Episode 1x3 - "Bringing Up Buster"
Director: Joe Russo
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything...
00:01 - 00:04
and the one son who had no choice...
00:04 - 00:06
but to keep them all together.
00:06 - 00:08
It was Sunday morning, and Michael was making cornballs.
00:18 - 00:21
A Bluth family favorite since George Sr. unsuccessfully...
00:22 - 00:25
tried to market the device in the mid-'70s.
00:25 - 00:27
Time to pull out the basket and we dig into some hot...
00:27 - 00:29
- Son of a bitch! - Oh, look what you did!
00:30 - 00:32
- You plopped it! - I'll plop you!
00:32 - 00:34
It was a ritual Michael shared with his son...
00:34 - 00:37
before their weekly bike ride to Balboa Island.
00:37 - 00:40
Be careful! Don't touch that. Never touch that.
00:40 - 00:43
I'm looking forward to our ride today. We better go extra hard to work off these cornballs.
00:43 - 00:48
Or, you could not eat the cornballs and let your kid lead his own life.
00:48 - 00:52
Please. He loves this. Am I right?
00:52 - 00:54
Actually, uh, I can't really go today.
00:54 - 00:58
- How's that? - My bike needs a tune-up or something.
00:58 - 01:02
Let's not blame the bike, okay?
01:02 - 01:05
It's the poor carpenter that blames his shoddy tools for the... Ow!
01:05 - 01:09
Christ!
01:10 - 01:13
- That stupid cornballing piece of... - You okay?
01:13 - 01:17
- So I'm gonna go, okay? - Yeah, yeah. It's fine.
01:18 - 01:21
It's good. That's okay. Have fun.
01:21 - 01:24
- Getting too old for his daddy? - No. He'll be fine.
01:24 - 01:28
And I would buy him a faster bike if we weren't trying to save every...
01:28 - 01:33
- Did you go shopping? - Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it.
01:33 - 01:35
- Excuse me. - I paid for it myself.
01:35 - 01:37
- With what? - Company credit card.
01:38 - 01:40
- You're returning that. - But...
01:40 - 01:42
- Get a job. - Michael. Hey, the Cornballer.
01:42 - 01:45
I thought these things were only legal in Mexico.
01:45 - 01:47
In fact, the Cornballer wasn't legal anywhere.
01:47 - 01:49
But George Sr. continued to market it there successfully.
01:50 - 01:53
- Muy delicioso. - Es verdad.
01:53 - 01:55
- Where'd you come from? - I had another big fight with Marta.
01:58 - 02:02
Gob had been having an on-again, off-again relationship...
02:02 - 02:05
with Marta, a Spanish-language soap opera star.
02:05 - 02:07
It looks like I'm going to be staying here for a while.
02:08 - 02:11
No, it doesn't. It doesn't look like that. I've got a full house here, Gob.
02:11 - 02:14
He's just in a bad mood, Gob, because his son feels suffocated by him.
02:15 - 02:18
- Suffocated? Really? - Yes, Michael. He's a teenager.
02:19 - 02:21
He's probably got a little girlfriend, and, well, let's face it...
02:21 - 02:24
- you are overbearing. - Maybe I should be more like you when it comes to parenting.
02:25 - 02:28
No borders. No limits. "Go ahead, touch the Cornballer. You know best."
02:29 - 02:33
Michael, if I could stick my pretty little nose in here for one second.
02:33 - 02:37
When I was a psychiatrist... and this is before I became an actor...
02:37 - 02:41
- You're still not an actor. - Lovely.
02:42 - 02:44
I saw a lot of this type of behavior...
02:44 - 02:46
and I think what you're experiencing is your son's very normal need...
02:46 - 02:51
to distance himself from his overbearing father.
02:51 - 02:55
Am I touching something? Hot! Hot, hot. Hot.
02:55 - 02:59
- Be careful. - Hot.
02:59 - 03:03
- You all right? - Hot.
03:03 - 03:06
Now, take my daughter, for example.
03:06 - 03:09
She lives her life...
03:09 - 03:11
and I get the pleasure of guessing what that might entail.
03:11 - 03:15
Now watch this. Maeby, where are you off to on this glorious Sunday afternoon?
03:15 - 03:20
- She won't tell me. - I'm going to audition for a play.
03:20 - 03:23
Well, that time it didn't work. What play?
03:23 - 03:26
It's for high school. You can't audition.
03:26 - 03:28
I was totally wrong.
03:28 - 03:31
She's reaching out to her actor daddy. Does anyone have an ice pack?
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In truth, Maeby was reaching out to a boy named Steve Holt...
03:36 - 03:40
who was auditioning for the lead in the school play.
03:40 - 03:43
"I would kiss before I spoke."
03:43 - 03:45
Maeby decided to audition as well...
03:45 - 03:49
Iooking for a chance to get closer to Steve.
03:49 - 03:51
And then we actually get to kiss, right?
03:51 - 03:53
George Michael also chose to audition...
03:53 - 03:56
Iooking for a chance to get closer to his cousin Maeby.
03:56 - 03:58
"I would kiss before I spoke." Then there's a kiss, right?
03:58 - 04:01
- Louder. - And then there's a kiss, right?
04:02 - 04:04
- Later, the cast list was posted. - Steve Holt!
04:04 - 04:08
- Steve Holt! - Stand-in for Steve Holt?
04:09 - 04:13
Steve Holt!
04:13 - 04:16
Michael went to get his son a new bike to keep him from slipping away...
04:17 - 04:21
while Michael's mother was giving up hope her son Buster would ever leave her side.
04:22 - 04:25
Zip me up.
04:25 - 04:27
Usually at this time of year...
04:27 - 04:30
Buster would return to his post-graduate studies.
04:30 - 04:33
But without the resources to afford it...
04:33 - 04:35
his summer vacation was extending into the fall.
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Mom! Mom!
04:39 - 04:41
And Lucille was beginning to resent it.
04:43 - 04:47
What?
04:47 - 04:49
Hi, Mama, it's Linds.
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It'll fly out on its own. Why are you calling me? What do you need?
04:52 - 04:56
Very nice, Mom. I don't need anything.
04:56 - 04:59
My daughter needs some new school clothes.
04:59 - 05:02
Buster!
05:02 - 05:04
- It's a bird. - I know it's a bird. I'm on the phone.
05:04 - 05:08
- It walked on my pillow. - Look, I have a child that costs me money too, you know.
05:08 - 05:12
- Why can't you get a job? - What is it with this family and working?
05:12 - 05:15
Michael just gave me the exact same lecture in front of everybody.
05:15 - 05:18
Everybody? Who's everybody?
05:18 - 05:21
- Who's everybody? - You know, the kids, Gob, Tobias, everybody.
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He didn't invite Buster.
05:25 - 05:27
Buster's his brother too. What's wrong with Buster?
05:27 - 05:30
And even as she asked the question, Lucille realized...
05:30 - 05:33
that perhaps it was time to let her own baby bird fly away.
05:33 - 05:36
- Why do I have to take him? - Because he's your brother.
05:36 - 05:38
You run around with everyone else, going on bike rides, making cornholes.
05:38 - 05:42
- Mom, listen... - Everyone's laughing, riding and cornholing except Buster.
05:42 - 05:47
And I know he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he's sensitive, Michael...
05:47 - 05:51
and you could pretend to be interested in him.
05:52 - 05:54
Fine. He can hang out, but he's going to work, okay?
05:54 - 05:57
This is not going to be a day at the beach.
05:57 - 06:00
Th-That's cool. Mom packed me a change of clothes.
06:00 - 06:04
So Buster stayed and Michael made him build the new bike.
06:04 - 06:09
- It's in the big box in my office. Hey. - Michael.
06:09 - 06:13
Gob, what are you doing here, and why are you in a bathrobe?
06:13 - 06:17
What's he doing here? Why is he in his bathing suit?
06:17 - 06:19
Mom dropped me off to spend time with Michael.
06:20 - 06:22
Spend time with Michael, or to serve her own menopausal needs?
06:22 - 06:25
She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us, so she can control everything.
06:25 - 06:29
Yeah. Mom's awesome.
06:29 - 06:34
Maybe we should call her.
06:34 - 06:36
- So why are you in your robe? - I camped out in the boardroom last night.
06:39 - 06:42
What with you kicking me out of your house...
06:42 - 06:44
there are few places left that you have that I can stay.
06:45 - 06:46
Hmm. Well, you can't stay here either.
06:47 - 06:50
Let me ask you something.
06:50 - 06:54
Is this a business decision, or is it personal?
06:54 - 06:57
'Cause if it's business, I'll go away happily.
06:57 - 07:00
But if it's personal, I'll go away. But I won't be happy.
07:00 - 07:05
It's personal.
07:06 - 07:09
I am so sorry.
07:12 - 07:14
Michael's son, meanwhile, was waiting with his cousin for first rehearsal.
07:14 - 07:18
- I'm surprised you tried out for this. - Yeah. I just love the theater.
07:18 - 07:22
That's great. I'm just doing it to kiss Steve Holt.
07:22 - 07:24
Well, actually, I think I'm gonna quit. Yeah, theater's dead.
07:24 - 07:28
But, he's always going to be at football practice, so I'm gonna have to kiss the stand-in.
07:28 - 07:32
But, no. No. I love the theater...
07:32 - 07:36
and I gave my word, so I'm back in.
07:36 - 07:40
Tobias, meanwhile, stopped by the school.
07:40 - 07:43
- I know why you're doing this. - Dad. What are you doing here? Go away.
07:43 - 07:47
Yes, because the director might be here soon, right? Oops. Too late.
07:47 - 07:51
He's already here.
07:51 - 07:53
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the theater.
07:53 - 07:57
I am Dr. Tobias Fünke...
08:01 - 08:03
and I will be your new director.
08:03 - 08:08
Oh, my God.
08:10 - 08:12
Tobias had gotten the directing job by meeting with the school principal.
08:12 - 08:16
And you tell me you've got some P.E. teacher directing?
08:16 - 08:18
That just makes me wanna puke all over your head, sir.
08:18 - 08:22
Give me a chance to tell the Bard's tale...
08:22 - 08:26
and I give you my word on humble knee...
08:26 - 08:28
whence you shall not say it wasn't e'er to be.
08:28 - 08:33
- Jerry, you cool with this? - Sure. Let the little fruit do it.
08:33 - 08:37
- Huzzah! - As the days went by...
08:37 - 08:40
Buster's apprenticeship was proving more trying than Michael had anticipated.
08:40 - 08:44
We're excited. We want your business.
08:45 - 08:47
And, uh, everybody at the Bluth Company...
08:50 - 08:55
Here I go again.
08:55 - 08:57
Andjust when he could take no more...
09:00 - 09:02
And we're back on track. And we're focused.
09:02 - 09:05
And, Buster...
09:05 - 09:07
you can't do that in the snack room, pal?
09:07 - 09:11
Mom told me to stay away from microwaves.
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And besides, this is gonna be...
09:14 - 09:16
the most bitchingly fast bike in all of Orange County.
09:16 - 09:20
- Really? - Your son is gonna love it.
09:20 - 09:22
Well, I guess 3:40 is as good a time as any to call it a day.
09:22 - 09:28
So Michael left for the high school hoping to reconnect with his son...
09:28 - 09:31
while Tobias's attempt to reconnect with his daughter hit a snag.
09:31 - 09:36
Stop! Stop it. It's all wrong.
09:36 - 09:39
- But we were just about to do the kiss... - Kiss. I know.
09:39 - 09:41
It doesn't work. Look, you are playing adults with fully...
09:41 - 09:46
Pick that up, please. With fully formed libidos...
09:48 - 09:51
not two young men playing grab-ass in the shower.
09:51 - 09:54
Would you hold the work, please? Oh, Michael.
09:54 - 09:59
- Dad, wh... - So, you're in a play, huh?
09:59 - 10:02
I'm not.
10:02 - 10:04
- I quit. - Maeby.
10:04 - 10:08
- Why didn't you tell me? - It's not really important.
10:09 - 10:12
- I'm just a stand-in. - And you're ashamed?
10:12 - 10:15
Well, this should cheer you up. Hmm?
10:15 - 10:19
I left work early. I thought maybe we'd go for a ride today.
10:19 - 10:21
- No, I can't go on a bike ride right now. - Why, because of the play?
10:21 - 10:25
- You're just a stand-in. - No, no. It's not the play. It's just...
10:25 - 10:28
You know, I can't go on a million bike rides whenever you want me to.
10:28 - 10:32
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hey, is it about a girl?
10:32 - 10:35
- No! It's not. Just drop it, Dad. - You can tell me.
10:35 - 10:37
What, is Lindsay right? Am I really suffocating him?
10:40 - 10:42
Well, they're different people every day, teenagers. Hormones all ablaze.
10:42 - 10:47
Except, of course, when they're onstage when I need it.
10:47 - 10:50
No, he said it wasn't about a girl.
10:50 - 10:52
Maybe he really is pulling away.
10:53 - 10:55
Not a girl?
10:58 - 11:00
Of course.
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Methinks a Cupid I shall play.
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Mm. Mmm. Mmm.
11:12 - 11:16
Tobias came up with a new plan for the play...
11:17 - 11:20
- and a way to connect to George Michael. - I know why you're in the play.
11:20 - 11:23
- What? - Watch this.
11:23 - 11:25
Okay, everybody. Well, we've lost a leading lady...
11:25 - 11:28
but did you know in Shakespeare's day that the women's roles...
11:29 - 11:32
were played by men?
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Fancy that.
11:35 - 11:37
Hmm.
11:38 - 11:41
George Michael, you know Steven's lines, yes?
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- Sort of. - Fine. Then you are my Benedict.
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- And Steven Holt... Where is Steven Holt? - Steve Holt!
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Yes. Get ready for the acting challenge of your sweet young life, fair lady.
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For you are my Beatrice.
11:53 - 11:55
Beatrice!
11:55 - 11:58
Let's take it from "Peace, I will stop thy mouth."
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Now we'll see if some sparks fly.
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As George Michael contemplated kissing his rival...
12:07 - 12:10
Michael sought his father's advice.
12:10 - 12:12
- You think you never hurt me? - What are you talking about? When have I ever rebelled?
12:12 - 12:16
- I never see you anymore, Michael. - You're in prison.
12:16 - 12:19
And I was here yesterday.
12:19 - 12:21
Oh, yeah. That's-That's... I'm sorry.
12:21 - 12:24
I couldn't break away from the poker game. Capital "G" was down to his boxers.
12:25 - 12:28
- Strip poker? - Yeah, and it's tough.
12:28 - 12:31
We can really only play about two hands.
12:31 - 12:34
Listen...
12:36 - 12:38
Let him go. Let your son go.
12:39 - 12:42
I can't do that, Dad. He needs me.
12:42 - 12:45
Michael, you don't want to make the same mistake your mom made with Buster.
12:45 - 12:48
- Yeah, boy. What happened there? - I really don't know.
12:48 - 12:51
Maybe it was the 11 months he spent in the womb.
12:51 - 12:55
And l-I was just too burned out on raising you guys to care.
13:01 - 13:04
So, he turned out a little, uh, soft.
13:04 - 13:07
A little doughy.
13:07 - 13:10
I don't know. Maybe-Maybe it was my fault.
13:10 - 13:12
Maybe I just ignored the guy.
13:12 - 13:16
Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we?
13:18 - 13:23
Yeah, I gotta let my son go.
13:25 - 13:27
Lindsay, meanwhile, still had the dress...
13:30 - 13:33
- and she was starting to get some positive reactions to it. - Look at you.
13:33 - 13:37
I am.
13:37 - 13:40
So she decided to hide it in the attic crawl space.
13:40 - 13:43
Are you crazy? I'm a magician. I make my living with my hands.
13:55 - 13:59
- And if I'm going to be staying here... - Staying here?
13:59 - 14:02
What, did that Mexican throw you out?
14:02 - 14:04
She's not "that Mexican," Mom. She's my Mexican.
14:04 - 14:07
And she's Colombian or something. Anyway, it's over.
14:08 - 14:10
- You've got three days. - Hey.
14:10 - 14:13
If I can't find a horny immigrant by then, I don't deserve to stay here.
14:13 - 14:16
Oh!
14:16 - 14:20
Back at the model home, Michael was adjusting to...
14:21 - 14:23
the absence ofhis son, by enjoying the company ofhis brother.
14:23 - 14:26
You know, I'm in pretty good shape.
14:26 - 14:28
You could be eating my dust all day, slowpoke.
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And Buster was starting to give as good as he got.
14:31 - 14:34
Yeah. And you might be eating...
14:34 - 14:36
Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that.
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Hey, Tobias. How's my son doing?
14:45 - 14:49
Oh, well, he didn't want to rehearse today...
14:49 - 14:52
but I do think I have a handle on what he's going through.
14:52 - 14:55
I wish I could say the same for Steve Holt. I don't know what the hell her problem is.
14:55 - 14:59
- Her? - Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
14:59 - 15:01
I say that because I switched the parts, but, it's still...
15:01 - 15:05
off.
15:05 - 15:07
Perhaps if she dressed as a woman.
15:08 - 15:11
- She? - Oh, for the love of God. She's playing a woman.
15:11 - 15:15
Look who's back.
15:19 - 15:21
- I'm exhausted. - Neiman's again, huh?
15:23 - 15:26
I've been going to the thrift store, but I'm going to find a way to keep that dress.
15:26 - 15:30
Things didn't work out with Mom.
15:30 - 15:33
It was utterly macabre.
15:33 - 15:36
Zip me up.
15:37 - 15:39
She always makes everything about her.
15:42 - 15:44
She's the last person I ever want to need something from.
15:45 - 15:47
Well, she likes to be needed, just as long as it doesn't cost her anything.
15:47 - 15:50
It's like she gets off on being withholding.
15:50 - 15:53
- Whoa. Buster. - Look who's got something to say.
15:55 - 15:57
I'm Mom, and I wanna shoot down everything you say so I feel good about myself.
15:59 - 16:03
Look who's ragging on the old lady.
16:03 - 16:07
- Hey, hey. - Finally.
16:07 - 16:09
'Cause I'm an uptight...
16:09 - 16:13
Buster!
16:14 - 16:16
You old horny slut!
16:17 - 16:19
Well, no one's gonna top that.
16:22 - 16:25
And Tobias had found the perfect wardrobe for his leading man.
16:28 - 16:31
The red dress he discovered in the attic crawl space.
16:31 - 16:36
Assuming Michael had found and returned it...
16:36 - 16:38
- Lindsay called her mother, hoping to get money for a new one. - What?
16:38 - 16:42
- Hi, Mama. It's Linds. - Get a job.
16:42 - 16:44
Look. Just hear me out. It's Maeby's dress. It was stolen from her locker.
16:44 - 16:48
They beat her up, and, uh, took all her clothes.
16:48 - 16:52
You get off on being withholding, don't you?
16:55 - 16:57
- Buster said that? - That's right.
16:57 - 17:00
- My Buster? - Not anymore, apparently.
17:00 - 17:03
While Lucille was missing her youngest son...
17:03 - 17:06
- Michael was finally enjoying his company. - Zip me up.
17:06 - 17:10
And while Buster did build a faster bike...
17:10 - 17:13
- Whoo! - he neglected to build the brakes.
17:13 - 17:15
Buster?
17:17 - 17:19
And George Michael had news for Maeby.
17:19 - 17:22
So, I quit the play. I don't really like plays.
17:22 - 17:25
Also, I think your dad thinks I'm gay.
17:25 - 17:28
- Oh. He thinks everyone's gay. - Do you wanna get a soda?
17:28 - 17:31
I can't. I'm actually back in the play. We're in the middle of dress rehearsal now.
17:31 - 17:34
- But I thought Steve had your part. - Steve did have Maeby's part.
17:34 - 17:38
And Tobias had given Maeby a new part.
17:38 - 17:40
So you want me to play the man?
17:40 - 17:42
Yes. Don't you see? l-I cast the parts all wrong.
17:42 - 17:46
It was Daddy's fault.
17:46 - 17:48
And I still get to kiss Steve, right?
17:48 - 17:51
It's gonna be a huge disaster. I'll get you tickets.
17:51 - 17:56
And Michael tried to salvage what was left of the day...
17:56 - 17:59
- with what was left ofhis brother. - I'm a little shaky, but...
17:59 - 18:02
- but we're here to work. - Michael.
18:02 - 18:04
- but we're here to work. - Michael.
18:04 - 18:05
- Mom. - What are you doing here?
18:05 - 18:07
Oh. Hello, Buster. Here's a candy bar.
18:07 - 18:11
- Oh... - No. I'm withholding it.
18:11 - 18:12
Look at me getting off. How dare you turn Buster against me.
18:13 - 18:17
- What are you talking about? - I know what you've all been saying.
18:17 - 18:20
But I'm not going to let you destroy my relationship with my son...
18:20 - 18:23
just because you don't have one with yours right now.
18:23 - 18:26
Wait a minute. Me and my son are fine...
18:26 - 18:28
and that is not what this is.
18:28 - 18:31
Buster is a grown man. He can make his own decisions.
18:31 - 18:33
- Why don't you ask Buster what he wants. - Michael. I wanna go with Mom.
18:33 - 18:38
- You said that she shoots you down. - I was trying to fit in.
18:43 - 18:47
You were flying today, buddy.
18:48 - 18:51
Yes, I was flying...
18:51 - 18:54
but a little too close to the sun.
18:54 - 18:57
You let him go in the sun? Get in the backseat. I'll be right out.
18:57 - 19:00
Front seat, Mom. I sit in the front seat now. Mmm?
19:00 - 19:06
Let me tell you something, Michael. You have to fight for your family.
19:10 - 19:15
If you were smart, you'd grab your son before he slips any further away.
19:15 - 19:18
Well, I disagree, Mom.
19:18 - 19:21
I'm not gonna control George Michael.
19:21 - 19:24
I'm gonna let him decide for himself what's best.
19:24 - 19:26
Mm-hmm. Well, you better hope...
19:26 - 19:28
that little bird decides to fly back into your house.
19:29 - 19:33
Because they usually don't.
19:33 - 19:34
So, uh, can we go now?
19:46 - 19:48
Yeah.
19:51 - 19:53
And George Michael watched as Maeby shared the kiss...
19:56 - 19:59
that should've been his with a boy he almost had to kiss.
19:59 - 20:02
But, to Maeby's surprise, she did not enjoy kissing Steve Holt.
20:08 - 20:12
You smell like my mom.
20:12 - 20:14
Michael returned to the model home to find his son in the kitchen.
20:14 - 20:17
- You're home. - Yeah. I was waiting for you.
20:17 - 20:21
- I thought we could make some of these. - Sure.
20:21 - 20:25
I'm sorry about what I said at the school. It was out of line.
20:31 - 20:35
I shouldn't have poked my nose into your life.
20:35 - 20:37
- My life? - I know that you're growing up.
20:37 - 20:40
Yeah, but, Dad, you're, like, the most important part of my life.
20:41 - 20:44
That's a little cornball.
20:46 - 20:49
- I don't mind. - I don't mind either, buddy.
20:49 - 20:52
- Watch your... - Mother of God!
20:55 - 20:57
Oh! Every damn time!
20:57 - 20:59
Oh! This is a big one. Oh!
21:00 - 21:03
On the next Arrested Development.
21:03 - 21:05
Tobias gets a review ofhis Shakespeare play.
21:05 - 21:08
I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwarzman, so...
21:08 - 21:11
onward and upward!
21:11 - 21:13
On...
21:14 - 21:17
Why, Tracy? Why?
21:17 - 21:20
And Buster is back where he belongs.
21:20 - 21:22