 - 04:24
- How can you even ask that? What is this? - Oh! Go right to that!
04:24 - 04:28
Good. Go right there. Real mature. Really great.
04:29 - 04:32
Okay, kids, Mommy and Daddy are going out for ice cream.
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- Can we come? - Sorry. It's not for kids.
04:37 - 04:40
- Now we have to follow them. - Yeah.
04:44 - 04:46
What?
04:46 - 04:49
Okay, so, why are we doing this?
04:49 - 04:52
'Cause it's obvious they're lying. Come on, drive!
04:52 - 04:55
- Well, what if they see us? - How are they gonna see us?
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It says "Bluth Company" right on the side.
04:58 - 05:00
Plus, it's a stairway. That's gonna catch the eye.
05:00 - 05:04
Also, that House of Pies that went out ofbusiness.
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You are scared. I knew it.
05:13 - 05:16
No, I'm not scared. It's just that... I have plans later.
05:16 - 05:19
l-I'm visiting Pop-Pop.
05:19 - 05:21
You visit Pop-Pop?
05:21 - 05:23
In fact, he'd been terrified of the very notion of prison...
05:23 - 05:26
since, as a young boy, he accidentally watched HBO's Oz...
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mistaking it for the classic Judy Garland musical.
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- I'm an innocent man! - Eat it, bitch!
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- Lots of times. - What's it like?
05:35 - 05:37
You know what you should do? You should go get your mom's date book.
05:38 - 05:41
Oh, yeah. She must have written down where they're going.
05:41 - 05:44
- I still wanna hear about prison, okay? - If you can handle it.
05:44 - 05:47
Michael arrived home in a good mood.
05:49 - 05:52
With Gob getting the information from Kitty...
05:52 - 05:54
he would no longer have to visit prison and deal with his father.
05:54 - 05:57
Hey, buddy! Came home early.
05:57 - 06:00
Wanna do somethin'? Anything. Anything at all.
06:00 - 06:02
I wanna visit Pop-Pop in prison.
06:02 - 06:05
Back at the office, Gob was making progress with Michael's assistant.
06:08 - 06:12
Here's where we keep all of our... heavyweight paper.
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Bet you can show me where a lot of things are.
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What kind of things are you... looking for?
06:19 - 06:25
What, uh... What are you hiding?
06:25 - 06:28
Nothing you can't find.
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Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait. Take off your glasses.
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Oh.
06:36 - 06:38
Wait, wait. Let down your hair.
06:38 - 06:41
No. Glasses on. Hair back up. Let's just get that hair right back up.
06:46 - 06:50
- Do you want me to turn all the lights off? - Yes, yes, please.
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How's that? Is that better?
06:53 - 06:55
There's still light coming in from under the door.
06:55 - 06:57
And Lindsay and Tobias were, for the first time...
06:58 - 07:00
addressing their marital problems.
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It's like we're face to face now...
07:01 - 07:04
like we're really seeing this marriage and...
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I'm afraid it's a lie.
07:07 - 07:10
Bravo. If I gave a performance that good, I'd have my own Alias type show.
07:14 - 07:18
Stop it. I am so sick of hearing about acting, acting, acting!
07:18 - 07:23
Okay, okay, look, maybe we need a new approach.
07:23 - 07:26
Um... let's try some role playing.
07:26 - 07:30
Yes! All right.
07:30 - 07:32
Michael headed back to the prison...
07:34 - 07:36
despite his earlier vow never to return.
07:36 - 07:38
You always say family first. I should see my grandpa, right?
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I'm not stopping you. It's just, after this I'm not going back there.
07:42 - 07:45
Why? Is it scary?
07:45 - 07:47
Scary? No. No.
07:47 - 07:49
It's the opposite of scary. It's like a carnival.
07:49 - 07:53
Without the half-person on the skateboard that grabbed your knee to steady himself.
07:53 - 07:57
It's like a country club. All the guy does is eat ice cream and play softball all day.
07:57 - 08:02
In fact, George Sr.'s softball game had taken most of the day.
08:02 - 08:07
It was the 14th inning, and tensions were running a little high.
08:07 - 08:10
I'll give you a thousand bucks, you call the next one a strike. My knees are killing me.
08:10 - 08:15
No batter! No batter here!
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- Strike three! - Strike three, my ass!
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Ohh!
08:21 - 08:23
Down in the yard!
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No batter. No... No batter.
08:26 - 08:28
No... Shh.
08:29 - 08:31
Okay, there he is. Go on in there and surprise him.
08:32 - 08:35
I'm gonna go get us a few ice cream sandwiches.
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Go on. Go on.
08:38 - 08:40
Hey, Pop-Pop.
08:43 - 08:45
- How's prison? - I'm gonna die in here.
08:45 - 08:48
What?
08:48 - 08:51
They're gonna kill Grandpa.
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I gotta... I gotta get outta here. I'm an innocent man.
08:53 - 08:56
You gotta help Pop-Pop get outta here. Give me your hair.
08:56 - 08:59
- My hair? - Give Pop-Pop your hair!
08:59 - 09:01
- No touching! No touching! No touching! - Give me the hair!
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One of these got smooshed, but don't let that ruin prison for you.
09:05 - 09:09
No batter. No batter. No batter.
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Come on, baby! Throw the ball!
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I'm sure your grandfather was just kidding around. You know his sense of humor.
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I know, I know. Yeah.
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I don't... I don't totally get the hair joke, but I'm fine, Dad.
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Are you sure?
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I am gonna head back in, though. I'm gonna see if Pop-Pop's got any more zingers.
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Just stay out here and relax, pal.
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Watch the softball game. I'll be right back.
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Hey, stop! Stop!
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Dad?
09:53 - 09:55
just don't like prison anymore.
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That's why I'm trying to get you out of here.
09:57 - 10:00
Maybe I've been in denial, but this place is breaking me, Mikey...
10:00 - 10:03
and I'm alone here, but for you.
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Come on. You got me, you got Mom.
10:05 - 10:08
Your mother's never shown her face.
10:08 - 10:10
Whoa. She's never been here?
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You should've heard the grief she gave me when I said I'd never show up again.
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You said... You said what?
10:15 - 10:18
Dad, you don't need me. You're playing softball all the time.
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I do need you, Michael!
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- No more softball. - This is nuts.
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You're her husband. The least she could do is come out and visit you.
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God, you know your mom. This isn't her crowd. She's very easily threatened.
10:29 - 10:32
You remember the carjacker?
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- Aaah! - Well, she's certainly toughened up since then.
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She's eating lunch by the pool now.
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There's a big difference between the country club pool and the conjugal trailer.
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That's not what I meant when I said "visit."
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It's too bad. I really miss that personal contact.
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It was the one thing that calmed me when I got stressed.
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It just felt... humanizing.
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Michael, for the first time...
10:58 - 11:00
saw his father as a vulnerable human being.
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Daddy horny, Michael.
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I just haven't had sex in a month.
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You've been here two months.
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It's hard to gauge time.
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Yeah, I'll bet.
11:17 - 11:19
Hey, Mom. I went to visit Dad today.
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Quick question. How long does it take you to get out there?
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Oh, I've never been.
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Then why does he tell me that you've never been?
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Ooh. Sorry, Michael.
11:29 - 11:31
Pool food. My system's not used to curly fries.
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How can you ignore that man?
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He's having a hard time in there. He's lonely.
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That's what his children are for.
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Yeah, well, you know...
11:42 - 11:45
there are certain things that...
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he can't get from his children.
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If you're going to say "pride," you're wrong. He is proud of his children.
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Wasn't gonna say pride, Mom.
11:53 - 11:55
Uh, listen, l-l-I think that, um...
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I think that you should...
11:59 - 12:02
Oh, I can't believe I'm gonna say this.
12:02 - 12:04
I think that you should...
12:04 - 12:06
visit him...
12:06 - 12:08
in an... intimate...
12:08 - 12:12
marital... trailer.
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Are you mad?
12:17 - 12:19
You think I'm comfortable asking you to do this? He needs you, Mom.
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Did he say that?
12:23 - 12:25
Did he say that he misses me?
12:27 - 12:29
Does he need his wife's embrace?
12:29 - 12:31
Daddy horny, Michael.
12:31 - 12:33
He said some wonderful things.
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You really want this for him, don't you?
12:35 - 12:38
I do.
12:38 - 12:40
"Golf membership" want it?
12:40 - 12:43
Meanwhile, Lindsay and Tobias were getting to the heart...
12:44 - 12:47
of each other's vulnerabilities with a role-reversal exercise.
12:47 - 12:50
- Because I'm a woman! - Good.
12:50 - 12:51
- With a woman's needs. - Louder.
12:52 - 12:53
And a woman's urges! And these, Tobias.
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When was the last time you looked at these?
12:56 - 13:00
Yeah, okay. How long is this session?
13:00 - 13:02
See, she's breaking in and out of character and making it difficult...
13:02 - 13:05
'Cause I don't wanna be in a character.
13:05 - 13:07
Okay, let me stop you guys. All right? Please. Let me get in here.
13:07 - 13:11
Thank you. God.
13:11 - 13:13
- You've never been a real wife to me, Lindsay. - That's not true!
13:15 - 13:19
A man is looking back at you. A man with dreams and aspirations!
13:20 - 13:23
Meanwhile, Maeby found an address in her mother's appointment book...
13:23 - 13:27
and was getting closer to learning what her parents were up to.
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Right! If I'm no Schwimmer, you're noJennifer Aniston!
13:31 - 13:36
Maybe I'm not even Lisa Kudrow.
13:36 - 13:40
l-I have dreams, Lindsay.
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Dreams, Lindsay.
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Well, then, Tobias...
13:46 - 13:48
follow those dreams.
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Make those dreams happen.
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Yes. I will.
13:57 - 13:59
And scene!
13:59 - 14:01
- Wow! - Okay.
14:04 - 14:06
- I'm sorry I stepped on your line. - No, not at all.
14:06 - 14:09
- Did that answer some questions for you? - Yeah, I think it did.
14:09 - 14:13
Now there are two men I wanna leave.
14:13 - 14:15
Michael arrived home, happy to have a brother to share his burden with.
14:17 - 14:21
- Great news. - Oh, good. I could use it.
14:21 - 14:24
I just came from convincing Mom to have sex with Dad.
14:24 - 14:27
God! What is wrong with you? That is disgusting!
14:27 - 14:30
- What's wrong with you? - Oh, I'm sorry.
14:30 - 14:33
But just the thought of Mom and Dad together...
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I have a sense of propriety. All right?
14:36 - 14:39
Fine. What's your great news?
14:39 - 14:41
I Kitty.
14:41 - 14:42
Oh, Gob, I just wanted you to get the information.
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Oh, I got the information.
14:46 - 14:49
You did, huh? About the international accounts?
14:49 - 14:52
I see what you're getting at. No, I didn't get any information.
14:54 - 14:56
That's great. Good, good, good, Gob. You just lost the touch lamp.
14:57 - 15:00
- What? No! - The deal's off.
15:00 - 15:02
I'm gonna use the touch lamp to set the mood in the conjugal trailer when Dad's nailing Mom!
15:02 - 15:05
No! Don't... Michael!
15:05 - 15:07
You are filthy!
15:07 - 15:09
The two cousins reunited...
15:10 - 15:12
each a little shaken by what they had pretended to be fearless about.
15:12 - 15:15
- You think they'll get divorced? - I don't care.
15:16 - 15:18
I'm not saying "I don't care" like kids who say they don't when they do... 'cause I don't.
15:18 - 15:21
Right. I know. Who cares, right?
15:21 - 15:23
- I mean, I care. - How could you not?
15:25 - 15:27
You know, our family's really messed up.
15:28 - 15:30
I know. We're the only normal ones.
15:30 - 15:32
At least we got each other. Right?
15:32 - 15:35
George Michael?
15:43 - 15:45
Sorry.
15:45 - 15:47
Sometimes I don't know if it's gonna be a long or short hug or a middle-medium hug.
15:47 - 15:51
It's hard to tell sometimes.
15:51 - 15:53
That was a good hug. That's plenty for now.
15:53 - 15:56
Hug's gotta end sometime, obviously.
15:56 - 15:58
Soon, Michael was driving Lucille to prison...
15:58 - 16:01
and she seemed to be looking forward to it.
16:01 - 16:04
Where are we going after?
16:04 - 16:06
- Hey, Dad. - Michael!
16:10 - 16:12
What are you doing here?
16:12 - 16:15
You needed my help, and it was hard for you to ask, so I took it upon myself to bring her.
16:15 - 16:18
- That doesn't make you uncomfortable? - The drive was a little awkward.
16:18 - 16:22
Not every son would do this for his father.
16:22 - 16:25
Thank you for this.
16:26 - 16:27
Hello, George.
16:32 - 16:34
What the hell's your mother doing in here?
16:34 - 16:36
- Who were you expecting? - Oh, I've done a bad thing.
16:36 - 16:39
I've done a terrible thing.
16:39 - 16:41
- There's someone else in that trailer, isn't there? - I've done a repulsive thing.
16:41 - 16:44
Wait... Whoa. It's Kitty?
16:44 - 16:46
- Shh! - How long?
16:47 - 16:49
- When did this start? - Oh, come on! This is the first time.
16:49 - 16:51
Every Friday for the last eight years.
16:55 - 16:57
- Daddy... - Horny. I got that.
16:57 - 16:59
Hey, wait a minute. This is easy. This is an easy one.
16:59 - 17:02
I'll go in there with Kitty, I'll do my thing...
17:02 - 17:05
and th-th-then I'll go and see your moth... This is a hard one.
17:05 - 17:09
- She's your secretary. - You're right.
17:09 - 17:11
Family first.
17:11 - 17:13
Take care of Kitty. Michael.
17:13 - 17:15
I need you now.
17:15 - 17:17
"International accounts" need me?
17:17 - 17:21
And so an agreement was made.
17:21 - 17:23
George Sr. would reveal the truth...
17:23 - 17:25
and Michael would make sure Kitty didn't come out of the trailer.
17:25 - 17:28
Yeah?
17:28 - 17:30
I need you to come to the prison.
17:31 - 17:33
- I'm at the prison. - You're here?
17:33 - 17:35
I'm delivering this strongly worded letter I wrote...
17:35 - 17:39
lit by nothing but natural light.
17:39 - 17:41
Well, how would you like that touch lamp and the office...
17:41 - 17:44
and... what the hell... full use of the secretary?
17:45 - 17:49
Thank you for doing this. It means a... It means a lot.
17:51 - 17:55
I, uh... Okay, I'll get down on the couch.
17:55 - 17:58
I'm not going to have sex with you, George.
17:58 - 18:02
I came to tell you how much I hate you for what you've done to this family.
18:02 - 18:05
- You're angry. - You've ruined us.
18:05 - 18:08
I've ruined us? You got a lot of nerve, honey.
18:08 - 18:12
The millions you pissed away on clothing and jewelry and spa treatments...
18:12 - 18:15
Yes, to keep you interested in the only thing you ever appreciated... my body.
18:15 - 18:19
Can I help it if you've got a fantastic body?
18:19 - 18:21
And you're as powerful as a bear.
18:21 - 18:25
My husband the bear.
18:26 - 18:29
This bear needs some honey, wife.
18:29 - 18:32
Oh, God, I missed you!
18:32 - 18:35
Gob, meanwhile, stalled to keep Kitty in the other trailer.
18:35 - 18:38
Glasses off.
18:38 - 18:40
Glasses on.
18:40 - 18:41
Hair up.
18:41 - 18:43
Glasses off.
18:43 - 18:45
Down, on. Have we done up, off?
18:45 - 18:48
- Oh, Gob, this is so wrong. - And bright.
18:48 - 18:51
Wrong a-and bright.
18:51 - 18:54
This...
18:54 - 18:56
That's be... brighter!
18:56 - 18:58
God! Damn.
18:58 - 19:00
I'm just gonna wash up real quick.
19:00 - 19:03
Uh, I think I'm gonna go with... with down and off.
19:03 - 19:06
Gob had to do the right thing.
19:06 - 19:08
But as he headed to his car, he ran into the warden...
19:12 - 19:15
who hadjust read his strongly worded letter.
19:15 - 19:17
Well, if it isn't "Sincerely Yours."
19:17 - 19:21
And so Gob was detained against the window of the trailer...
19:23 - 19:26
his parents were becoming intimate in.
19:26 - 19:28
Oh, God, Mommy! What did you do?
19:28 - 19:31
- Hey, buddy. - Hey, where were you?
19:35 - 19:38
I had to help out your grandfather...
19:39 - 19:41
and then I had to vow that I would never help your grandfather again.
19:41 - 19:44
Pretty much a normal day for me.
19:44 - 19:46
How are you doing?
19:46 - 19:48
I'm fine, I guess. It's just...
19:48 - 19:51
You think of prison as this place full of guilty people and it doesn't bother you that much.
19:51 - 19:56
But if Pop-Pop could be there, then anybody could be there.
19:56 - 19:59
And I don't wanna go to prison, Dad. I don't think I could take it.
19:59 - 20:02
I know I act tough, but l...
20:02 - 20:04
Is this what you're worried about?
20:04 - 20:06
'Cause I got news...
20:07 - 20:09
he's, uh... he's guilty.
20:09 - 20:12
He is?
20:12 - 20:14
Oh, yeah.
20:14 - 20:16
On the next Arrested Development.
20:25 - 20:28
Tobias talks Lindsay into another session.
20:28 - 20:31
I've decided that...
20:31 - 20:33
I want to become an actor too.
20:33 - 20:37
And George Sr. makes good...
20:39 - 20:42
on his promise to come clean on the international accounts.
20:42 - 20:45
There's a good chance that l... that I may...
20:46 - 20:50
have committed some, um...
20:50 - 20:52
light... treason.
20:52 - 20:57